BLOG POST 150

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 150

Authors – Started a re-read of Clancy’s The Bear and the Dragon. It is a formidable thousand plus pages, but fascinating to a military vet.

Local Authors – Met local author Jamil Aaron, who was at the Salem Church branch of the local library to promote his book – Thinking with the Big Head.

RWG 13 June 2015 critique comments

RWG member  –

1.       Good action, tension – thanks

1.        Keeps you (reader) on edge - thanks

2.       Good dialogue; topical military talk – thanks

3.       Very visual; good job – thanks

4.       Good humor hook to keep you reading the book - thanks

RWG member  –

1.       Excellent suspense and denouement – thanks

2.       Gently constructed sequence – good dialogue – thanks

3.       Questioned whether terrorists’ car was armored – no

4.       Remarkably good dialogue – thanks

5.       Clear what happened; damn good – thanks

6.       Stands by itself - thanks

RWG member  –

1.       Nice tight writing, good tension – thanks

2.       Very graphic (bits of terrorists), keep it – thanks

3.       Great – “paint a car on the side of fuselage” – thanks

4.       Plot (of taking out terrorist) too easy – disagree

RWG member  –

1.       Questioned scrambling of CAP due cost – agree, working

2.       Asked how two agents would move into place – disagree, not necessary to flow

3.       Great action, tension - thanks

4.       Suggested verify use of “FOX ONE” for Hellfire – agree; will use correct term for Maverick (RIFLE)

5.       Good use of tension hook at end – thanks

6.       Military talk realistic – thanks

7.       Asked how two agents knew which car – agree, working

8.       Good use of aviator bravado – “paint car on side …” - thanks

RWG member  –

1.       Wow – “just signed his death certificate” - thanks

2.        Progresses very well – thanks

3.       I like this better than anything you’ve brought lately/written - thanks

4.       Very good choice - :bits of terrorists” - thanks

5.       Good intro to what follows - thanks

6.       Good; not too much military nomenclature; credible - thanks

RWG member  –

1.       Questioned “Such and Such” bridge – slang for Shukhan bin Shukhan

2.       There’s a lot of good stuff here; enjoyed the action - thanks

3.       The story was interesting – thanks

4.       Some of aviator comments sound too American – disagree; IAF and USN, USAF train together

RWG member  –

1.       Very clear, though technical – thanks

2.       Good, smooth moving narrative - thanks

3.       Great action piece, good dialogue - thanks

4.       Minor editorial changes – disagree and agree, working

5.       Smiley face - thanks

RWG member  –

1.       Great tension, very good plot and action - thanks

2.       Minor editorial changes – disagree and agree, working

3.       Great – “paint a car on the side of fuselage” - thanks

4.       Suggested change home plate to home base – disagree; correct aviator terminology

5.       Change expensive to luxury – agree

6.       Poor Jabali – I felt for him – thanks

7.       Loved, loved … Good, good – thanks

8.       Loved tension throughout - thanks

RWG member  –

1.       Good dialogue – thanks

2.       Military lingo enhances the story - thanks

3.       Dramatic – “signed his death certificate” - thanks

4.       It seems the writer understands military lingo – definitely

5.       Suggested a more graphic description – disagree; works as is

6.       Liked use of baseball metaphor “home plate” – actually just military aviator jargon

7.       Good hook at end - thanks

Military technical expert  –

1.       Change Hellfire to Maverick for technical accuracy - agree