BLOG POST 153

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 153

Process – No changes.

BAM 29 June 2015 critique comments

BAM member   –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree, and disagree

2.        Misread Italics (self thought) as dialogue

3.       Questioned meaning, usage of palms upward – working to clarify

4.        Questioned P sub K (Probability of Kill) – agree, working

5.       Suggested describe direction Al Khali went – disagree; intended to leave it unclear

6.       Suggested identify direction recruit pointed – disagree; intended to leave it unclear

7.       Suggested change “away from the public” to read “on a short leash” - agree

BAM member   –

1.       Page one excellent – thanks

2.       Best I’ve seen you provide - thanks

3.       May need better transitions - working

4.       Better use of acronyms - thanks

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree, and disagree

6.       Explain rhetorical comment – disagree

7.       Clarify Blackhawks being refueled – agree, working

8.       Clarify what transmission – disagree; covered above as spy transmitted

9.       Suggested describe part in more detail – disagree, want to leave vague, intriguing

BAM member   –

1.       Great moving action, good use of dialogue - thanks

2.       Questioned whether entry to meeting room on a different level – no, single floor, underground

3.       Questioned whether POV was clear as he understood it – yes, you understood it as I wrote it

BAM member   –

1.       Good chapter, good action and suspense – thanks

2.       Shot gunned is single word - agree

3.       Questioned Capitalization, bolding for Call Signs, aviation orders – agree

4.       Good foreshadowing at end – thanks

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree, and disagree

6.       Make Search and Rescue lower case – disagree, specific military usage

7.       Unclear why entry at different door made difference – explained previously

8.       GPS targeting would have been more precise – agree; missile aim point was fifty meters east of where watch signal ceased

BAM member   -

8.       Good sequence  – thanks

1.       Confusion with names Kareemi, Al Khali – agree, working

2.       Needs more info in certain areas – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, and disagree

4.       Add more about Al Khali’s Israeli connection – working

5.       Questioned use of P sub K (Probability of Kill) – agree, working

6.       Suggested removal of Blackhawk Call Signs – disagree, relevant later

7.       Suggested add Al Khali as name of the Sergeant Israeli helos are going to rescue – disagree; they would have been briefed on his Israeli name (Levi Megoonar)

BAM member   –

1.       Mostly clear, moves well - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested convert two paragraphs to dialogue – agree, working

BAM member   –

1.       Easy to follow, drew me in instantly; Kudos - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes - agree

3.       Liked humor of insufferable know-it-all – thanks

4.       I liked the tension building up; nice work - thanks

BAM member   –

1.       Wow! - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes - agree

3.       Liked humor, comic relief – thanks

4.       Was unclear intended usage of changed font/italics – self thoughts

5.       Simplify identification of NMCC command center - agree

BAM member   –

1.       Very well done - thanks

2.       The best so far  – thanks

3.       Good simple dialogue, fast moving – thanks

4.       Questioned female officer in Saudi forces – disagree; author making a point

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

6.       Clarify what transmission – disagree; covered above as spy transmitted

7.       Questioned whether Sergeant would talk this way to Colonel – disagree; it was First Lieutenant

BAM member   –

1.       No written comments

2.       Able to understand all the way through – thanks

3.       Good job – thanks