BLOG POST 159

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 159

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total pages up to 172; total word countdown up to 92.5 K, and percent is 47 percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

BAM 10 August 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.        Suggested using more showing, vice telling (narrative) – agree, working

3.       Suggested moving adverb – agree, working

4.       Suggested making thoughts into dialogue – agree, working

5.       Reads well – thanks

6.       Suggested make thoughts into dialogue  – agree, working

7.       Loved it - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Terrific here –thanks

2.        Good dialogue, action – thanks

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Part of page 3 “too talky” – working

5.       Good follow on – thanks

6.       Incorporate alarms in aircraft – disagree; infrared missile used (no aircraft sensors to detect)

BAM member  –

1.       Some very good writing  – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Excellent rhythm and pace – thanks

4.       Language is very authentic – thanks

5.       Good action and imagery, highly visual  – thanks

6.       Good humor, raw language – thanks

7.       Liked “Blam … whoosh” – thanks; but will remove

8.       (Your writing has) really come along - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Good chapter with lots of action and very good dialogue – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested verb changes to show effects of hearing loss – agree, working

4.       Suggested revised sentence – agree, working

5.       Military description appropriate and not overdone – thanks

6.       Suggested removing “Blam … whoosh” – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Sorry I left Saturday and missed earlier segment - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested make thoughts into dialogue– agree, working

4.       How did Tooley know they were tracking cell phone – because he had read report of previous missile attack

BAM member  –

1.       Loved the tension; opened with a bang  – thanks

2.       Vivid imagery, great writing – thanks

3.       Suggested removing “her pulse and BP soared” unless medical analysis - disagree

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

5.       Love it! – thanks

6.       Cool, well done – thanks

7.       I can see this in my mind – thanks

8.       The dialogue is perfect, believable - thanks

BAM member  -

1.       So, Tooley knew (of tracking cell phones, but Amir didn’t) – Both knew, but Tooley acted

2.       Minimize telling (narrative); show – agree, working

3.       Wasn’t clear who is shooting whom – Saudis (see name) are shooting Israelis

4.       Remove “Blam … whoosh” – agree, working

BAM member  -

1.       Questioned how Tooley knew they were tracking cell phone – smart guy

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, and disagree

3.       Suggested removing “Blam … whoosh” – agree, working

4.       Great addition – thanks

5.       Watch POV shifts – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Great writing; you even manage humor – thanks

2.       Mentioned not pausing during reading –

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Much better, mixing nomenclature with everyday speech more natural – thanks

5.        Suggested making thoughts into dialogue – agree, working

6.       Liked the switch in POV (up in the air, then on the ground) - thanks

7.       Suggested making thoughts into new paragraph - disagree

BAM member  –

1.       Excellent description; I haven’t seen better from you  - thanks

2.       Improve awkward wording “outflanked and outgunned”  – agree, working

3.       Ejection seat description strong - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Really is good; meaningful and clear - thanks

2.       No written comments

3.       Use less telling, more showing – agree, working