Blog Post 148

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 148

Authors – Finished The Easter Offensive by Colonel G.H. Turley, USMCR (Ret). It is a non-fiction account of the 1972 North Vietnamese Army’s invasion of the republic to the South, and exposes treachery, bravery, cowardice and frustration of military leaders and advisors in Military Region I from numerous sources available.  It is an instructive assessment of how senior military can become out of touch with reality on the ground.  It also speaks to the political will of America’s reduced support of an ally after a very divisive war and inept, duplicitous leadership at home.

Local Authors – No new entries.

Process – Progress, in terms of critiqued segments, stands at 25 percent.  

Redo of Timeline has shrunk part two of the novel from 116 to 109 pages.  Part of my process involves preparation of segments (two and a half pages for RWG; five pages for BAM critique – both printed at line and a half spacing) for personal screening. I typically reprint these three to five times at home as I improve word choice, eliminate multiple use of same phrases, and fix flow.

The process of listening and responding to, incorporating suggestions from critiques is critical. I ask the reviewers to identify themselves on the copies, keep both their marked up copies, and save WORD versions of each critique. As I go through the markups I go back and forth between my Master segment copy, from which I read the segments, and the review markups.

Each reviewer has value, but some are fairly negative and unhelpful, a few occasionally are blank. Some precious few are gems whose verbal comments and markups are particularly helpful. In saved critiques and in my Blog Posts I note whether I “Agree” and am working to address the criticisms, or “Disagree” for some reason.

I remove the identity of reviewers on the Blog for anonymity. All suggestions and criticisms somehow become part of the finished segments, which are re-spaced (from critique spacing of one and a half) to single line spacing.

The revised segment is “cut and pasted” back into the overall novel in the appropriate place in the timeline.

Now wasn’t that fascinating … a part of my process?

BAM 01 June 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Not much action, just talking heads – suggestions would have been appreciated

2.       Dialogue seems intrusive, stereotypical – working

3.       Classified some wording “As if he didn’t know” - suggestions would have been appreciated

BAM member –

1.       Use character names, vice American, journalist, Italian – agree, working

2.       Suggested editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Use name of air base - agree

4.        Suggested “the news services” vice naming them – agree

5.       Revise imbedded to embedded - agree

6.       Reduce dialogue to move from hints to details – agree, working

7.       Suggested moving reference to cover name – working, will remove

BAM member – -

1.       A very interesting story - thanks

2.       Questioned if Cultural Attaché would have Embassy office  –

3.       Minor editorial suggestion – agree

4.       Suggested describing encrypted phone arrangements – agree

5.       Asked if two characters are CIA and foreign “asset” - indeed

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes - agree

2.       Was not clear who named characters were – disagree, previously identified

3.       Suggested using “News networks” vice list of them – agree, working

4.       Make talk between characters more intimate – agree, working

5.       Questioned manner of listing of tense events at border – agree, working

6.       Revise imbedded to embedded - agree

BAM member –

1.       More relatable story  - thanks

2.       Minor editorial suggestion - agree

3.       Questioned fit of “yada yada” – working to find similar

BAM member –  

1.       Didn’t understand meaning of “they both knew better”  – previous background, agree

2.       Remove duplication mention of motors running – agree

3.       Numerous editorial changes – agree

4.       Noted failure to ask about character’s family – agree, working

5.       Didn’t understand meaning of “other cousins family” – disagree, previous background

6.       Clarify identity of speakers – agree

7.       Liked “Peace is in place, but not trust” – thanks

8.       Reduce repetitive phrasing – agree, working

9.       Suggested eliminating reference to cover name – agree, working

10.   Suggested incorporating a meal to provide action to the meet – agree, working

11.   Suggested describing setup of encrypted phone – agree, working

BAM member –  

1.       Good conversation and character interaction, relatable - thanks

2.       Questioned use of “prophesized” – agree, working

3.       Questioned use of “unpleasantness” vice war – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Reads well, not as technical as before - thanks

2.       Suggested editorial changes – agree, working

3.       Suggested identifying speakers – agree, working

4.       Suggested using “News groups” vice list of them – agree, working

5.       Questioned mention of Romans going off to war for centuries – disagree, authors choice and reference to underlying back story

6.       Liked “Peace is in place, but not trust” – thanks

7.       Asked about ability of journalists to use cell phones despite military controls – working, phone and GPS jammers are available

8.       Felt reference to officer and enlisted was confusing – disagree, character development

9.       Too wordy, use more action – agree, working to build tension in dialogue

BAM member –  

1.       Your characters show seasoning by life experiences, can relate - thanks

2.       The reality of situation is reiterated  –

3.       Liked “get hooked on the graphic stories” as good advice for our generation – thanks

4.       Nice touch showing Stefano was every day man – thanks

5.       Liked “being a target got old fast” – agree

6.       Good character development - thanks

New BAM member –

1.       No written comments