BLOG POST 158

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 158

Process – Completed reading Michael Shaara’s The Killer Angels.  It is the story of the Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, turning point of that war.

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total pages down to 171; total word countdown to 92K, and percent is 46 percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

The RWG guest speaker was New York Times Best Seller John Gilstrap, author of “No Mercy”, Nathan’s Run,” and “Against All Enemies.” He offered the following ideas based on being commercially successful as a thriller/mystery writer –

Select one POV, make it central to each scene

Use short sentences, paragraphs – even single word sentences

Insert a visual break or space if shift POV or scene

Find and use the minimal military jargon level

Incorporate a clueless character

Use conflicts, tension, drama in dialogue

Have characters do something to show their character

Use a variety of POVs, shifting POV

Use what works for you

His works go through following levels of review and approval – Editor; Copy editor; Page Proofer; Proof Reader. And yet he said mistakes still come out the end.  He doesn’t go back to fix them.  See john@johngilstrap.com

RWG 08 August 2015 critique comments

RWG member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.        Suggested reworking a sentence – agree, working – thanks

3.       Asked if statement that Amir would be safer in Israel was serious or sarcastic - sarcastic

4.       Good foreshadowing of terror and follow through; well written – thanks

5.       Suggested rewording “a puzzled look saying” – agree, working

6.       Suggested replace (handgun) magazine with clips – disagree, correct terminology

RWG member –

1.       Asked how many were in first dialogue - three

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Dialogue better - thanks

4.       Questioned if technology of tracking phone was known to all (2005) – yes, working

5.       Liked dialogue about Emergency Team response and results – thanks

6.       Questioned whether several sections were foreshadowing – Yes.

RWG member –

1.       Liked story – thanks

2.       Is Tooley O’Toole – yes

3.       Suggested several sentences too formal – agree, disagree

4.       Many minor editorial changes – agree, working

5.       Suggested remove some military jargon – disagree; genre interest area

6.       Suggested change “planes” to “birds” – disagree; in military “bird’ is a missile

7.       Remove “standard brevity code …” – agree, working

8.       Liked description of rules for eating - thanks

RWG member –

1.       Excellent rhyme and dialogue – thanks

2.       Loved the secrecy – thanks

3.       Much improved - thanks

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

5.       Vivid, excellent – thanks

6.       Suggested reordering two sentences – agree, working

7.       Whole lot of interesting things; you’ve got a novel here – thanks

8.       1000 miles from last year’s effort – thanks

9.       Dialogue getting better and better – thanks

10.   Liked Tooley eating and analyzing the water truck - thanks

RWG member -

1.       Is a fine piece, much improved - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested spelling Bedouin fully – disagree; common usage in Arabia is bedu

4.       Questioned removal of underling – disagree; needed as speaker’s emphasis

5.       Questioned use of “standard brevity code …” – agree, working

6.       Characters we care about – thanks

7.       Some technical data not needed – agree, working

8.       Liked Tooley analyzing the trucks tires while eating - thanks

RWG member –

1.       Very good, enjoyed – thanks

2.       Change “playing coy” to show, not tell – agree, working

3.       Change “measured alarm on his face” to show, not tell – agree, working

4.       Change “words were clear, directive” to show, not tell – agree, working

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

6.       Good use of foreshadowing, underlying tension  - thanks

7.       Suggested change of several words – agree, working

RWG member –

1.       Good scene with intruder - thanks

2.       Liked dialogue  – thanks

3.       A bit technical – working

4.       Liked description of fighter pilots - thanks

5.       Change awkward sentence about “we can track his phone” – agree, working