Blog Post 161

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 161

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total pages up to 174; total word countdown up to 94 K, and percent is 49.4 percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

I have, in the interest of promoting local eBook authors and changing how most American public libraries promote (or, actually, ignore) local eBook authors, contacted a local eBook author whose works are at CRRL Fredericksburg, VA area).  I asked the author, Howard Owen, how he got his eBooks to be offered by CRRL.  Perhaps I’ll hear back and get some insight as to how to change the system.

BAM 24 August 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.        Good advancement of story – thanks

3.       Suggested tightening up language – agree, working

4.       Simplify discussion of route through mines – agree, working

5.       Shorten description of “Bagem” – agree, working

6.       Shorten mention of Israeli attacks - agree, working

7.       Recalled previous use of RC car – thanks

8.       Suggested replacing “fire, police, and medical” with “emergency” – agree

9.       Suggested Israeli fighters were F-15s – disagree; F-16s as written

BAM member –

1.       Interesting dialogue and story development – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Confused about countries and the politics and characters – disagree

4.       Suggested new wording re SCIF – disagree, correct grammatically as written

BAM member (new member) –

1.       Loved the action, fast paced – thanks

2.       Suggested use of “incoming” – disagree; inappropriate for setting

3.       Suggested chapterization – working, will consider

4.       Questioned whether F-16s were configured for two aviators – yes

5.       Suggested use “Special” vice “Sensitive” in SCIF – disagree; correct as written

6.       Remove “Innocently” as adverb – agree, working

7.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

8.       Change “Flags” to Flag Officers” - agree

BAM member –

1.       First section good, great description - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Got lost in dialogue between Amir and Khalid – agree, working

4.       Great description of LCOL Framenstan - thanks

5.       Reduce duplicate mention of attack specifics – agree, working

6.       Conversation flowed - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Liked, kept attention – thanks

2.       Good dialogue – thanks

3.       Good description of FAE explosion – thanks

4.       Change “facsimile” to “fax” – agree, working

5.       Suggested tightening up paragraph – agree, working

6.       Nice humor re “pornographic memory” – thanks

7.       Good flow of conversation - thanks

BAM member -

1.       Questioned whether a passerby would look up – disagree

2.       Accentuate conflict between MCPO and VADM – agree, working

3.       Questioned whether highly explosive gas exploded – not at that point

4.       Suggested sentence change related to impact by gigantic wrecking ball – agree, working

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

6.       Questioned reference to an historical figure’s name – I changed the spelling, but knew of it

7.       Questioned character lying to stay in USMC – disagree

8.       Suggested spelling bedu with capital B – disagree; common usage in Arabia is bedu

9.       Suggested converting thoughts of character to spoken dialogue - agree

BAM member –

1.       Kept things (story) moving - thanks

2.       Didn’t understand reference to maintenance man – was described in earlier segment

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Suggested changing “Within a microsecond” to “In less than a second” - agree

5.       Liked image of giant wrecking ball description – thanks

6.       Change “facsimile” to “fax” – agree, working

7.       Questioned use of “building highway” – disagree, foreshadowing

8.       Questioned use of LCOL description including “pornographic memory” – working, part of character’s persona

9.       Suspected reference to NAM and carpet bombing was living in past – disagree, my character and appropriate for genre

10.   Questioned credibility of VADM and LCOL frankness – disagree; know someone like this

BAM member –

1.       Liked first couple of pages and dialogue - thanks

2.       Liked VADM and LCOL dialogue – thanks

3.       Didn’t expect to have to jump under a desk – thanks

4.       Suggested changing “container” to “cart” - disagree