BLOG POST 162

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 162

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total pages up to 175; total word countdown up to 94.4 K, and percent is 52.3 percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

Received suggestions from a relative who reviewed the first fifteen pages of Kashan Kashmeeri. Very helpful.

In recent review sessions I’ve come to realize that some suggestions and comments are not helpful. I look for, and expect the reviewers to be helpful, to suggest ideas which will remove conflicts of point of view, grammar, reception by readers as holding their interest. In the vast majority of cases the reviewers are helpful. Some comments are, despite my hopes, off the wall.

One young reviewer suggested I write more towards my target audience, as though this person knew my target audience better than I did. Strange! Another questioned my use in dialogue of American idioms, slang; perhaps that reviewer forgot it was Americans talking with one another. Another reviewer somehow forgot the relationship of prime characters, relevant to dialogue addressing their children.

The above criticisms about reviewers is to document that I recognize the weaknesses of reviewers, and take their rankings as I evaluate the suggestions for use. 

Added a comment to the blog of a local eBook author, only the second local author on electronic media in a library system with over 114,000 eBooks available. I asked the author how he did it, how he got his eBook to the library. It will be interesting to see if he responds.

Re-read David Baldacci’s The Camel Club. Excellent reading.

BAM 31 August 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Numerous editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.        Good advancement of story – thanks

3.       Suggested changing listing of brief viewgraphs to analysis – agree, working

4.       Suggested shortening sentences – agree, working

5.       Too  much detailed information – agree, working

6.       Felt ADM Kimmel wouldn’t stand for LCOL’s remarks – disagree; know someone just like this, and Flags are more perceptive than you suspect

7.       Reduce use of DDI – agree

8.       Describe POTUS and SECSTATE – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       “Oh, forgot this …”  threw her – agree, working

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Page 2, 3, 4 dragged  – agree, working

4.       Felt sections dealing with intro, and actions taken by SECSTATE were repetitive – disagree

5.       Confused by aide whispering if STU was muted – agree, working

6.       Would be afraid of fireworks in Arabia – disagree, can do in desert as family, and is important foreshadowing to action which will follow

7.       Did not keep my attention, cold and disconnected – was discussing military, geo-political in-brief; working

BAM member  –

1.       Good presentation of reporting in the Press, POTUS, White House – thanks

2.       Too many acronyms (liked previous “action” segments)  – working

3.       Need to work on “drawing” reader in – working

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

5.       Suggested change “ensure” to “insure” – disagree, correct as written

6.       Suggested adding words to Prayer Call – disagree, overkill

7.       Have POTUS read a report - working

BAM member  -

1.       Delete all but necessary to advance the story – disagree; some foreshadowing, background required for subsequent parts of story

2.       The chumminess between MCPO and VADM comes across as banter –working

3.       Unnecessary history lesson – disagree; that is root of Middle East wars

4.       Suggested changing description of viewgraphs to an analysis – agree, working

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

6.       Felt DDI seemed out of the loop about O’Tooles previous injuries – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Interesting story, dialogue, and development – thanks

2.       No written suggestions

3.       Heavy on details of Defense Department, allies, government – required of genre and story

4.       Uncertain of setting – continuation of in-brief for Adm. Kimmel, under Pentagon

BAM member  –

1.       No written suggestions

2.       Didn’t understand reference to maintenance man – was described in earlier segment

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Felt sparklers would be appropriate, rather than fireworks – disagree; foreshadowing; can do fireworks in desert as family

5.       Suggested rewriting for target audience – disagree; as author I know my military, Clancy-ish audience

6.       Lacked emotion, tension – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Read like a newspaper commentary – working, but a military briefing is typically dry

2.       Liked portions detailing keeping up with the President – thanks

3.       Was the “Flag” POTUS – no, a Flag is a Flag officer, i.e., a General or Admiral

4.       Page 4 became more human – thanks

5.       Liked part about fireworks - thanks

6.       Asked if children to watch fireworks were Anh’s – Yes, and Tooley’s (they’re married)

BAM member  –

1.       Questioned use of “wazoo” and “horse of a different color” –appropriate since American LCOL and VADM were the characters present

2.       Sentences too long – agree, working

3.       Lost track as read – understood, working