BLOG POST 140

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 140

In recent BAM critique session I handed out business cards, and offered the recipients a free copy of Golden Gate if they sent me an email. I will look anxiously at the interest level.

Local Author in the Lobby at the HQ – results were encouraging. I sold one CD for $5.00. The purchaser became fascinated because a photo I used to attract interest, “Yemeni Men” by my wife showing men carrying AK-47s, intrigued him. He said that if Kalashnikov had invented the weapon in 1940 the war would have ended earlier.

The man also showed interest in my planned detective series set in Spotsylvania/Spotswoode County, VA. The man asked … “Is there any crime in the county? And where do criminals live?” Then he said something about being stopped while driving his girl friends’ car and being ticketed – he holds a CDL and this “caused no end of problems.” He said he thought that electronic background checks would wipe out crime.  I mentioned having already talking with a Spotsylvania County detective. He questioned whether the county had detectives. I said they are Sherriff’s deputies but they function as detectives.

I continued with review and note taking from the transcript of the Ferguson, Missouri Grand Jury investigating the death of an unarmed black at the hands of Police Officer Darren Wilson. The notes will become part of a future detective novel titled Payroll Deductions.

At most recent RWG monthly meeting time went by so fast that even though the critique extended to 17:00 my segment didn’t get critiques. An older member kept interrupting the critique process to inject her interpretations of what she meant, against critique protocol. The next BAM critique session was cancelled due to snow.

Our most recent RWG meeting was home to a fascinating and relevant talk by RWG member and guest speaker Greg Mitchell.  His talk was titled “How to know when your writing sucks, and what to do about it.” He provided a number of suggestions – avoid excessive use of dialect language (I’d say it depends on your audience); avoid use of excessive adverbs (agree); avoid minutiae (depends, I’ve found women hate military acronyms and weaponology, while the guys mostly like it). He recounted having written what he thought was a great novel, but then after a lapse of four weeks re-read it. He said it was trash and began a rewrite. He suggested that first drafts be put away for some month or two, then be reviewed critically. Excise all which doesn’t speak to the central crisis/drama, an escalation of the plot or changes to protagonists; or gives the resolution.  He asked if some parts should be canned; I’ve done this and marked up segments for what I call Relevance checks. Many were discarded, or saved for possible use elsewhere. He suggested finishing the whole first draft before review, but my process includes markups along the way in which I’ve seen elements such as – Lead-ins, Transitions, or Expand efforts need to be incorporated. I’ve typically added these noted in BOLD and Highlighted markups, while highlighting the wording to be redone in another highlighted color, say light gray.

Greg noted that what he termed “purple prose” should be avoided. This is loosely defined as writing which emphasized flowery, academic slanted, or terminology that causes a dictionary lookup.  This style might merely be saying “look at me, I use big words.”  He also suggested reading others, especially those we enjoy. He downplayed authors Tom Clancy and David Baldacci, both of whom I enjoy tremendously and strive to emulate. He also gave a pass to James Patterson – I agree with that.

Another final suggestion was to “not let rules get in the way of (your) story.” I both agree, and disagree. Breaking the mold, the rules, the conventions can be and often are what makes your dialogue and story important. My approach is the basis of why I often DISAGREE with reviewer suggestions. My stories are first and foremost my stories, not that of the reviewers, and I’m not looking for commercial success. I’m achieving that; my style unfortunately doesn’t generate sales.

As a writing technique the critique sessions are invaluable, both the monthly RWG and the weekly Books A Million versions. At the BAM sessions I’ve enjoyed two other authors’ works as they can for critical review.  One is by Dave Miles, written under the pen name D Allen Miles, and has the working title The Other Side of Danger. Set in South Carolina in the days leading up to our Revolutionary War, it is filled with memorable characters and action. Dave has another novel worth reading – Balfour and the Cargo of Innocence , and another novel, The Shadow Pirate.

The second is by Bronwen Chisholm, and she recently published it as an eBook and in hard copy. Her novella is The Ball at Meryton: A Pride and Prejudice Alternative Novella.  I recommend both to you.

BAM 23 February 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Believable outcomes  – agree

2.       Liked contrast of Hegirian and Gregorian dates, progressive glasses  – agree

3.       Liked the statement – Tooley lied.  – Thanks

4.       Liked contrast of praying for more than that and smirk disappearing – thanks

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Enjoyed Fadia’s coy smile and thoughts of fun at dance club - agree

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree Very understandable, able to follow

2.        Confused by changes of POV  – agree, reworking

3.       Confused over ages of Mick and Mamo - agree, reworking

4.       Suggested identify style of Sherlock Holmes cap – Deerstalker

5.       Questioned use of “ole pigskin” by a Muslim – disagree, use was by a Christian, Mick,

1.       as a friendly verbal jab

6.       Flowed well, dialogue realistic and moved along

BAM member –

1.       Thought time references were confusing – partly agree, will rework

2.       Too many insider references – agree, reworking

3.       Shorten blocks of dialogue – will consider

4.       Minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Questioned use of “the Yemen” – disagree, standard usage

6.       Confused by Fadia’s coy smile and thoughts of fun at dance club – disagree

7.       Disliked use of “machismo” – agree, working

8.       Unsure of where story is going – working

9.       Why are families gathered – to set the stage for action

BAM member –

1.       Dialogue great – thanks

2.       Questioned use of Maroc – disagree; usage in region

3.       Suggested improve transition/lead in – agree, working

4.       Confused by identities of speakers - agree, working

5.       Need to clarify who is present – agree, working

6.       Clarify whether Fadia is going to school, or schools - agree

BAM member –

1.       Very understandable, able to follow 

2.       Good action - Thanks

3.       Missed that Fadia was there with family – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Very good dialogue - thanks

2.       Good interaction between characters – thanks

3.       Minor editorial suggestions – agree

4.       Questioned use of Maroc – disagree; usage in region

5.       Easy to read piece

6.       Unsure of “something different in same direction” - disagree

BAM member –

1.       Good action - Thanks

2.       Very understandable

3.       Enjoyed use of Muslim aside Gregorian calendar – thanks

4.       Suggested removal of a cliché – agree, working

5.       Clarify speaker identities - agree, working

6.       Dialogue and interaction great – thanks

7.       Suggested words having Fadia enter there – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Well written - Thanks

2.       Very understandable

3.       Liked conversation

4.       Uncertain of whether Muslim would talk this way – disagree, personal observation

5.       Got my interest, moving quickly – “You done good.” - thanks