Blog Post 142

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 142

A few new structural changes, to help my wandering mind stay focused …

Authors – I recently met Bernard Decre, author of L’Oiseau (in French) while doing research. Bernard’s book,  on the 1927 Cross Atlantic flight of Monsieur’s Nungesser and Coli, is also the subject of his blog    http://loiseaublanc.over-blog.com. A truly fascinating researcher and world traveler, he has a revealing article in Portland Monthly, a magazine in Maine’s largest city – see the link below -    http://www.portlandmonthly.com/portmag/2013/11/man-on-fire/  

Local Authors – CRRL link …. And I hope, at your local library … allows you to recommend titles by local authors. Help your local library, as they don’t have the staff to identify and order books by local authors and musical CDs by local artists.

Process – I performed two humorous stories – The Scout who has the Tates is lost, and it was the first time someone wired a head for a reservation.  The response was very warm, with more than pleasant applause and side comments.

I need to use less narrative or dialogue which implies, or suggests, military weapons use … and be blunt and short in sentence length.

RWG 14 March 2015 critique comments

RWG member –

1.       Better on human interest; could use more – agree, working

2.       Why didn’t you indent instead of double spaces - disagree, author preference

3.       Convert tech talk into more dialogue – agree, working

4.       Expand dialogue to describe feelings about non-selection - agree, working

5.       Explain reasons, or hatred behind non-selection - agree, working

RWG member –

1.       Reads much better than at BAM session - agree, working

2.       Clarify reasons for colored plumes - agree, working

3.       Connect two paragraphs on colored plume analysis - agree, working

4.       Use asterisks to separate paragraphs - agree, working

RWG member –

1.       Nice details, gives depth - Thanks

2.       Tech parts need more clarity for non-technical types - agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Why are bolded items bolded - agree

RWG member –

1.       No written comments

2.       Understandable, can’t wait for next segment – thanks

3.       Well written – needs work

4.       Are the missiles going to be used in an attack on Israel – no comment

5.       Use of colored plumes not clear - agree, working

6.       Split and clarify paragraph on HMMF buildings - agree, working

7.       Clarify what analyst means by no need to investigate - agree, working

As if punishment is not enough in small doses, I revised a second segment for Books A Million critique.

BAM 16 March 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.     Needs a character to ask, clarify technical questions – agree, working

1.       Too little character interaction – agree, working

2.       Explain fuel, additive, afterburner issue – agree, working

3.       Improve natural sound of dialogue – agree, working

4.       Use more tension, drama – agree, working

5.       Explain what “the operator” means – agree, working

6.       Several sections with good writing – agree, working

7.       Explain pilot’s white knuckles – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Incorporate a sense of urgency – agree, working

2.        Simplify paragraphs down to simple sentences – agree, working

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Introduce tension between characters – agree, working

5.       Explain how the missile will launch – agree, working

6.       Explain “tethering” – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Interesting story, but narrow market – agree, working

2.       Very detailed, many acronyms  – agree, reworking

3.       Dialogue seems forced - agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes - working

5.       Explain tethered missile – agree, coming

6.       Where was cover story leaked – disagree, not relevant

7.       Doesn’t believe C-130s can fly at 50 feet – disagree

8.       Slow moving – agree, working

9.       Include more on characters – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Bring in personal interest  – agree, reworking

2.       Expand on Colonel Khalid non-select to Brigadier - agree, working

3.       Elaborate on the nature of the missiles - agree, working

4.       Minor editorial changes - agree, coming

5.       Suggested some wording extraneous – agree

6.       Suggested shorter, dramatic sentences - agree, working

7.       Use shorter sentence tags - agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Lost track of story in dialogue– working

2.       No written suggestions –

3.       Didn’t understand – agree, reworking

BAM member  –

1.       Interesting, but too many technical references, acronyms - agree, working

2.       Suggested adding a “dumb” character to ask questions – agree, working

3.       Spell out QA, IV&V, NSWC, HUMPH – agree on first three; HUMPH used earlier

4.       Minor editorial suggestions – disagree

BAM member  –

1.       Great - thanks

2.       Spell out IV&V, IR, NSWC - agree, working

3.       Describe qanats and IR - disagree

4.       Well written – needs work

5.       Simplify dialogue – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Dialogue to technical  – agree, working

2.       Needs more dialogue, less telling – agree, working

3.       Liked several parts of short, dramatic dialogue – thanks

4.       Eliminate use of many complex terms – agree, working

5.       Give characters personality – agree, reworking

6.       Let reader feel anger, frustration, emotions of characters – agree, reworking

7.       Show us their eyes, feelings – agree, working

8.       Add description of tethered flight – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Reads well - Thanks

2.       Understandable, can’t wait for next segment – thanks

3.       Well written – needs work