Blog Post 142

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 142

A few new structural changes, to help my wandering mind stay focused …

Authors – I recently met Bernard Decre, author of L’Oiseau (in French) while doing research. Bernard’s book,  on the 1927 Cross Atlantic flight of Monsieur’s Nungesser and Coli, is also the subject of his blog    http://loiseaublanc.over-blog.com. A truly fascinating researcher and world traveler, he has a revealing article in Portland Monthly, a magazine in Maine’s largest city – see the link below -    http://www.portlandmonthly.com/portmag/2013/11/man-on-fire/  

Local Authors – CRRL link …. And I hope, at your local library … allows you to recommend titles by local authors. Help your local library, as they don’t have the staff to identify and order books by local authors and musical CDs by local artists.

Process – I performed two humorous stories – The Scout who has the Tates is lost, and it was the first time someone wired a head for a reservation.  The response was very warm, with more than pleasant applause and side comments.

I need to use less narrative or dialogue which implies, or suggests, military weapons use … and be blunt and short in sentence length.

RWG 14 March 2015 critique comments

RWG member –

1.       Better on human interest; could use more – agree, working

2.       Why didn’t you indent instead of double spaces - disagree, author preference

3.       Convert tech talk into more dialogue – agree, working

4.       Expand dialogue to describe feelings about non-selection - agree, working

5.       Explain reasons, or hatred behind non-selection - agree, working

RWG member –

1.       Reads much better than at BAM session - agree, working

2.       Clarify reasons for colored plumes - agree, working

3.       Connect two paragraphs on colored plume analysis - agree, working

4.       Use asterisks to separate paragraphs - agree, working

RWG member –

1.       Nice details, gives depth - Thanks

2.       Tech parts need more clarity for non-technical types - agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Why are bolded items bolded - agree

RWG member –

1.       No written comments

2.       Understandable, can’t wait for next segment – thanks

3.       Well written – needs work

4.       Are the missiles going to be used in an attack on Israel – no comment

5.       Use of colored plumes not clear - agree, working

6.       Split and clarify paragraph on HMMF buildings - agree, working

7.       Clarify what analyst means by no need to investigate - agree, working

As if punishment is not enough in small doses, I revised a second segment for Books A Million critique.

BAM 16 March 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.     Needs a character to ask, clarify technical questions – agree, working

1.       Too little character interaction – agree, working

2.       Explain fuel, additive, afterburner issue – agree, working

3.       Improve natural sound of dialogue – agree, working

4.       Use more tension, drama – agree, working

5.       Explain what “the operator” means – agree, working

6.       Several sections with good writing – agree, working

7.       Explain pilot’s white knuckles – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Incorporate a sense of urgency – agree, working

2.        Simplify paragraphs down to simple sentences – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Introduce tension between characters – agree, working

5.       Explain how the missile will launch – agree, working

6.       Explain “tethering” – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Interesting story, but narrow market – agree, working

2.       Very detailed, many acronyms  – agree, reworking

3.       Dialogue seems forced - agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes - working

5.       Explain tethered missile – agree, coming

6.       Where was cover story leaked – disagree, not relevant

7.       Doesn’t believe C-130s can fly at 50 feet – disagree

8.       Slow moving – agree, working

9.       Include more on characters – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Bring in personal interest  – agree, reworking

2.       Expand on Colonel Khalid non-select to Brigadier - agree, working

3.       Elaborate on the nature of the missiles - agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes - agree, coming

5.       Suggested some wording extraneous – agree

6.       Suggested shorter, dramatic sentences - agree, working

7.       Use shorter sentence tags - agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Lost track of story in dialogue– working

2.       No written suggestions –

3.       Didn’t understand – agree, reworking

BAM member  –

1.       Interesting, but too many technical references, acronyms - agree, working

2.       Suggested adding a “dumb” character to ask questions – agree, working

3.       Spell out QA, IV&V, NSWC, HUMPH – agree on first three; HUMPH used earlier

4.       Minor editorial suggestions – disagree

BAM member  –

1.       Great - thanks

2.       Spell out IV&V, IR, NSWC - agree, working

3.       Describe qanats and IR - disagree

4.       Well written – needs work

5.       Simplify dialogue – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Dialogue to technical  – agree, working

2.       Needs more dialogue, less telling – agree, working

3.       Liked several parts of short, dramatic dialogue – thanks

4.       Eliminate use of many complex terms – agree, working

5.       Give characters personality – agree, reworking

6.       Let reader feel anger, frustration, emotions of characters – agree, reworking

7.       Show us their eyes, feelings – agree, working

8.       Add description of tethered flight – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Reads well - Thanks

2.       Understandable, can’t wait for next segment – thanks

3.       Well written – needs work 

BLOG POST 140

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 140

In recent BAM critique session I handed out business cards, and offered the recipients a free copy of Golden Gate if they sent me an email. I will look anxiously at the interest level.

Local Author in the Lobby at the HQ – results were encouraging. I sold one CD for $5.00. The purchaser became fascinated because a photo I used to attract interest, “Yemeni Men” by my wife showing men carrying AK-47s, intrigued him. He said that if Kalashnikov had invented the weapon in 1940 the war would have ended earlier.

The man also showed interest in my planned detective series set in Spotsylvania/Spotswoode County, VA. The man asked … “Is there any crime in the county? And where do criminals live?” Then he said something about being stopped while driving his girl friends’ car and being ticketed – he holds a CDL and this “caused no end of problems.” He said he thought that electronic background checks would wipe out crime.  I mentioned having already talking with a Spotsylvania County detective. He questioned whether the county had detectives. I said they are Sherriff’s deputies but they function as detectives.

I continued with review and note taking from the transcript of the Ferguson, Missouri Grand Jury investigating the death of an unarmed black at the hands of Police Officer Darren Wilson. The notes will become part of a future detective novel titled Payroll Deductions.

At most recent RWG monthly meeting time went by so fast that even though the critique extended to 17:00 my segment didn’t get critiques. An older member kept interrupting the critique process to inject her interpretations of what she meant, against critique protocol. The next BAM critique session was cancelled due to snow.

Our most recent RWG meeting was home to a fascinating and relevant talk by RWG member and guest speaker Greg Mitchell.  His talk was titled “How to know when your writing sucks, and what to do about it.” He provided a number of suggestions – avoid excessive use of dialect language (I’d say it depends on your audience); avoid use of excessive adverbs (agree); avoid minutiae (depends, I’ve found women hate military acronyms and weaponology, while the guys mostly like it). He recounted having written what he thought was a great novel, but then after a lapse of four weeks re-read it. He said it was trash and began a rewrite. He suggested that first drafts be put away for some month or two, then be reviewed critically. Excise all which doesn’t speak to the central crisis/drama, an escalation of the plot or changes to protagonists; or gives the resolution.  He asked if some parts should be canned; I’ve done this and marked up segments for what I call Relevance checks. Many were discarded, or saved for possible use elsewhere. He suggested finishing the whole first draft before review, but my process includes markups along the way in which I’ve seen elements such as – Lead-ins, Transitions, or Expand efforts need to be incorporated. I’ve typically added these noted in BOLD and Highlighted markups, while highlighting the wording to be redone in another highlighted color, say light gray.

Greg noted that what he termed “purple prose” should be avoided. This is loosely defined as writing which emphasized flowery, academic slanted, or terminology that causes a dictionary lookup.  This style might merely be saying “look at me, I use big words.”  He also suggested reading others, especially those we enjoy. He downplayed authors Tom Clancy and David Baldacci, both of whom I enjoy tremendously and strive to emulate. He also gave a pass to James Patterson – I agree with that.

Another final suggestion was to “not let rules get in the way of (your) story.” I both agree, and disagree. Breaking the mold, the rules, the conventions can be and often are what makes your dialogue and story important. My approach is the basis of why I often DISAGREE with reviewer suggestions. My stories are first and foremost my stories, not that of the reviewers, and I’m not looking for commercial success. I’m achieving that; my style unfortunately doesn’t generate sales.

As a writing technique the critique sessions are invaluable, both the monthly RWG and the weekly Books A Million versions. At the BAM sessions I’ve enjoyed two other authors’ works as they can for critical review.  One is by Dave Miles, written under the pen name D Allen Miles, and has the working title The Other Side of Danger. Set in South Carolina in the days leading up to our Revolutionary War, it is filled with memorable characters and action. Dave has another novel worth reading – Balfour and the Cargo of Innocence , and another novel, The Shadow Pirate.

The second is by Bronwen Chisholm, and she recently published it as an eBook and in hard copy. Her novella is The Ball at Meryton: A Pride and Prejudice Alternative Novella.  I recommend both to you.

BAM 23 February 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Believable outcomes  – agree

2.       Liked contrast of Hegirian and Gregorian dates, progressive glasses  – agree

3.       Liked the statement – Tooley lied.  – Thanks

4.       Liked contrast of praying for more than that and smirk disappearing – thanks

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Enjoyed Fadia’s coy smile and thoughts of fun at dance club - agree

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree Very understandable, able to follow

2.        Confused by changes of POV  – agree, reworking

3.       Confused over ages of Mick and Mamo - agree, reworking

4.       Suggested identify style of Sherlock Holmes cap – Deerstalker

5.       Questioned use of “ole pigskin” by a Muslim – disagree, use was by a Christian, Mick,

1.       as a friendly verbal jab

6.       Flowed well, dialogue realistic and moved along

BAM member –

1.       Thought time references were confusing – partly agree, will rework

2.       Too many insider references – agree, reworking

3.       Shorten blocks of dialogue – will consider

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Questioned use of “the Yemen” – disagree, standard usage

6.       Confused by Fadia’s coy smile and thoughts of fun at dance club – disagree

7.       Disliked use of “machismo” – agree, working

8.       Unsure of where story is going – working

9.       Why are families gathered – to set the stage for action

BAM member –

1.       Dialogue great – thanks

2.       Questioned use of Maroc – disagree; usage in region

3.       Suggested improve transition/lead in – agree, working

4.       Confused by identities of speakers - agree, working

5.       Need to clarify who is present – agree, working

6.       Clarify whether Fadia is going to school, or schools - agree

BAM member –

1.       Very understandable, able to follow 

2.       Good action - Thanks

3.       Missed that Fadia was there with family – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Very good dialogue - thanks

2.       Good interaction between characters – thanks

3.       Minor editorial suggestions – agree

4.       Questioned use of Maroc – disagree; usage in region

5.       Easy to read piece

6.       Unsure of “something different in same direction” - disagree

BAM member –

1.       Good action - Thanks

2.       Very understandable

3.       Enjoyed use of Muslim aside Gregorian calendar – thanks

4.       Suggested removal of a cliché – agree, working

5.       Clarify speaker identities - agree, working

6.       Dialogue and interaction great – thanks

7.       Suggested words having Fadia enter there – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Well written - Thanks

2.       Very understandable

3.       Liked conversation

4.       Uncertain of whether Muslim would talk this way – disagree, personal observation

5.       Got my interest, moving quickly – “You done good.” - thanks

Blog Post 139

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 139

As of 13 January 2015 Kashan Kashmeeri stands at 163 pages, 83K words.

The results of most recent BAM critique session suggests it is time to summarize, if I haven’t done it before, the critique and update process. I gather all verbal and written comments, though some reviewers seem unable or unwilling to put their suggestions, criticisms, or thoughts on paper. One BAM member in this most recent review session provided comments which were so out in left field as to be unworthy of generalization. Meds may be more important than we think.

My update process works like this – I take my notes of the verbal comments as I wrote then hurriedly while reviewers were providing them, plus their written suggestions and mark up the master copy from which I read. Then I go through each reviewer’s markups, identifying them by name if they didn’t do that. I request the reviewers at the top of each segment to identify themselves. Some reviewers have proved to be of greater value in terms of their critiques; others are of less value in a literary sense … providing just what I deem fluff if you will.

I mark up my master as I go through each written set of comments, giving my evaluation in terms of whether the comments are good, to be ignored, included, or just to note to myself with satisfaction their suggestions or observations.

I then go through a separate controlled computer copy of what I read, inserting changes, highlighting where research or more thought is needed. I print off a copy and review it critically, seeing that I’ve accounted for all suggestions. 

I also then take the collection of reviewers’ comments, by name, and make a separate computer copy without attribution. This last becomes the basis of Posts to the Tessera Trilogy Blog.

After these are done I cut and paste the corrected segment back into the master controlled version of the whole novel, adjusting line spacing, font type and size, and inserting any DROP CAPS as definers of separate portions of the book. As I may use all these blogs for a book on writing, control of versions, like in software configuration management, must be strictly observed. Archives preserve the variant versions, comments, and separately the same for the Tessera Trilogy Blog.

BAM 12 January 2015 critique comments

I provided a brief introduction – Tooley and Anh married, a child. All moved to Paris, London, the War Zone.

BAM member  –

1.       Good description of travel – agree

2.       Liked decisiveness of Anh rushing to door – agree

3.       Good writing – Thanks

4.       Correct split infinitive – agree, reworking

5.       Liked use of “ivy grew absent mindedly” - Thanks

BAM member  –

        1.  Liked segment, you’ve committed to emotion – Thanks

        2.  Good travelogue, then ratcheted to fast emotion –

        3.  Confused than Amir, Munirah et al not informed of Marta’s death – agree, reworking

        4.  Time disconnect about Stefano going to Rome - agree, reworking

        5.  Asked why the use of growing tension – disagree

        6.  Minor editorial changes – agree, disagree (use of poor English)

BAM member  –

1.       Sophia seems disconnected with what comes after – reworking

2.       The friends would know of Marta’s death – agree, reworking

3.       Dramatic segment, but different from previous – agree

4.       Needs more introduction to strife of family - disagree

5.       Why did Amir propose a faster travel plan – evolving story

6.       Spell out BP - agree

BAM member  –

1.       Off the wall comment about third person point of narration – disagree

2.       Interesting story and characters – agree

3.       Asked if Amir had four wives, and of wine – No, disagree

BAM member  –

1.       Agreed with others, timing is off – agree, reworking

2.       Liked description of “absent minded ivy”, well done - Thanks

        3.   Liked use of “words too hard to say” – agree

        4.   Minor editorial changes – agree, disagree (use of poor English)

        5.  Good show of emotion when explaining the death - Thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Liked description of kids and counter tops - agree

2.       The “tattered black ribbon” shows time had passed, friends would know of Marta’s death – agree, reworking  

3.       This was some of your best writing - Thanks

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Writing and imagery great – Thanks

6.       I’m confused by time line - agree, reworking

BAM member  –

1.       Mystified by flowers by roadside, did they indicate funeral – no; reworking

2.       Timing is off, 1993, 1994 - agree, reworking

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Thought flowers by road might be from funeral – not, working

5.       Second use of flower imagery beautiful, juxtaposed with imminent danger - Thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Agreed with most of others comments, liked the mystery, hesitation in the phone conversation – agree

2.       The description of Italian highways is accurate, like I remember – Thanks

3.       The “tattered black ribbon” was an Aha moment – agree

4.       After above, timing threw me off (went to Rome for four years) - agree, reworking

5.       Can’t believe Stefano and Sophia wouldn’t tell friends - agree, reworking

6.       Nicely painted picture - Thanks

BAM member  –

1.       No written comments

2.       Wonder when, or why Marta died – car crash, reworking

3.       Wondered why their meeting had to be then – agree, reworking

Blog Post 138

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 138

As of 10 January 2015 Kashan Kashmeeri remains at 160 pages, 80K words. Much work ahead.

A surprising development from the Writers Group - a meeting was been called for a one-time-only critique session for materials of an adult theme. The person posting the call seems an unlikely originator, so I expect it was another RWG member who set the ball rolling.  I attended  and participated in the critique.

Follow-up  Observation – At the Adult theme critique session I was quite surprised by the suggestions, poems and prose segments brought out. While I can’t see the social value of explicit prose I suppose there are writers whose imaginations spur their need to write such material.

It was suggested that the new group put together an anthology of adult themed materials, ranging from humorous mild sexual suggestion to explicit material. The group agreed that bondage perhaps should be excluded. Several absent writers with potential interest (or who used other activities as an excuse for missing the meeting) suggested that perhaps there was wider interest. One of the segments reviewed was very graphic and explicit sexually … surprising from the age of the author, a grandmother. One attendee mentioned having gone (in jest) to Confession before coming. Asked whether I would participate in future reviews, or submit any material I said my work on Kashan Kashmeeri, TNO, research into a detective novel, and family research keep me quite busy enough.

After the session was over I confronted the BAM member who had made what I considered an unprofessional, gratuitous, non-constructive, and condescending cheap shot in review of my last segment. I said I hoped his comments did not signal a turn of BAM reviews to a darker direction. He apologized several times.  It is not easy trying to write, and I expect reviewers to be constructive. I’ll keep that hope. The BAM member apologized again at the RWG meeting. 

RWG 10 January 2015 critique comments

I provided a brief introduction – Tooley and Anh had married, and had a son. All cousins moved to new positions in Paris, London, and the War Zone.

RWG member  –

1.       Realistic and credible dialogue – agree

2.       Thought use of “smirk” was good word choice – agree

3.       Uncomfortable with use of “can’t disclose location”, as a given – working

4.       Thought Anh relearning Vietnamese a nice touch of irony – agree

5.       Enjoyed use of “spice things up” as reality of life - Thanks

RWG member  –

        1.  First part good, blended well with Stefano’s conversation – agree

        2.  Still uncertain where story going – agree

        3.   Better than last segment, better flow – agree

        4.  Suggested Stefano think about safer locations - agree

RWG member  –

1.       “Editor” technique not advancing the story, too esoteric - agree

2.       Some segments had good descriptions, but they don’t hold together - working

RWG member  –

1.       Missed first part of story

2.       Good dialogue and interactions – agree

3.       There is building expectation of disaster, good - agree

RWG member  –

4.       Overall OK, enjoyed – agree

5.       Questioned mention of gun safety course - agree

        3.   Liked use of prayer beads – agree

RWG member  –

1.       Good continuation of story - agree

2.       Suggested changing “smacked” to “punched” – agree

3.       Tension building about what Stefano is about to experience – agree

RWG member  –

1.       Better, more believable – agree

2.       Thought “smirk” was negative term, not between a couple - disagree - smile in an irritatingly smug, conceited, or silly way.

3.       Suggested minor editorial change – agree

4.       Reads well – Thanks

5.       Liked description of discussion of warzone conversation – agree

6.       Liked description of fear of soldiers at front - agree

RWG member  –

1.       Liked dialogue - agree

2.       Thought “warmth of their passion” was corny – disagree

3.       Story rang true, want to read - Thanks

RWG member  –

1.       Enjoyed – agree

2.       Thought “smirk” was negative – disagree

3.       Intrigued by Stefano – Thanks

4.       Thought there was disconnect between Tooley and Anh about talk of war – disagree

5.       Thought use of knowing sunrise was a good metaphor - Thanks

RWG member  –

1.       Didn’t like use of smirk, thought meant one was in doghouse – disagree

2.       Had problem with use of phone to war zone, about time zones, whether cell phones existed – disagree, two hour time zone change applied, cell phones did exist.

3.       Suggested incorporating Anh’s response to Tooley’s phone suggestion – agree

4.       Liked the dialogue, questioned the secrecy of Stefano’s location - agree

RWG member  –

1.       Suggested using grin vice smirk – disagree

2.       Concerned with time zone impact on phoncon - disagree

RWG member  –

1.       Enjoyed dialogue – agree

2.       Liked more show than tell with characters – agree

3.       Thought use of “warmth of their passion” was corny - disagree

4.       Liked insight about not wanting more children after Bai – agree

5.       Liked character insight on Stefano - agree

RWG member  –

1.       Enjoyed smirk, hang on to it - agree

2.       Minor editorial change – agree

3.       Enjoyed banter and dialogue – agree

Before the RWG meeting there was a brief discussion of the adult theme meeting and its outcome.  I shared a brief summary of its major points. I said before the RWG meeting that if our minds didn’t fantasize at some points we wouldn’t be here.

I feel there is questionable social or writer value to having or participating in an adult themed writers group, email forum, or anthology. At the RWG meeting one member sarcastically mentioned going to Confession both before and after the meeting. I interpret that as suggesting minimal support, and attendance as mere curiosity.

Coming up in a future RWG meeting, guest speaker (and RWG member) Greg Mitchell will talk on “How to know when your writing sucks … and what to do about it.” Sounds like required attendance. 

Blog Post 137

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 137

As of 31 December 2014 Kashan Kashmeeri remains at 160 pages, 80K words. Much work ahead.

To expand reader base I’ve been giving away CDs with the first two novels on them, and giving out business cards with the promise of sending e-mailers the first novel as a PDF file.  Two have responded and I’ve sent them a free copy of Golden Gate.

A surprising development from the Writers Group - a meeting has been called for a one-time-only critique session for materials of an adult theme. The person posting the call seems an unlikely originator, so I expect it was another RWG member who set the ball rolling.  I plan to attend and perhaps even bring material to be critiqued. Mine, if I bring one, will be a mild effort, and bears explanation. Decades ago I watched the movie “Tom Jones”, which has several risqué segments. The narrator interrupted the narration at several points and offered a PG explanation for skipping the scenes. In my segment, as the characters begin lovemaking the editor and publisher break into the narration, excuse the less than PG nature of the action; yet describe it in more or less direct terms. It was an artistic technique I just put in the segment I’m working on. It will be interesting to see what kinds of comments I receive; see those comments below.

BAM 03 January 2015 critique comments

BAM reviewer –

1.                  1.   Really good writing in past couple of weeks, but not this time – agree

2.                  2.    Framework of separated couples good, needs work – agree

3.                  3.   Was curious of use of “my private war” – disagree

4.                  4.   Questioned use of “gypsy” – disagree, part of Paris’ unsavory charm

5.                  5.   Questioned use of “story board” – agree (based only on reception) – disagree as a writer and                      personal choice of style

6.                  6.   Use of my story board as a technique – “almost makes me gag” – disagree

BAM reviewer –

        1.  Liked first part, with the tension of male characters discussing dangers – agree

        2.  The second part derailed, but concern for Anh’s safety can lead onward - agree

        3.   Minor editorial changes – agree

        4.   Perhaps use “story” as a technique to calm his fears for her safety – agree

        5.   Suggested dropping “editor” technique - agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                       1.   “Editor” technique not advancing the story, too esoteric - agree

2.                       2.     Some segments had good descriptions, but they don’t hold together - working

BAM reviewer –

        1. Lost since characters left KOSA – sorry, it’s an evolving story

BAM reviewer –

1.                    1.  Overall OK, enjoyed – agree

2.                    2.  Questioned mention of gun safety course - agree

        3.   Liked use of prayer beads – agree

        4.   Correct overuse of “lack of sleep” and dreaming of visitors – agree

        5.   Minor editorial changes – agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                    1.  Conversations too forced for a real couple – working

2.                    2.   Suggested minor editorial changes – agree

3.                    3.  Make the intimate scenes grab the reader – working

BAM reviewer –

1.                    1.   Suggested correcting saying can’t go across Channel, then saying planning to – disagree,                         change of direction 

2.                    2.    Storyboard technique not useful - agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                   1.    Asked if storyboard technique was a tool to reduce her fears about assailant – No, but good                       idea

2.                   2.    Remove editor technique - agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                   1.     Liked banter between couple– agree

2.                   2.     Improve transition between phone conversation and walking home - agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                   1.     Suggested improving intimate scenes - agree

2.                   2.    Questioned use of editor technique - agree

        3.   Liked use of prayer beads – agree

General Observation – I had attempted in the segment reviewed to use a different, even radical technique to impose an outside narrator (The Editor, censor staff segments) to remove the reader from the characters’ intimate interaction and observe those scenes from a different, outside point of view. This was accompanied by the technique of having the characters discuss a storyboard of the assault on Ahn as she walked their baby in the park. The reaction was almost totally negative to the outside observers, though two BAM reviewers suggested how to change the storyboard approach.

One reviewer offered an observation in an unprofessional, gratuitous, non-constructive, and condescending way. The unworthy comment made me wonder if BAM critique sessions are taking on a dark, personal direction.

BLOG POST 136

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 136

I expect that very few, or none, of you will read this blog post, so I can say pretty much what I want to. Most of my time of late has not been consumed with writing, but with the everyday distractions of life.

Writers Group meeting - At the 13 December writers group gathering there was plenty of food, non-alcoholic drinks, and cookies, cakes and pies. Music set the mood, several songs song by musician members, and a group sing-a-long was enjoyed. Readings also were part of the event and I read a parody of Twas the night before Christmas. Fun was had by all – and there were no calories.

Root for the Home Team! Prospective successes were suggested based on scheduled “Local Author in the Lobby” events scheduled at two successive branch libraries on 03 January and 18 January 2015. I hope to sell CDs with my first two novels on them.  I continue to campaign with local writer groups and authors about the lack of local author support by our local library system. While the library spends $10,000.00 a year on eBooks, only one of its 73,000 eBooks is by a local author. For those eBook authors in our neck of the woods that is a damning fact that disproves local library support of local eBook authors. 

UMW Alumni gathering - I went to a University of Mary Washington event in Fredericksburg, VA – to network. Among the evening’s events was a wrapped goofy gift exchange. I brought a CD with my first novels on it, double wrapped. A wonderful woman thanked me several times when all was over and I described to her the contents of her present – my novels. Her photo is on my Facebook page.

Future detective series - As part of research into a future detective based series I’ve begun reading the grand jury transcripts from the Ferguson Missouri death of an unarmed black by a white officer. I’m looking at the procedures involved and the effort is proving very instructive. Stay tuned for Payroll Deductions – in about 2019.

 “Don’t you ever forget how you made this stuff (Mac and cheese).” Nancy P. Gerhard-Rowe, my wife, said this in December 2014 as a compliment to my cooking skills.

Major distraction - One of the big distractions to my writing bears sharing. Researchers occasionally come across a story which is so compelling, so gripping and real that it overshadows and captures the moment. One such story came to light recently, one that shattered the image of a person of some family stature. The facts in that story, in those documents, shined a spotlight on the clay feet of that individual.

Those documents uncovered a true story that was breathtaking, surreal. Things were not what they appeared. There had been a hint to this real truth. The documents in question had been legally kept from view by some mysterious unnamed person.  One could surmise from reading the designation of ‘confidential’ that there something was amiss, that if the story of those documents became public there would be some consequence. The fact that those documents were, upon request for them, officially termed “confidential” and therefore “cannot be disclosed” sat for almost twenty years amongst the cobwebs of my mind.

Recently those documents were requested again, and after spending a small amount for stamps, envelopes, and a $5.00 copying fee, they came through the mail. I felt blessed, but shocked by what those documents revealed. They were the perfect basis for a prize winning novel. The documents dripped with drama, deceit, love, rejection, fear, hatred, and compassion, a struggle for money, image, and control. There was a “bad woman,” “women of ill repute,” and a home wrecker who was put “in trouble.” The facts addressed an inheritance stolen, and a crippled woman defrauded of a huge sum of money. The story included a mother beaten in front of her children and threatened with death.  There were lawyers and orders to show cause, hearings and witness statements, all in a tone and in an age before women could even vote – and the wife filed for the divorce.

The story was perfect with non-fiction as the genre, but its elements, characters, and setting were the stuff of fiction. It has been said that truth is stranger than fiction. This was the case. The outcome was not what one could envision in terms of a story told on the Hallmark Channel. There was not the redemption of a Scrooge character, nor any expectation of warm background music. This was a dark story, rending a family asunder. A family with four children was traumatized. One of the children testified as a witness in these WWI years, in a rural small town in an eastern American state.

I felt I had to share the story, or parts of it. I had to decide who to tell, and who not to tell. I decided some few should be told; others who had too much invested in the status quo I decided could not be told. There might yet remain some living individuals who had been involved in getting those documents designated “confidential” and “cannot be disclosed.”

Yet the documents were factual, facts in a legal sense. There were also very messy, out of character for the times they occurred in, and could be considered controversial and inflammatory by those who had heard quite a different story. Yet here were facts, the legalistic summary of a family torn asunder.

I’ll have to spend time analyzing these facts, trying to discover or guess what other unnamed witnesses were called, what they said based on what they saw or heard. Perhaps it is the stuff of another book, or several. And the question they raised remains – Does the apple fall far from the tree?

As of 09 December 2014 Kashan Kashmeeri stands at 160 pages, 80K words. Much work ahead.

Blog post 135

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 135

BAM 08 December 2014 critique comments

BAM critique member  –

1.       OK, realistic conversations – agree

2.       Still does not like that Anh does not show an accent – disagree, my characters, story

3.       Uncertain about Amir “soon he’ll be a handful” - disagree, Amir and Munirah have daughter

4.       Liked paragraph describing troubles with new baby – agree

5.       Said ‘nice paragraph, but then noted – “yawn” – conflicted notes???

BAM critique member  –

        1.  Good, but where is the plot – disagree, James Michener took hundreds of pages to set scene

        2.  Minor editorial changes – agree

        3. Asked if the (characters) were using ‘yackety yack’ – disagree, others enjoyed.

        4.  Suggested identifying who was speaking at page three – agree

        5.  Suggested identifying example of prior bad flight experience – agree, working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Confused as to whether novel is action novel or domestic bliss expose – disagree, will evolve

2.       Wants to read, hear of what sorts of things Saud princes did to get in trouble – agree, working

3.       Thought some of dialogue was “too inside the beltway” – disagree

4.       Waiting for action – agree, working

BAM critique member  –

        1. Characters too abstract – working

        2.  Reveal, describe characters more quickly – working

        3.  Minor editorial suggestions – agree and disagree

        4.  Clarify use of “coastal” air near airport – agree

        5.  Clarify use of OUTUS – agree

BAM critique member  –

1.       Suggested change reference to “people are starving in Chine’ – disagree, refers to previous

Childhood comment from Tooley’s Daa (father)

        2.  Minor editorial changes – agree

        3.  Suggested spell out USEMB as embassy – agree

        4.  Suggested improve “dirty diaper pail” analogy – agree, working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Loved use of ‘baboo’ – agree

3.       Thought use of ‘yackety yack’ was cute – agree

4.       Suggested identifying speakers on page two - agree

BAM critique member  –

1.       Asked about previous bad flight experience – agree, working

2.       Liked conversations, but asked if they moved the story along – disagree

3.       Suggested changing “up” to “in the upright position”– disagree; comparable to yada yada

4.       Asked where the story is going – stay tuned

5.       Liked last paragraph, except first sentence (“dirty diaper pail” analogy) agree, working

6.       Suggested describing previous bad aircraft experience – agree, working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Questioned ‘coastal’ air mass at altitude – agree

3.       Questioned use of ‘tour’ to describe assignment – disagree; former USN and now CIA

Author James Michener wrote many novels. Among them were Hawaii, Chesapeake, Poland, and others with lengthy narrative parts leading to the action portions. His love of narrative led not to dumb stories, the parts were actually the underlying interconnected stories of love and life. We only need to see and feel the pieces to enjoy.  This encapsulates my feelings about balancing narrative with dialogue, storytelling with character led action dialogue. Since I am not in this writing novel business to make money I can write as I see fits the need, as every author worthy of self respect has done.