BLOG POST 147

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 147

Authors – No new entries.

Local Authors – No new entries.

Process – Progress, in terms of critiqued segments, stands at 25 percent.  

Major effort underway to restructure the whole enchilada; reformat it to the chronology of revised novel timeline. Kashan Kashmeeri stands at 167 pages, with editing to do as I’ve reformatted Part 02 to sequence it according to the new Timeline. Part 01 (0f 02) equals 51 reviewed pages. Part 02 is currently at 116 pages, but I recognize I need to cut several segments dealing with armor (tank) engagements between the Royal Saudi Land Force, Royal Jordanian and Israeli armor units. Sounds exciting – it will be!!!

Attended the CRRL Focus Group meeting on its Strategic Plan to satisfy users ….. I was the SOLE attendee at the CRRL Headquarters branch meeting. The moderator noted that she had read all my previous inputs centering on support to Local Authors. I restated my research findings – that of the over 114,000 eBooks offered by the library only one was by a local author, and purchased over a dozen years earlier. I challenged the library by asking - When would it purchase its second eBook by a local author?

BAM 18 May 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       First segment can be tightened, shortened – agree, working

2.       Unclear whether “June 2004” was supposed to identify timing of story – yes

3.       Thought historical references about fireworks were unnecessary – agree, working

4.       Clarify if fireworks were to be weapons, or how they’d work – No, working

5.       Too flowery describing WWII Germans - working

BAM member –

1.       First segment interesting, but needs clarity – agree, working

2.        Suggested introducing fireworks engineer earlier - agree

3.       Good foreshadowing with fireworks and RC car – agree

4.       Liked grounds keeper and potential for unintended consequences – you read my mind

5.       Clarify purpose of reworking sabot tank ammo – my intention

6.       Clarify where Manama is – Bahrain

7.       Suggested identifying speakers – agree, working

8.       Clarify where Ashdod is – Israel

9.       Minor editorial changes - agree

BAM member -

1.       If these segments portend things to come give more clues – working, but don’t want to give away the story

2.       Identify the speakers – agree, working

3.       Describe sabot and fall way behavior  - agree, working

4.       Reasons for use of fireworks not clear – disagree (camel races, etc noted)

5.       Describe “other ideas” for anti-tank rounds – agree, working

6.       Clarify if fireworks will have explosive role – no, but good reading

7.       Five thousand feet is too high for fireworks – agree, working

8.       Clarify what RC car was – but liked – remote controlled

BAM member –

1.       Unclear what a “fall away piece” meant – agree, working

2.       Unclear whether segments are about weapons or fireworks – both, and in separate marked segments

BAM member –

1.       Unclear whether WWII references – disagree (Axis, Allied, occupied France, Fritz) - disagree

Tried not to use German(s) repetitively

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3.       Suggested describe “other ideas” for tank ammo – agree, working

4.       Suggested identifying fireworks engineer earlier – agree

5.       Identify speaker in dialogue – agree

6.       Liked the fireworks segment potential for twist – her innocence; his deceit – thanks

7.       Correct broken English in thoughts of grounds keeper - agree

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial suggestions – agree

2.       Unsure why MODA and 105mm were bolded  - agree

3.       Describe sabot ammo briefly – agree, working

4.       Clarify if there’s a connection between fireworks and tank ammo – there is none

5.       Use of RC car was good foreshadowing - thanks