Blog Post 137

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 137

As of 31 December 2014 Kashan Kashmeeri remains at 160 pages, 80K words. Much work ahead.

To expand reader base I’ve been giving away CDs with the first two novels on them, and giving out business cards with the promise of sending e-mailers the first novel as a PDF file.  Two have responded and I’ve sent them a free copy of Golden Gate.

A surprising development from the Writers Group - a meeting has been called for a one-time-only critique session for materials of an adult theme. The person posting the call seems an unlikely originator, so I expect it was another RWG member who set the ball rolling.  I plan to attend and perhaps even bring material to be critiqued. Mine, if I bring one, will be a mild effort, and bears explanation. Decades ago I watched the movie “Tom Jones”, which has several risqué segments. The narrator interrupted the narration at several points and offered a PG explanation for skipping the scenes. In my segment, as the characters begin lovemaking the editor and publisher break into the narration, excuse the less than PG nature of the action; yet describe it in more or less direct terms. It was an artistic technique I just put in the segment I’m working on. It will be interesting to see what kinds of comments I receive; see those comments below.

BAM 03 January 2015 critique comments

BAM reviewer –

1.                  1.   Really good writing in past couple of weeks, but not this time – agree

2.                  2.    Framework of separated couples good, needs work – agree

3.                  3.   Was curious of use of “my private war” – disagree

4.                  4.   Questioned use of “gypsy” – disagree, part of Paris’ unsavory charm

5.                  5.   Questioned use of “story board” – agree (based only on reception) – disagree as a writer and                      personal choice of style

6.                  6.   Use of my story board as a technique – “almost makes me gag” – disagree

BAM reviewer –

        1.  Liked first part, with the tension of male characters discussing dangers – agree

        2.  The second part derailed, but concern for Anh’s safety can lead onward - agree

        3.   Minor editorial changes – agree

        4.   Perhaps use “story” as a technique to calm his fears for her safety – agree

        5.   Suggested dropping “editor” technique - agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                       1.   “Editor” technique not advancing the story, too esoteric - agree

2.                       2.     Some segments had good descriptions, but they don’t hold together - working

BAM reviewer –

        1. Lost since characters left KOSA – sorry, it’s an evolving story

BAM reviewer –

1.                    1.  Overall OK, enjoyed – agree

2.                    2.  Questioned mention of gun safety course - agree

        3.   Liked use of prayer beads – agree

        4.   Correct overuse of “lack of sleep” and dreaming of visitors – agree

        5.   Minor editorial changes – agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                    1.  Conversations too forced for a real couple – working

2.                    2.   Suggested minor editorial changes – agree

3.                    3.  Make the intimate scenes grab the reader – working

BAM reviewer –

1.                    1.   Suggested correcting saying can’t go across Channel, then saying planning to – disagree,                         change of direction 

2.                    2.    Storyboard technique not useful - agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                   1.    Asked if storyboard technique was a tool to reduce her fears about assailant – No, but good                       idea

2.                   2.    Remove editor technique - agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                   1.     Liked banter between couple– agree

2.                   2.     Improve transition between phone conversation and walking home - agree

BAM reviewer –

1.                   1.     Suggested improving intimate scenes - agree

2.                   2.    Questioned use of editor technique - agree

        3.   Liked use of prayer beads – agree

General Observation – I had attempted in the segment reviewed to use a different, even radical technique to impose an outside narrator (The Editor, censor staff segments) to remove the reader from the characters’ intimate interaction and observe those scenes from a different, outside point of view. This was accompanied by the technique of having the characters discuss a storyboard of the assault on Ahn as she walked their baby in the park. The reaction was almost totally negative to the outside observers, though two BAM reviewers suggested how to change the storyboard approach.

One reviewer offered an observation in an unprofessional, gratuitous, non-constructive, and condescending way. The unworthy comment made me wonder if BAM critique sessions are taking on a dark, personal direction.