Blog Post 155

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 155

BAM 20 July 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.        Good flow – thanks

3.       Suggested change of dialogue to inner dialogue – disagree

4.       Questioned meaning of A roll video – TV journalist/photographer term

5.       Clarify “Iranian front” – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Good dialogue – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested identifying speakers in dialogue – agree, working

BAM member  -

1.       Narrative is too lengthy, shorten - working

2.       Questioned whether a boy would ask this – my character does

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Questioned meaning of A roll video – TV journalist/photographer term

BAM member  –

1.       Liked dialogue between Tooley and son – thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested delete second “din” of “din din” – disagree

4.       Thought final portion – phone conversation from Iran on war preps was about air combat - no

BAM member  –

1.       Dialogue between Tooley and son was great - thanks

2.       Suggested add body gestures and expressions to dialogue – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Last portion too technical, suggested deletion – disagree, style and genre, background

5.       Questioned meaning of A roll video – TV journalist/photographer term

BAM member  –

1.       Questioned where initial dialogue took place – same as previous, Arabia

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Each chapter a surprise, an interesting story – thanks

4.       Questioned meaning of A roll video – TV journalist/photographer term