BLOG POST 209

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 209

The process –

Here is a second segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

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Both teens knew being shot required a shoot-‘em-up, unless a wizards’ wand was involved. The magical moment ended abruptly as a Call to Prayer reverberated from the speaker system. It interrupted everyone’s thoughts. Mick paused the movie, “What was that?’

Mamo reached up and muted the speaker. He began explaining the prayer call until a siren suddenly pierced the air. All covered their ears and stared incredulously towards the alarm. Flashing strobe lights added further tension, magnetizing everyone’s attention. The security panel near one light loudly announced a recorded warning:

                                  INTRUDER AT STAIRS! INTRUDER AT STAIRS!

Munirah fluttered her right hand in a horizontal gathering motion, beckoned Anh and the youngsters. “Move … quickly.” She hurried ahead to a cabinet, took a key, and opened it. From a rack within came a handgun and several magazines. She inserted one magazine. The expressions of the teenagers and Fadia accelerated from curiosity to fear.

Munirah turned, alarm on her face, and pointed down the hallway, “Get in our safe room … Now!”

Glassy with adrenaline, eyes cycled frenetically between horror, fear, and disbelief at the dual stimuli of the alarm and the pistol. As they assembled, Munirah pushed a button inset in the wall. A motor activated and a solid metal panel closed off the hallway.

Like a mother bear, the mothers’ eyes swept up to a security monitor as their youngsters moved to the room at the end of the hall. Munirah believed no one would mess with her cubs with mother bear around. Those that did risked getting their faces eaten off.

Mamo, suddenly aware of the implications of an intruder, turned to his older sister, “Will they hurt us?”

Fadia pulled the boys and Bai closer, “No!” Her answer was not convincing. “I’ll protect you, and the alarm summoned an Emergency Team from the base.” Her tone was now calm, “They’ll be here soon.”

Fadia shouted, “Mother, shoot him, or let me slam him.” She assumed a martial arts stance.

Munirah pointed, “No, Fadia. There are two Tasers in the cabinet. Get one!” 

Fadia scurried to the cabinet, and grabbed a Taser, tentatively fingering its trigger, “How do I use it?”

“Don’t worry; you’ve seen enough movies to know. I’ll shoot him, if he gets in. You’re our backup.” She paused, looked around, mentally assessing if all preparations were in place. “A team is coming from the base,” Munirah pronounced.

M&M, Bai, and Fadia had earlier each imagined some personal heroics. They uttered prayers in multiple languages … “Save us, we pray, from the sword of the stranger.”

“Anh, we’ll be safe. They can’t get through the barrier, but I’m ready.” Munirah slid the barrel assembly back and chambered a round, “Amir trained me to shoot.”

Fadia’s expression paled as she watched her mother’s finger rub the trigger guard.

Then all eyes shifted instantly to movement on the monitor. The pet Salukhi slunk behind the stairs beyond the fountain and yelped.

“Mom, don’t let them hurt Allat,” Bai pleaded, “Maybe she’ll chase them away.”

Soon the monitor exposed the intruder. A stray dog had snuck in; the monitor soon gave a close up of the Salukhis coupling. The on screen action generated chuckles from the mothers.

Fadia and the boys shared knowing grins. Mick tagged Mamo’s shoulder with a soft punch, blurted, “They’re humping, Mom!”

A puzzled look spread on Bai’s face, quickly replaced by an uncomfortable blush, “Yukky!”

Munirah pushed the button again and the metal panel motored back. Everyone walked to the family room and sat. Allat walked over, lay down, and licked Fadia’s foot.

Fadia whispered, “That stray was handsome for a Salukhi. I bet their puppies will be cute.” She bent down, grinned, and hugged Allat, “You slut.”

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BAM 16 Jan 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Another good addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Dialogue between Mick and George filled in Mick’s character – thanks

4.      Simplify George’s laptop log in - agree, working

5.      Use only one term/name for George – agree, working

6.      Flowed well – thanks

7.      Remove POV conflicts – agree, working

8.      Add foreshadowing of conflict – agree, working

9.      Tighten up dialogue – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Thought Elliott was a new character – agree, working

2.      Remove POV conflicts – agree, working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Some sections can be shortened – agree, working

5.      Seemed strange that George was hacking databases, violating his clearance – disagree, he’s cleared “trusted” and this is part of what he does

6.       Add foreshadowing of conflict – agree, working

7.      Suggested deleting first section on Bai’s first day of classes – disagree, sets up action later

BAM member –

1.      Editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Correct POV shift on first page – agree, working

3.      Use only one term/name for George – agree, working

4.      Better if George says “I’m crazy about your sister” and remove rest – agree, working

5.      Add foreshadowing of conflict – agree, working

6.      Tighten up dialogue – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Liked section with Bai’s first day on campus -thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Correct POV shifts – agree, working

4.      Use only one term/name for George, unless different characters speaking – agree, working

5.      Wording awkward about “when I wake, shower …” – agree, working

6.      Questioned why George would say “I saw you …” – agree, working

7.      Add foreshadowing of conflict – agree, working

8.      Shorten dialogue between George and Mick – agree, working

9.      I have a feeling “finding Judy” is going to bite everyone - agree

BLOG POST 208

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 208

The process –RWG monthly meeting/Christmas gathering -  Members conducted book swaps, exchanging my Kashan Kashmeeri with fellow RWG authors for the following:

            Bronwen Chisholm – Behind the mask – BUY!

I re-read a favorite book, Tom Clancy’s – The Teeth of the Tiger and David Baldacci’s The Collectors, Stone Cold, and Divine Justice. I’m getting a feel for detective genre as I research material for my future Murder and Mayhem series.

I found some free software programs on the Internet, installed them and converted PDF copies of my first two novels to Word format. My earlier copies had been lost when my external hard drive copies … went away with the wind. Now I can begin to edit and update the two novels into trimmer second editions, then publish them as Print on demand.

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Ah, at last. I’m including a segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

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T

hat flight, it was two years ago, actually twenty-six months. I’ll never forget what happened,” Khuman looked at Amir, uncertain if he should discuss a clandestine operation, even with a lieutenant general he knew, “It was the most terrifying day of my life.”

Amir looked at his colleagues’ face, “Colonel, just to be clear, the plan for that mission was mine. I authorized and funded that undertaking … well, actually Force Ten funded that flight.”

The aviator wrung his hands, “It was a long time ago; yet I’m talking about it for the first time. Everyone on the Op was sworn to secrecy. It started out as a normal flight, even if it was across several countries, at night and below radar coverage. An hour before we were to take off, we loaded and filled two fuel bladders, and two armed ATVs. Then heavily armed commandos marched on board, guarding four small strong boxes with painted out labeling.”

“I read the report of the operation, but much more went on that was not documented. Fill me in.”

“General, I was comfortable with the extra fuel, but I hated having those ATVs onboard. They could break loose and disrupt my plane’s stability. And those armed commandos made me nervous. My pre-flight brief covered just the route and little on the assignment.  I’d never flown black ops before … and we were flying a long, long way loaded for trouble. Even my plane’s insignia was painted over.”

“I expect you figured out what we were doing by the time you got back?”

“Yes. We flew to a clandestine airfield to meet a black market arms dealer and get some old missiles.”

“That didn’t all show up in the TOP SECRET report.”

“Far more than that happened. When we landed, three armed pickup trucks surrounded my plane, blocking takeoff. We positioned ATVs and guards to provide our own security. The situation was scary as hell,” the aviator said. He squirmed, sweat rolling off his brow despite the passage of two plus years.

“I thought we’d been set up, my plane would be stormed, and we’d all be killed. C-130s are a premium item on the black market and we were in a precarious situation. I nervously kept two motors running.” Khuman’s forehead wrinkled with anxiety, “Our men were confronting theirs. Takeoff seemed impossible and we were outgunned … and I didn’t have a clue what was going to happen.”

“Go on.”

                                    *********************************************

BAM 09 Jan 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Good addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Easy to follow – thanks

4.      Focus more on Bai in second scene, seemed formal – agree, working

5.      Questioned meaning of Mick spraying in bathroom – for fumes, with deodorant

BAM member –

1.      Very easy to follow – thanks

2.      Enjoyed, nice flow – thanks

3.      Enjoyed conversation – thanks

4.      Three mentions of use of humor – thanks

5.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

6.      Questioned whether Bai would know her brothers’ emotions – yes, grew up together

7.      The characters seemed real – thanks

8.      Dialogue seemed too mushy when Bai teared up - agree, working

BAM member –

1.      POV is strong – thanks

2.      Unclear whether POV was Maria or Bai in second section - working

3.      What does “tepid” mean – tentatively, weakly

4.      Thought mentioning “this” as reference to dinner theater was brilliant

5.      Correct POV shift on first page – agree, working

6.      Thought baseball video playback review non-existent – in use by MLB since 2009

7.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

8.      Suggested deleting obvious statements of feelings – agree, working

9.      Correct POV error at end – agree, working

BAM member (New member) –

1.      Dialogue seemed too formal when Bai teared up - agree, working

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Correct POV shift on first page – agree, working

4.      Remove “Life’s not fair” as obvious, implied – agree, working

5.      Questioned mention of academic paper reflecting feelings – disagree, intentional

BAM member (New member) –

1.       Still learning what to look for

2.      Are all the characters made up (fictional) – Yes

3.      No written comments

BAM member (arrived too late to participate) –

1.       No verbal or written comments

BLOG POST 207

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 207

BAM 12 Dec 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Many POV shifts – agree, working to improve

3.      Speaker not identified at several points – disagree, identity shown

4.      Change use of “retarded” to better words – agree, working

5.      Insert better description of Bai’s reaction to George’s profession of love – agree

6.      Some couples do jump in bed on third date, but seems fast for an awkward character like George – agree, working

7.      Relationship seemed to develop too fast - agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Description of Baked Alaska nicely written – thanks

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree with most, working

3.      Passion and plans for sex developed too fast, unrealistically – agree, working

4.      No one, other than celebrities use the term “so awesome” – agree, working

5.      Calling a girlfriend/boyfriend a “puppy” is insulting – disagree

6.      “Being in love with” another character brought up too fast - agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Eliminate “head hopping” / POV shifts – agree, working

2.      George’s use of “secret agent shit” seems unrealistic for his character – agree, working

3.      Clarify how Bai can speak as they kiss – agree, working

4.      Character relationship develops awfully fast – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Romance seemed to build fast, possible with some couples

2.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Think romance can go fast, or slow

2.      No written comments

New BAM member –

1.       No verbal or written comments

The review of The Next One is now moved beyond 37 pages.

The process – Recently completed reading Michael Herr’s “Dispatches.” The book is about a journalists’ personal insights into the war in Vietnam. Immersed in the war, Herr offers conveys, in a rambling stream of consciousness narrative, bits and pieces, places and faces of the war, yet offers no central characters. His words vividly captures the feelings of grunts, squids, and others as the horrors of war emerge. For those of you who are into war stories I recommend it.

RWG monthly meeting/Christmas gathering - Book swaps were a prime part of my day, as I exchanged copies of Kashan Kashmeeri with fellow RWG authors for the following:

            S. Kelly Chambers – Damn the Nanny

            Greg C. Miller – Princess Rachel Adventures, Book 1

            Willey Brown – United States Colored Troop

Highlights of the RWG meeting … There was warm, wonderful music and vocal performances by Shelia Chambers and Malana Henderson. Accompanying the whole thing were delightfully fat free snacks and desserts from fellow RWG members. I made homemade mango chutney and made a cream cheese dip to be enjoyed with crackers. Fun!

Navy lost a thriller to Army 21-17.

I read a short poem and a segment from Tales from a former Mother-in-Law. See below -

Serenade to Nature – Truth dressed in a white, unbleached cotton costume. Wisdom was in white satin with purple bows. Nature chose browns and spring green. Lust dressed in tight, body hugging flaming red and pink elastic. Others of the town’s cast dressed outlandishly, or conservatively, as the individual actors/actresses personally wished. It was really a very personal performance each time, a true Serenade to Nature.

Weekly practices went by and monthly performances stretched for months, in preparation for the coming Christmas finale in the village theater.

The Director took a whiff, then wafted away the accumulated scents of weeks of practice and performances. He knew it was time. “Ladies, Gentlemen. Turn in all your costumes this week for dry cleaning. It’ll make our finale a more pleasant affair.”

A week later the fresh scented costumes arrived back at the theater and were delivered to the respective dressing rooms.

Moments later the female lead nuzzled up to the Director, stroking his arm sensuously. “We have a problem. I can’t find my costume. My tights are missing.”

“I don’t know who can have them. We’ll just have to look and discover who took them. It should be obvious. She who has your tights is LUST.”

The Christmas tree

Vung Tau                                            A port and R&R city

Holy cow

Run like hell, Di Di Mau

Ruff Puff                                             Local, untrained village militia

Deadly stuff                                                    Everywhere

I’m sure we’ve had enough

Traveling by slicks                             Unarmed helos

Talking over pricks                            AN/PRC series of field radios

Checking each step for punji sticks

Viet Cong

Swan song

It’s the same all day long

Zunis                                                   Aerial rockets

Dai-Uys                                               Officer rank

Buying cool stuff with MPCs                        Military pay certificates, to curb black market

VN bar

R & R                                                   In country or away vacation

Hoofing it to an airfield too far

Rainy season,

Ain’t nature’s treason

Sure ain’t no reason

Ba Xuyen                                            A province in the Mekong Delta

Co Chien                                             A river in the Mekong Delta

Prayers on high that we will win

Binh Thuy                                           US airfield and PBR base

Weapons Free                                                Shoot at anyone, everyone

Pray for Peace and a Christmas tree

BLOG POST 205

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 205

BAM 21 Nov 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      POV usage improved – thanks

3.      One of better additions – thanks

4.      Reduce use of “Chica” – agree, working

5.      Shorten description of the “kiss” – agree, working

6.      Expand the break in phone conversation, show Bai’s reaction – agree, working

7.      Segment moved well, very good - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Not aware of previous sections – are the women in college – yes

2.      Dialogue realistic, liked it - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Usage of POVs has improved – thanks

2.      Take advantage of expanded POV descriptions – agree, working

3.      Reduce use of “shook her head” – agree, working

4.      Shrink description of Mamo – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Flowed smoothly – thanks

2.      Reduce use of “he” – agree, working

3.      Conversation/dialogue modern and realistic – thanks

4.      Cool imagery – thanks

5.      Very few critiques - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Dialogue better, easier to follow - thanks

2.       No written comments

3.      Very good - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Numerous editorial comments – thanks, incorporated

I participated in two local author events recently, at local libraries. Coupled with the second of these was receipt of printed copies of Kashan Kashmeeri. I now have copies to sell person to person at the upcoming Riverside Writers Group Christmas gathering, and at any events I attend.

A full twenty four pages of the upcoming sequel to the Tessera Trilogy – The Next One, have been reviewed. Many, many more to go, but the process is in motion. The Next One is set in 2012 California, and its main characters are the next generation of characters from the trilogy novels. 

BLOG POST 204

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 204

Great News!!! Kashan Kashmeeri, the final novel of the Tessera Trilogy, is available for readers.

Kashan Kashmeeri unfolds in a region of ancient wounds, struggles within and between families, amidst the spices, scents, and intrigue of Arabia.  For readers of military- geopolitical struggles in a turbulent world, the novel thrills with the tension that is the Middle East today. 

For readers of military- geopolitical struggles in a turbulent world, the novel is filled with excitement, tension, lovers embracing, missiles and bullets, and tanks. Against the backdrop only someone who lived there can depict with such insight, it will immerse you in the tension that is the Middle East today.

Iran and Iraq seem poised for another war, and military and political changes force the region, and the world, to the brink. It is a story that had to be told, and to the last moment you’ll be on the edge of your reading space, wondering if the Middle East, and the world, will descend into war, or rise to peace.

List Price: $15.00

5.5" x 8.5" (13.97 x 21.59 cm)
Black & White on White paper
262 pages

ISBN-13: 978-1539418382 (CreateSpace-Assigned)
ISBN-10: 1539418383
BISAC: Fiction / Action & Adventure

The author is hard at work on a sequel to the trilogy. Follow the authors process and progress at www.tesseratrilogy.blogspot.com

The novel is available now through www.createspace.com, and through Amazon.com and Amazon Europe in about five business days. Print On Demand or eBook versions are available.

BLOG POST 203

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 203

Process – Finished reading David Baldacci’s The Last Mile. It was a formidable thriller.  I highly recommend it. Next, I read his other Amos Decker novel, Memory Man. I recommend both, but read Memory Man first.

A fellow RWG and BAM critique, Greg Miller, also went through createspace for publication, and brought a “Proof” copy of his novel to this meeting. He is about to publish his fantasy novel  "The Grail of Culloden" a classic epic fantasy, book 1 of a series of 4 in his Westfal series.  He anticipates having it available for sale in December.  I recommend it for those interested in that genre.

BAM 07 Nov 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

Many editorial suggestions – agree, working

Overall pretty good – thanks

Questioned if George went to sleep alone – sadly (for them both) he did, for now

The language/slurring used to show drunkenness not working – agree, working to improve

The dialogue drags, shorten and consolidate - working to improve

Don’t repeat that he’s enjoying the evening – agree, working to improve

Well done transition - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Need to throw characters in a situation with less dialogue; show how they react – agree, working to improve

2.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Questioned use of third person POVs – thanks, working to correct/improve where appropriate

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, will clarify

3.      Questioned if use of “fixture” was intentional – it was, to portray drunkenness and slurred words

BAM member –

1.       Liked how George moved; can see he’s having fun – thanks

2.      George obviously molding with the women, slowly  – thanks

3.      Liked the story - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Good dialogue, a little long in places - thanks

2.       A few typos – disagree, those were intentional attempts to portray drunkenness and slurred words

3.      No written comments