BLOG POST 167

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 167

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total pages down to 167; total word count down at 91.2 K, and percent is up to 59.3 percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

Publication date has definitely slipped to early 2016.

BAM 28 September 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Seems like a war between Iran and Iraq – Yes

2.       Mention the dates of action – agree, working

3.       Too much dialog about the same thing (less is more) – working

4.       Questioned Tooley/Stefano trying to assess the motives for a war – part of spy calling, Intel focus

5.       Quantify the territory involved, numbers of troops, planes – agree, working with generalities

BAM member  –

1.       Set the scenes – agree, working

2.       Provide geographic coordinates, clues – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Indications of an Iraq-Iranian war – Yes

5.       Could follow – thanks

6.       Short scenes with artillery gave variety, detail - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Strained, awkward conversation – agree, working

2.       Add personal insights to characters – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Reduce multiple use of Iraqi – agree, working

5.       Questioned where the reporter came from – introduced in prior segments

6.       Very action packed – thanks

7.       Loved the ending - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Questioned “spoil the image of invincibility” – disagree, subtle use of psychological warfare

2.       Questioned if family dialogue was really the intent of Tooley/Stefano – yes, ice breaker, tension relief

3.       Suggested word choice changes – agree, working

4.       Questioned why firing over heads - subtle use of psychological warfare

5.       Use more slang - working

BAM member  –

1.       Some of dialogue (marshes) seemed redundant – agree, working

2.       Cut out family dialogue – disagree, ice breaker, tension relief

3.       Suggested expand political discussion – disagree, want to leave very vague

BAM member  –

1.       Dialogue between Stefano and Tooley too long – agree, working

2.       Set the scenes – agree, working

3.       Questioned if Iraqi Colonel Abdullah was using broken English – Yes

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Liked personalization of Iraqi artillery officer (cigarettes, approved PR statement) – thanks

3.       Too much dialogue – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Commented on previous segment wording -

2.       Set the scenes – agree, working

3.       Lost after first page -

BAM new member  –

1.       Good dialogue - thanks

2.       Set the scenes like a play – agree, working