I drafted some paragraphs on the Israeli Defense Force (IDF) and Mossad, real or imagined (this is a novel, right?) buildings, locations, and hierarchy and their interactions with right wing parties of the Israeli Knesset. The Mossad HQ is of course located at “an undisclosed location” … or probably at numerous locations. That’s the way I see it and will go with that, unless confronted with documented, verifiable evidence ... Unlikely!

I also did some cursory research on the Internet for right wing Israeli political parties. They weren’t hard to find, as there are so many there, and I really believe that is part of the Middle East’s problem; those zealots all demand their voices be heard and their voices are so extreme as to preclude or greatly diminish the normal give and take discussions of politics we see as the norm.

Today I have decided to insert several review comments/suggestions I received on the first novel, Golden Gate. Hopefully this will remind me not to repeat the previous errors or omissions. These suggestions were for an early version of Golden Gate and an early chapter of the novel. I find that one area I do weakly in is writing of the romantic feelings and actions of the protagonists; I write awkwardly of these areas, and need to improve my style.

Here they are - “Surprised…”  “Like the Iliad or the Odyssey”  “Marcus is an interesting character” “Very well written”

“I found no split infinitives or dangling participles”  “Really good” (plot) “jumps around a lot”  “marvelous for your first work”  “Diametrically sanctimonious”  “Amazing – don’t change a word”  “Have you tried to find a publisher?”

Your little parchment is really great, methinks. One might say, even isometrically parenthetical. If I were to offer my humble advice, I wouldn't change a word of it.

 The above comments are from an older brother, so there may just be a bit of humoring in his words. 

The comments below come from a son, who is far more direct –

Chapters 1 and 2 need to be cliff hangers … characterization is most important … do better job … characterize (the character) Mahudh better (Chapter 1)

On paragraph titled - In the sands – Need to progress the plot!  Data is good, but need plot.

On paragraph titled - The Lanun of Num Chuk … More character development for Mahudh … need more flow

On paragraph titled - Repel Boarders – makes them seem to me as the good guys; don’t want to ask questions … on Captain Jorgensen – more development; or don’t name. Can’t just say they (rails on ship) were greased; have to say why. Change (character) Hung’s “marksmanship” to read “shot.”  Change “decision” to read, “mistake.”  On “red water spewing forth” … change to read “pumping fury and rage into the pirate.” Change aft to use easier words (less technical). Change “AK-47” to read, “rifle.”

Well enough for efforts on the second novel that, by the way, is dedicated to Charley Mops. Charley according to current Irish drinking songs is “the man who invented beer.” This is unfortunately not true, as the Egyptians drank beer over five thousand years ago.

This morning I’m also struggling to try and install a bit of free anti-virus software, actually to replace the version I have now … which is acting up. Still having problems in the evening, so I hope the morning brings success.