BLOG POST 207

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 207

BAM 12 Dec 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Many POV shifts – agree, working to improve

3.      Speaker not identified at several points – disagree, identity shown

4.      Change use of “retarded” to better words – agree, working

5.      Insert better description of Bai’s reaction to George’s profession of love – agree

6.      Some couples do jump in bed on third date, but seems fast for an awkward character like George – agree, working

7.      Relationship seemed to develop too fast - agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Description of Baked Alaska nicely written – thanks

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree with most, working

3.      Passion and plans for sex developed too fast, unrealistically – agree, working

4.      No one, other than celebrities use the term “so awesome” – agree, working

5.      Calling a girlfriend/boyfriend a “puppy” is insulting – disagree

6.      “Being in love with” another character brought up too fast - agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Eliminate “head hopping” / POV shifts – agree, working

2.      George’s use of “secret agent shit” seems unrealistic for his character – agree, working

3.      Clarify how Bai can speak as they kiss – agree, working

4.      Character relationship develops awfully fast – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Romance seemed to build fast, possible with some couples

2.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Think romance can go fast, or slow

2.      No written comments

New BAM member –

1.       No verbal or written comments

The review of The Next One is now moved beyond 37 pages.

The process – Recently completed reading Michael Herr’s “Dispatches.” The book is about a journalists’ personal insights into the war in Vietnam. Immersed in the war, Herr offers conveys, in a rambling stream of consciousness narrative, bits and pieces, places and faces of the war, yet offers no central characters. His words vividly captures the feelings of grunts, squids, and others as the horrors of war emerge. For those of you who are into war stories I recommend it.

RWG monthly meeting/Christmas gathering - Book swaps were a prime part of my day, as I exchanged copies of Kashan Kashmeeri with fellow RWG authors for the following:

            S. Kelly Chambers – Damn the Nanny

            Greg C. Miller – Princess Rachel Adventures, Book 1

            Willey Brown – United States Colored Troop

Highlights of the RWG meeting … There was warm, wonderful music and vocal performances by Shelia Chambers and Malana Henderson. Accompanying the whole thing were delightfully fat free snacks and desserts from fellow RWG members. I made homemade mango chutney and made a cream cheese dip to be enjoyed with crackers. Fun!

Navy lost a thriller to Army 21-17.

I read a short poem and a segment from Tales from a former Mother-in-Law. See below -

Serenade to Nature – Truth dressed in a white, unbleached cotton costume. Wisdom was in white satin with purple bows. Nature chose browns and spring green. Lust dressed in tight, body hugging flaming red and pink elastic. Others of the town’s cast dressed outlandishly, or conservatively, as the individual actors/actresses personally wished. It was really a very personal performance each time, a true Serenade to Nature.

Weekly practices went by and monthly performances stretched for months, in preparation for the coming Christmas finale in the village theater.

The Director took a whiff, then wafted away the accumulated scents of weeks of practice and performances. He knew it was time. “Ladies, Gentlemen. Turn in all your costumes this week for dry cleaning. It’ll make our finale a more pleasant affair.”

A week later the fresh scented costumes arrived back at the theater and were delivered to the respective dressing rooms.

Moments later the female lead nuzzled up to the Director, stroking his arm sensuously. “We have a problem. I can’t find my costume. My tights are missing.”

“I don’t know who can have them. We’ll just have to look and discover who took them. It should be obvious. She who has your tights is LUST.”

The Christmas tree

Vung Tau                                            A port and R&R city

Holy cow

Run like hell, Di Di Mau

Ruff Puff                                             Local, untrained village militia

Deadly stuff                                                    Everywhere

I’m sure we’ve had enough

Traveling by slicks                             Unarmed helos

Talking over pricks                            AN/PRC series of field radios

Checking each step for punji sticks

Viet Cong

Swan song

It’s the same all day long

Zunis                                                   Aerial rockets

Dai-Uys                                               Officer rank

Buying cool stuff with MPCs                        Military pay certificates, to curb black market

VN bar

R & R                                                   In country or away vacation

Hoofing it to an airfield too far

Rainy season,

Ain’t nature’s treason

Sure ain’t no reason

Ba Xuyen                                            A province in the Mekong Delta

Co Chien                                             A river in the Mekong Delta

Prayers on high that we will win

Binh Thuy                                           US airfield and PBR base

Weapons Free                                                Shoot at anyone, everyone

Pray for Peace and a Christmas tree