BLOG POST 152

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 152

Process – As a new technique to sustain a greater level of review and consolidation of the novel I’ve begun working three to four segments simultaneously. Unfortunately some segments are ready for review out of sequence to the timeline. Such is life.

BAM 22 June 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Really liked action - thanks

2.        Confused by names, nicknames – agree, working to simplify

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

4.       Explain what Peters is doing, explain his nervousness – agree, working

5.       Describe placement of Arabia, Jordan, Israel – disagree, implied in north, south and geography

6.       Is a Warrant an officer - yes

BAM member  -

1.       One of better efforts – thanks

2.       Confusion with names Kareemi, Al Khali – agree, working

3.       Suggested clarify “- not present, but accounted for” – agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Not clear who is on which side - working

2.       Use acronyms in dialogue – disagree, Call Signs and aviation orders are not acronyms

3.       Read better than last week – thanks

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Need to clarify that Hummer is in the scene – working

6.       Not clear at whom the helo is shooting – disagree, at spy, murderer in Hummer

7.       Confused as to American, Israeli, and spy – the spy is Kareemi Al Khali (Israeli), but this isn’t his real name

BAM member  –

1.       Great moving action, good use of dialogue - thanks

2.       Questioned POV in one area - working

3.       Lots of tension and action – thanks

4.       Good description of helo wiping out Hummer – thanks

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Clarify that helo means helicopter – agree

7.       Asked if Saudi helo was an Apache – no, a straight stick (basic) Huey configured as gunship

8.       Reduce technical level describing helo controls – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Good war scene - thanks

2.       Confused at who was who – agree, working to simplify naming

3.       Build empathy or emotion for Al Khali’s death – disagree, he’s a spy and murderer

4.       Good description of helo wiping out Hummer – thanks

5.       Are helos helicopters – yes

6.       Good details of helo wiping out Hummer – thanks

7.       Minor editorial changes – agree

BAM member  –

1.       Clarify “cyclic” usage  – agree, working (controls Huey movements)

2.       Clarify “Tell that bastard of consequence …” – agree, working

3.       Very good description of helo wiping out Hummer – thanks

4.       Good dialogue – thanks

5.       Clarify who pushed red button on speaker console – agree, working

6.       Is someone pro-Israeli – not exactly

BAM member  –

1.       Action wonderful – thanks

2.       Clarify who is who - working

3.       Clarify who is pilot – Saudi Major Walid Najeed

4.       Capitalize wadi - disagree

BAM member  –

1.       Confused by use of varying names for characters – agree, working

2.       Great action and good dialogue – thanks

3.       Read better than last week – thanks

4.       Asked about wadis – dry creek beds in desert

BAM member  –

1.       Good action, dialogue – thanks

2.       Helo used too often – agree, working

3.       Questioned Capitalization, bolding for Call signs, aviation orders – investigating

4.       Liked cliff hanger tension at end – thanks

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

6.       Remove exclamation points and ellipses – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       No written comments

2.       Good stuff in here – thanks

3.       No idea who was fighting – agree, working to clarify

4.       Good tension at end – thanks

BAM member  –

1.       No written comments

2.       Liked action and ending - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Reads well, lots of very good action – thanks

2.       Excellent story movement - thanks