Blog post 135

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 135

BAM 08 December 2014 critique comments

BAM critique member  –

1.       OK, realistic conversations – agree

2.       Still does not like that Anh does not show an accent – disagree, my characters, story

3.       Uncertain about Amir “soon he’ll be a handful” - disagree, Amir and Munirah have daughter

4.       Liked paragraph describing troubles with new baby – agree

5.       Said ‘nice paragraph, but then noted – “yawn” – conflicted notes???

BAM critique member  –

        1.  Good, but where is the plot – disagree, James Michener took hundreds of pages to set scene

        2.  Minor editorial changes – agree

        3. Asked if the (characters) were using ‘yackety yack’ – disagree, others enjoyed.

        4.  Suggested identifying who was speaking at page three – agree

        5.  Suggested identifying example of prior bad flight experience – agree, working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Confused as to whether novel is action novel or domestic bliss expose – disagree, will evolve

2.       Wants to read, hear of what sorts of things Saud princes did to get in trouble – agree, working

3.       Thought some of dialogue was “too inside the beltway” – disagree

4.       Waiting for action – agree, working

BAM critique member  –

        1. Characters too abstract – working

        2.  Reveal, describe characters more quickly – working

        3.  Minor editorial suggestions – agree and disagree

        4.  Clarify use of “coastal” air near airport – agree

        5.  Clarify use of OUTUS – agree

BAM critique member  –

1.       Suggested change reference to “people are starving in Chine’ – disagree, refers to previous

Childhood comment from Tooley’s Daa (father)

        2.  Minor editorial changes – agree

        3.  Suggested spell out USEMB as embassy – agree

        4.  Suggested improve “dirty diaper pail” analogy – agree, working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Loved use of ‘baboo’ – agree

3.       Thought use of ‘yackety yack’ was cute – agree

4.       Suggested identifying speakers on page two - agree

BAM critique member  –

1.       Asked about previous bad flight experience – agree, working

2.       Liked conversations, but asked if they moved the story along – disagree

3.       Suggested changing “up” to “in the upright position”– disagree; comparable to yada yada

4.       Asked where the story is going – stay tuned

5.       Liked last paragraph, except first sentence (“dirty diaper pail” analogy) agree, working

6.       Suggested describing previous bad aircraft experience – agree, working

BAM critique member  –

1.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Questioned ‘coastal’ air mass at altitude – agree

3.       Questioned use of ‘tour’ to describe assignment – disagree; former USN and now CIA

Author James Michener wrote many novels. Among them were Hawaii, Chesapeake, Poland, and others with lengthy narrative parts leading to the action portions. His love of narrative led not to dumb stories, the parts were actually the underlying interconnected stories of love and life. We only need to see and feel the pieces to enjoy.  This encapsulates my feelings about balancing narrative with dialogue, storytelling with character led action dialogue. Since I am not in this writing novel business to make money I can write as I see fits the need, as every author worthy of self respect has done.