BLOG POST 201

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 201

The Next One - the sequel to The Tessera Trilogy, has begun to take form. It has suffered through, and survived its fourth Books-A-Million critique session.

One reviewer was very negative with all readers, even suggesting to them poems, poets and prose works as samples for them to model their segments on. After sensing a prevalent negative body language reception, the critiquer declined to offer comments on one reader’s segment, saying it was an unfamiliar genre, then abruptly left without explanation. This person needs to have an attitude adjustment … perhaps a margarita.

Riverside Writers Group (RWG) meeting – The RWG met on 08 October.  The meeting’s theme was the annual Parade of Prose. The meeting featured a training session on Publishing and Marketing your work. Two other RWG members, Dr. Dan Walker and John Wills, both published authors, were assisted by yours truly. Some critical information resulted from this session – Createspace.com will assist in creating, proofing, and marketing your work …. For FREE. I’m pursuing that avenue at the moment and anticipate my third novel, Kashan Kashmeeri, will be available via Print On Demand (POD) within the month.

Guest Speaker and author Joanne Liggan gave RWG members an interactive, well received presentation - “Giving your story CPR.” Other highlights included two Open Mike sessions, and a Prose Jam.

A fellow RWG member, Shelia Chambers, has just published: Damn The Nanny.

BAM 10 Oct 2016 critique comments

I requested the reviewers to tell me if my dialogue represented too much of, or appropriate portion of the story, and to evaluate the dialogue as to its credibility.

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Improve description of female characters – agree, working

3.      Replace use of “museums” with better word - agree

4.      Move description of George’s clothes before detection of his cologne – agree, working

5.      Move identification of Pedro nearer to Maria’s knowledge of him – agree, working

6.      Transpose descriptor location of “seat cushions” and “hard to catch” – agree

7.      Interesting continuation of story – thanks

8.      George comes across as a subject in a petri dish – thanks

9.      Maria comes across as mercenary – disagree, will work to clarify

10.  Use inner dialogue only as sarcasm, to keep opposing thoughts from listener - agree

BAM member –

1.      Great details, excellent descriptions - thanks

2.      Liked use of humor – thanks

3.      The women sound so mischievous – thanks

4.       Move description of stove vent hood – agree, working

5.      Remove “Bai twirled strands in her fingers.” – will move to different paragraph

6.      Loved use of “Splain” – thanks

7.      This is absolutely beautiful. I love it.” – thanks

8.      It flows and the dialogue is on spot. Very, Very well done. – thanks

9.      The girls are very lively and in modern time - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Very interesting story, more modern setting (than trilogy) - agree

2.      Cute dynamic between the women – thanks

3.      I like George’s character very much - thanks – working

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Catches readers attention, can relate to characters - thanks

6.      Best writing so far – thanks

BAM member –

1.      Your dialogue is fine, you’re setting the scene for these three characters - agree

2.      Good descriptions of settings, especially the women - agree, working

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Thought  use of “hypothesized” was too uppity – agree, working

5.      Shorten some sentences – agree, working

6.      Spell out “splain” – disagree, shown as based on I love Lucy cliche

BAM member (new member) –

1.      Add more description about women’s’ clothing, how low blouse was – agree, working

2.      Play with accents and ethnic descriptions – agree, working

3.      Some foreign phrases seem “thrown in” – disagree, part of culture to suggest foreign language skills even if not conversant

4.      Add how the women stand, whether cleavage shows – agree, working

5.      Show how others see them as they walk down street, in supermarket – agree, working

6.      Add more description of settings – agree, working

7.      Show how confident the women are in themselves – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Questioned use of many different verbs to get around saying “said” – disagree; working to use a variety of verbs which tie to bodily actions

2.      “Exposition” wasn’t working for him, felt it was one step away from looking in a mirror –

3.      Don’t need to “speed up” in George’s home, slow down for dialogue – agree, working

4.      Numerous minor editorial suggestions – assessing

5.      Felt description of George’s height was “oddly precise” – disagree

6.      Skip description of making fajitas – disagree, part of ethnic connection with characters and cooking

BAM member –

1.      Well written, except it drags - working to improve

2.      Of describing margaritas said “Why do I care?”- disagree, part of social setting and experiments

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Thought use of “splain” was clichéd – agree, but part of characters’ character

5.      Shorten, speed it up – working

6.      Eliminate “cutesy” phrases – disagree, part of characters’ character

7.      “Why do I care? – disagree with negative attitude obvious with each reader

BAM member (new member)  –

1.       Loved the parrot – thanks

2.      You write humorously – thanks

3.      Good descriptions of characters and settings - thanks

4.       No written comments

BAM member –

1.       Good continuation, speed it up - working

2.       No written comments