BLOG POST 165

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 165

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total pages down to 174; total word countdown down to 94.7 K, and percent is 56 percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

A new assessment of progress showed me I was overly optimistic on progress. Kashan Kashmeeri won’t be ready until early in 2016.

Local Author support – Have signed up to participate in a local authors book fair at Lake of the Woods.

BAM 14 September 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Numerous editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.       Suggested restructured sentences on camouflage – disagree, would reduce realism, and less is not always more.

3.       Suggested removing First Sergeant comments on light, sunrise as a weapon – disagree, realistic tactical comment, and foreshadowing of bright fireworks in the night sky

4.       Questioned saying night was tangibly dark – metaphor for the intensity of mission flight in darkness. May consider changing adjective

5.       Questioned pilot talking of prayer rugs and flyby – disagree, black humor at edge of potential death

6.       Questioned whether paragraph on human response to strong stimuli made the peril real – disagree, accurately reflects thought process for evasive maneuvering out of a kill zone

7.       Questioned mention of “once you confirm targets” as an order to Sgt Hamdoun – disagree, friendlies are in field of fire

8.       Questioned usage of vague terms to describe specific events, “certain danger” – disagree.  May consider changing adjective

BAM member –

1.       Spell out “freq” – disagree, standard military usage

2.       Suggested adding dashes within “to-at-most” – will consider

3.       Suggested capitalizing “bedu”- disagree, would be Israeli slang usage, is Saudi usage

4.       Correct to wording you used – agree, working

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       This reads well – thanks

7.       Some scenes seem repetitive – agree, working

8.       Action was good - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Questioned use of “toughest muthas” – disagree, standard military braggadocio

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3.       Suggested including black and gray to describe firing of fireworks  – disagree, impossible to see in darkness, but need to reduce usage of white

4.       Reduce usage of pupils – agree, working

5.       Vary terminology for helo – agree, working

6.       Increase color variations described (white used too often) – agree, working

7.       Liked segment, was exciting - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Good sense of story, understood it - thanks

2.       Suggested adding pilot’s feelings as fireworks burst around him – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Good section, lots of action – thanks

5.       Good ending, a page turner – thanks

6.       Military action seemed realistic - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Very interesting action  - thanks

2.       Unclear if italics were personal thoughts – yes, usage as before

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Suggested changing “muthas” to “mothers” – disagree, historical usage since sixties

5.       Nice page break – thanks, but was strictly Google Docs spacing effect

6.       Vivid description of helo crash – thanks

7.       Liked tension hook at end, keep reader engaged; a page turner - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Confused by use of capitalized military terms – typical aircraft orders

2.       Saw conflict between “”weapons” and “prayers” – agree, working

3.       Change usage of pupils – agree, working

4.       Confused by whether characters were Israeli or Saudi – disagree, explained before reading

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Not familiar with “Galil” – Israeli assault rifle

7.       Not clear where action was taking place - explained before reading, working to improve

8.       Placement of Captain Katz’ thoughts awkward – working

BAM member –

1.       Good action, some detail missing - thanks

2.       Suggested changing some dialogue – disagree, fits psyche of commandoes for dark humor

3.       Suggested inclusion of sounds, smells from bursts of fireworks – disagree, helo doors closed in flight

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Suggested including feel and balance of helo during maneuvers, being hit by fireworks – working

6.       Suggested splitting up a paragraph for reader tension – agree

7.       Suggested changing “inbound” to “enroute” – disagree, appropriate terminology

8.       Good ending – thanks

9.       Add rescue team reaction to fireworks – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       End of first paragraph a bit telegraphic – disagree, following aircraft communications sequence

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3.       Questioned usage and location of First Sergeant’s prayer – working

4.       Tighten up usage of pupils – agree, working

5.       Suggested making Captain Katz’ thought to italics – agree, working

BAM member (new member) –

1.       No written comments

2.       Too military, mechanical – disagree, genre requirement

3.       Liked portion on limits of human reaction to stimuli - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Good ending (tension hook) – thanks

2.       Hard to follow who was doing what to whom

3.       Reads well - thanks

4.       No written comments