BLOG POST 157

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 157

Process – Am reading Michael Shaara’s  The Killer Angels.  It is athe story of the Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, turning point of that war.

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total pages down to 168; total word count remains 92K, and percent is 43 percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

Occasionally even a critique group suffers from the behavior of its members. One member brought in a segment written by spouse, which could be interpreted as criticism of some students in school. The body language of the member who brought and read the segment changed noticeably, and negatively as another member criticized not only the content but intentions of the writer. In my mind that was unprofessional and made the critique personal.

That critique, if one can call it that, seemed a rant to me.  The criticizer, a retired teacher with many years of teaching, took personal offense at words which described some teachers as mere baby sitters, who pass along failing students.

BAM 03 August 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.        Suggested reworking a sentence – agree, working – thanks

3.       Asked if statement that Amir would be safer in Israel was serious or sarcastic - sarcastic

4.       Good foreshadowing of terror and follow through; well written – thanks

5.       Suggested rewording “a puzzled look saying” – agree, working

6.       Suggested replace (handgun) magazine with clips – disagree, correct terminology

7.       What is a Salukhi – indigenous, wolf like Arabian dog

8.       Suggested rewording several paragraphs for flow – agree, working

9.       Good tension - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Liked interaction between characters, less technical matter – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested describing earth sheltered home agree, working

4.       Suggested moving one sentence to start of paragraph – agree, working

5.       Good conversation between the women – thanks

6.       Good intruder detail, very intense; seemed real – thanks

7.       Suggested rewording one sentence – agree, working

8.       Good way to defuse the intensity of intruder – thanks

9.       Good read; believable parent reactions - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Good dialogue – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree and disagree; working

3.       Good on security alarm, siren and Intruder announcement - thanks

4.       Suggested identifying speakers in dialogue – agree, working

5.       Probably no Taser in Safe Room; would be place for deadly weapon(s)

6.       Good imagery of cubs in safe room – thanks

7.       Questioned whether youngsters would imagine heroic responses while in safe room – agree, working

8.       Liked use of “They’re humping” – thanks

9.       Good writing, some tension, suspense and humor – thanks

10.   Good ending – thanks

11.   Want to turn to next page - thanks   

BAM member –

1.       Great addition - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Show, don’t tell about earth-sheltered home – agree, working

4.       Questioned whether Fadia was at home – was, is (briefly)

5.       Great resolution to intruder – thanks

6.       Suggested make thoughts into stated words (didn’t feel right) – agree, working

7.       Loved scene getting into safe room - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Great imagery – thanks

2.       Loved the secrecy – thanks

3.       Suggested replacing “M&M” with “the boys” - disagree

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

5.       Reference to “kicking dementors’ ass” was great – thanks

6.       I can see it in my mind’s eye – thanks

7.       How is Fadia backup if she can use a Taser – disagree; she’s backup (last ditch)

8.       Questioned who is Allat – Ubaidi family pet Salukhi

9.       I understood this chapter easily; great writing – thanks

BAM member -

1.       Liked references to Harry Potter - thanks

2.       Really enjoyed Fadia - thanks

3.       Enjoyed stray dog being the intruder - thanks

4.       I enjoyed this part very much; can’t wait to read more – thanks

5.       Was waiting for someone to come in with dog (intruder)

6.       Separate use of cutting apples and peeling oranges – agree, working

7.       Great, funny, loved it - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Questioned why families were in a bomb shelter (earth sheltered home) – it was home

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Questioned if Saudi military had in-fighting – yes, as do all organizations

4.       Questioned use of American slang by an American

5.       Questioned Ashrah (ten in Arabic) - is a military unit, not a person

6.       Wonderful juxtaposition of terror amid the everyday – thanks

7.       Suggested “”We’ve got your back” in lieu of “You’re our backup” – disagree; doesn’t fit

8.       Your best writing is on this page (4); I liked a lot – thanks

9.       Suggested changing character’s words become thoughts – working

10.   Done so beautifully; good story - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Fun, and suspenseful (Guns and dogs) - thanks

2.       Suggested organize first paragraph better; describe home – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Good mix of high and low, fear and dogs - thanks

5.       Questioned wording of whether Munirah said Fadia was - working

BAM member –

1.       Good scene with intruder - thanks

2.       Liked women’s’ conversation; made sense and credible - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Chapter in a book? - mainly

2.       Enjoyed the humor – thanks

3.       Fun to read; enjoyed – thanks

4.       Want to read more - thanks