BLOG POST 207

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 207

BAM 12 Dec 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Many POV shifts – agree, working to improve

3.      Speaker not identified at several points – disagree, identity shown

4.      Change use of “retarded” to better words – agree, working

5.      Insert better description of Bai’s reaction to George’s profession of love – agree

6.      Some couples do jump in bed on third date, but seems fast for an awkward character like George – agree, working

7.      Relationship seemed to develop too fast - agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Description of Baked Alaska nicely written – thanks

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree with most, working

3.      Passion and plans for sex developed too fast, unrealistically – agree, working

4.      No one, other than celebrities use the term “so awesome” – agree, working

5.      Calling a girlfriend/boyfriend a “puppy” is insulting – disagree

6.      “Being in love with” another character brought up too fast - agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Eliminate “head hopping” / POV shifts – agree, working

2.      George’s use of “secret agent shit” seems unrealistic for his character – agree, working

3.      Clarify how Bai can speak as they kiss – agree, working

4.      Character relationship develops awfully fast – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Romance seemed to build fast, possible with some couples

2.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Think romance can go fast, or slow

2.      No written comments

New BAM member –

1.       No verbal or written comments

The review of The Next One is now moved beyond 37 pages.

The process – Recently completed reading Michael Herr’s “Dispatches.” The book is about a journalists’ personal insights into the war in Vietnam. Immersed in the war, Herr offers conveys, in a rambling stream of consciousness narrative, bits and pieces, places and faces of the war, yet offers no central characters. His words vividly captures the feelings of grunts, squids, and others as the horrors of war emerge. For those of you who are into war stories I recommend it.

RWG monthly meeting/Christmas gathering - Book swaps were a prime part of my day, as I exchanged copies of Kashan Kashmeeri with fellow RWG authors for the following:

            S. Kelly Chambers – Damn the Nanny

            Greg C. Miller – Princess Rachel Adventures, Book 1

            Willey Brown – United States Colored Troop

Highlights of the RWG meeting … There was warm, wonderful music and vocal performances by Shelia Chambers and Malana Henderson. Accompanying the whole thing were delightfully fat free snacks and desserts from fellow RWG members. I made homemade mango chutney and made a cream cheese dip to be enjoyed with crackers. Fun!

Navy lost a thriller to Army 21-17.

I read a short poem and a segment from Tales from a former Mother-in-Law. See below -

Serenade to Nature – Truth dressed in a white, unbleached cotton costume. Wisdom was in white satin with purple bows. Nature chose browns and spring green. Lust dressed in tight, body hugging flaming red and pink elastic. Others of the town’s cast dressed outlandishly, or conservatively, as the individual actors/actresses personally wished. It was really a very personal performance each time, a true Serenade to Nature.

Weekly practices went by and monthly performances stretched for months, in preparation for the coming Christmas finale in the village theater.

The Director took a whiff, then wafted away the accumulated scents of weeks of practice and performances. He knew it was time. “Ladies, Gentlemen. Turn in all your costumes this week for dry cleaning. It’ll make our finale a more pleasant affair.”

A week later the fresh scented costumes arrived back at the theater and were delivered to the respective dressing rooms.

Moments later the female lead nuzzled up to the Director, stroking his arm sensuously. “We have a problem. I can’t find my costume. My tights are missing.”

“I don’t know who can have them. We’ll just have to look and discover who took them. It should be obvious. She who has your tights is LUST.”

The Christmas tree

Vung Tau                                            A port and R&R city

Holy cow

Run like hell, Di Di Mau

Ruff Puff                                             Local, untrained village militia

Deadly stuff                                                    Everywhere

I’m sure we’ve had enough

Traveling by slicks                             Unarmed helos

Talking over pricks                            AN/PRC series of field radios

Checking each step for punji sticks

Viet Cong

Swan song

It’s the same all day long

Zunis                                                   Aerial rockets

Dai-Uys                                               Officer rank

Buying cool stuff with MPCs                        Military pay certificates, to curb black market

VN bar

R & R                                                   In country or away vacation

Hoofing it to an airfield too far

Rainy season,

Ain’t nature’s treason

Sure ain’t no reason

Ba Xuyen                                            A province in the Mekong Delta

Co Chien                                             A river in the Mekong Delta

Prayers on high that we will win

Binh Thuy                                           US airfield and PBR base

Weapons Free                                                Shoot at anyone, everyone

Pray for Peace and a Christmas tree

BLOG POST 205

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 205

BAM 21 Nov 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      POV usage improved – thanks

3.      One of better additions – thanks

4.      Reduce use of “Chica” – agree, working

5.      Shorten description of the “kiss” – agree, working

6.      Expand the break in phone conversation, show Bai’s reaction – agree, working

7.      Segment moved well, very good - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Not aware of previous sections – are the women in college – yes

2.      Dialogue realistic, liked it - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Usage of POVs has improved – thanks

2.      Take advantage of expanded POV descriptions – agree, working

3.      Reduce use of “shook her head” – agree, working

4.      Shrink description of Mamo – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Flowed smoothly – thanks

2.      Reduce use of “he” – agree, working

3.      Conversation/dialogue modern and realistic – thanks

4.      Cool imagery – thanks

5.      Very few critiques - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Dialogue better, easier to follow - thanks

2.       No written comments

3.      Very good - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Numerous editorial comments – thanks, incorporated

I participated in two local author events recently, at local libraries. Coupled with the second of these was receipt of printed copies of Kashan Kashmeeri. I now have copies to sell person to person at the upcoming Riverside Writers Group Christmas gathering, and at any events I attend.

A full twenty four pages of the upcoming sequel to the Tessera Trilogy – The Next One, have been reviewed. Many, many more to go, but the process is in motion. The Next One is set in 2012 California, and its main characters are the next generation of characters from the trilogy novels. 

BLOG POST 204

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 204

Great News!!! Kashan Kashmeeri, the final novel of the Tessera Trilogy, is available for readers.

Kashan Kashmeeri unfolds in a region of ancient wounds, struggles within and between families, amidst the spices, scents, and intrigue of Arabia.  For readers of military- geopolitical struggles in a turbulent world, the novel thrills with the tension that is the Middle East today. 

For readers of military- geopolitical struggles in a turbulent world, the novel is filled with excitement, tension, lovers embracing, missiles and bullets, and tanks. Against the backdrop only someone who lived there can depict with such insight, it will immerse you in the tension that is the Middle East today.

Iran and Iraq seem poised for another war, and military and political changes force the region, and the world, to the brink. It is a story that had to be told, and to the last moment you’ll be on the edge of your reading space, wondering if the Middle East, and the world, will descend into war, or rise to peace.

List Price: $15.00

5.5" x 8.5" (13.97 x 21.59 cm)
Black & White on White paper
262 pages

ISBN-13: 978-1539418382 (CreateSpace-Assigned)
ISBN-10: 1539418383
BISAC: Fiction / Action & Adventure

The author is hard at work on a sequel to the trilogy. Follow the authors process and progress at www.tesseratrilogy.blogspot.com

The novel is available now through www.createspace.com, and through Amazon.com and Amazon Europe in about five business days. Print On Demand or eBook versions are available.

BLOG POST 203

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 203

Process – Finished reading David Baldacci’s The Last Mile. It was a formidable thriller.  I highly recommend it. Next, I read his other Amos Decker novel, Memory Man. I recommend both, but read Memory Man first.

A fellow RWG and BAM critique, Greg Miller, also went through createspace for publication, and brought a “Proof” copy of his novel to this meeting. He is about to publish his fantasy novel  "The Grail of Culloden" a classic epic fantasy, book 1 of a series of 4 in his Westfal series.  He anticipates having it available for sale in December.  I recommend it for those interested in that genre.

BAM 07 Nov 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

Many editorial suggestions – agree, working

Overall pretty good – thanks

Questioned if George went to sleep alone – sadly (for them both) he did, for now

The language/slurring used to show drunkenness not working – agree, working to improve

The dialogue drags, shorten and consolidate - working to improve

Don’t repeat that he’s enjoying the evening – agree, working to improve

Well done transition - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Need to throw characters in a situation with less dialogue; show how they react – agree, working to improve

2.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Questioned use of third person POVs – thanks, working to correct/improve where appropriate

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, will clarify

3.      Questioned if use of “fixture” was intentional – it was, to portray drunkenness and slurred words

BAM member –

1.       Liked how George moved; can see he’s having fun – thanks

2.      George obviously molding with the women, slowly  – thanks

3.      Liked the story - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Good dialogue, a little long in places - thanks

2.       A few typos – disagree, those were intentional attempts to portray drunkenness and slurred words

3.      No written comments

BLOG POST 202

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 202

Ideas from recent RWG monthly meeting/Parade of Prose –

Develop a marketing plan. Status below:

Create a marketing logo – to do

Changed Yahoo mail signature to reflect updated POD status.

Investigate use of WORDPRESS blog

Revised FB photo – complete.

Pursue CRRL Local Author event.

Participate in regional Local author events

Pursue signings at wineries, microbreweries.

Establish a more marketing oriented BLOG

CreateSpace is an online site which offers an interactive method to self publish. Proof copies, with review and update/change ability are fesatured. Sizes, cover help is available at minimal cost, and proofing utilizes link to pursue parallel sale of books through eKindle. Royalties seem appropriate. Authors can purchase copies through CREATESPACE at cost.

I purchased a Proof copy of the novel and selected express delivery. After I detected some weakness in the finished product I took the proof to the Monday night critique session. I asked several of those present to make suggestions about the cover of the Kashan Kashmeeri proof copy. They suggested better definition (higher DPI count), and resizing the finished book’s spline. Additional suggestions include transposing and resizing author and Title, and retaking the cover photo.

I have a working list of minor editorial changes to make, in addition to a redo of the Kashan Kashmeeri cover.

The Next One - the sequel to The Tessera Trilogy, has gone through additional Books-A-Million (BAM) critique sessions. Results are encouraging that the novel has potential.

BAM 17 Oct 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Suggested changing Gawd to God - disagree

3.      Felt song Hey Macarena was dated – disagree, came out in 1995, after the women born

4.      Asked if George’s thoughts were out loud – agree, a POV conflict, working to correct

5.      Questioned frequent use of “Chica” – part of the character and speech of the women

6.      Overall pretty good – thanks

7.      Suggested shortening dialogue – agree, working to improve

BAM member –

1.      Great addition and excellent imagery - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Questioned what Bai was saying in response to “That’s soooo lamooo” to – disagree, his statements noted in text just above

4.      Felt Bai’s emotions were “all over the place” – agree, she experienced relief at his positive reaction to revelation of her study, then he got all brainiac – working

5.      Great dialogue - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Condense George’s thoughts about reacting to “unfamiliar situation” fits – agree, working to improve

3.      Suggested rewrite of section with George’s discussion of brain waves – agree, working to improve

4.      Questioned if George was a psychiatrist; reduce psychological analysis - agree, working to improve. His IQ of 197 and quirky character still apply

5.      Suggested attribution for apparent quote about trees and village – disagree, my words, working to improve

BAM member –

1.      Oh shit mentioned too often – disagree, part of the women’s character

2.      Felt there was too much dialogue - disagree

3.      Add more conflict – agree, working – agree, working

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Didn’t like George instructing on brain waves – disagree, part of his quirky character, but will condense

6.      Felt there was too much use of “Oh shit!” - disagree

BAM member –

1.      Questioned use of many different POVs – agree, working to improve where appropriate

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – assessing

3.      Questioned if Mierda was Spanish for Oh Shit – it is

4.      Backhanded compliment about the imagery of George’s twisting his ankles – thanks

5.      Suggested change to adverb “comfortably” to fit sense of paragraph – agree

6.      Questioned the women’s comments in front of George – disagree, use of “whispered” and “added quietly” imply private

7.      Asked how George knew the study was about a person – agree, working to improve

BAM member –

1.       George comes across as mysterious – thanks

2.      George obviously listening to and learning about the women – thanks

3.      Not sure where story is headed - working

4.       Like the story - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Good continuation - thanks

2.       No written comments

BLOG POST 201

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 201

The Next One - the sequel to The Tessera Trilogy, has begun to take form. It has suffered through, and survived its fourth Books-A-Million critique session.

One reviewer was very negative with all readers, even suggesting to them poems, poets and prose works as samples for them to model their segments on. After sensing a prevalent negative body language reception, the critiquer declined to offer comments on one reader’s segment, saying it was an unfamiliar genre, then abruptly left without explanation. This person needs to have an attitude adjustment … perhaps a margarita.

Riverside Writers Group (RWG) meeting – The RWG met on 08 October.  The meeting’s theme was the annual Parade of Prose. The meeting featured a training session on Publishing and Marketing your work. Two other RWG members, Dr. Dan Walker and John Wills, both published authors, were assisted by yours truly. Some critical information resulted from this session – Createspace.com will assist in creating, proofing, and marketing your work …. For FREE. I’m pursuing that avenue at the moment and anticipate my third novel, Kashan Kashmeeri, will be available via Print On Demand (POD) within the month.

Guest Speaker and author Joanne Liggan gave RWG members an interactive, well received presentation - “Giving your story CPR.” Other highlights included two Open Mike sessions, and a Prose Jam.

A fellow RWG member, Shelia Chambers, has just published: Damn The Nanny.

BAM 10 Oct 2016 critique comments

I requested the reviewers to tell me if my dialogue represented too much of, or appropriate portion of the story, and to evaluate the dialogue as to its credibility.

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Improve description of female characters – agree, working

3.      Replace use of “museums” with better word - agree

4.      Move description of George’s clothes before detection of his cologne – agree, working

5.      Move identification of Pedro nearer to Maria’s knowledge of him – agree, working

6.      Transpose descriptor location of “seat cushions” and “hard to catch” – agree

7.      Interesting continuation of story – thanks

8.      George comes across as a subject in a petri dish – thanks

9.      Maria comes across as mercenary – disagree, will work to clarify

10.  Use inner dialogue only as sarcasm, to keep opposing thoughts from listener - agree

BAM member –

1.      Great details, excellent descriptions - thanks

2.      Liked use of humor – thanks

3.      The women sound so mischievous – thanks

4.       Move description of stove vent hood – agree, working

5.      Remove “Bai twirled strands in her fingers.” – will move to different paragraph

6.      Loved use of “Splain” – thanks

7.      This is absolutely beautiful. I love it.” – thanks

8.      It flows and the dialogue is on spot. Very, Very well done. – thanks

9.      The girls are very lively and in modern time - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Very interesting story, more modern setting (than trilogy) - agree

2.      Cute dynamic between the women – thanks

3.      I like George’s character very much - thanks – working

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Catches readers attention, can relate to characters - thanks

6.      Best writing so far – thanks

BAM member –

1.      Your dialogue is fine, you’re setting the scene for these three characters - agree

2.      Good descriptions of settings, especially the women - agree, working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Thought  use of “hypothesized” was too uppity – agree, working

5.      Shorten some sentences – agree, working

6.      Spell out “splain” – disagree, shown as based on I love Lucy cliche

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Add more description about women’s’ clothing, how low blouse was – agree, working

2.      Play with accents and ethnic descriptions – agree, working

3.      Some foreign phrases seem “thrown in” – disagree, part of culture to suggest foreign language skills even if not conversant

4.      Add how the women stand, whether cleavage shows – agree, working

5.      Show how others see them as they walk down street, in supermarket – agree, working

6.      Add more description of settings – agree, working

7.      Show how confident the women are in themselves – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Questioned use of many different verbs to get around saying “said” – disagree; working to use a variety of verbs which tie to bodily actions

2.      “Exposition” wasn’t working for him, felt it was one step away from looking in a mirror –

3.      Don’t need to “speed up” in George’s home, slow down for dialogue – agree, working

4.      Numerous minor editorial suggestions – assessing

5.      Felt description of George’s height was “oddly precise” – disagree

6.      Skip description of making fajitas – disagree, part of ethnic connection with characters and cooking

BAM member –

1.      Well written, except it drags - working to improve

2.      Of describing margaritas said “Why do I care?”- disagree, part of social setting and experiments

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Thought use of “splain” was clichéd – agree, but part of characters’ character

5.      Shorten, speed it up – working

6.      Eliminate “cutesy” phrases – disagree, part of characters’ character

7.      “Why do I care? – disagree with negative attitude obvious with each reader

BAM member (new member)  –

1.       Loved the parrot – thanks

2.      You write humorously – thanks

3.      Good descriptions of characters and settings - thanks

4.       No written comments

BAM member –

1.       Good continuation, speed it up - working

2.       No written comments