BLOG POST 174

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 174

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went up to 204; total word count up to 91.0 K, and percent went up to  71.4 percent.

BAM 30 November 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Good addition, but POV changes detract – agree, working

3.      Suggested President Ellington ask for list of options, then selects one – will consider

4.      At several points characters would not have seen or heard the inner dialogue, looks – agree, working

5.      Suggested changes to description of job and DC being a “bitch” – agree, working

6.      Suggested changing “This Commander-in-chief” to Ellington – disagree, that would leave three sentences with Ellington’s name

7.      Suggested rewrite of sentence referring to feelings of losing puppy – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Flow was much better, one of better efforts – thanks

2.      Asked identity of speaker at one part – agree, will identify

3.      Suggested eliminate use of adverbs – agree, working

4.      Suggested change of description of Lincoln – agree

5.      Suggested use name in place of job title – agree

6.      Suggested explain “untenable position” of Israelis – agree, working

7.      Questioned mention of inner dialogue about life insurance – disagree, used to emphasize O’Tooles concerns for war

8.      Suggested improving POV use – agree, working

9.      Minor editorial changes – agree

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Overall better than last segment reviewed - thanks

3.      Questioned underlining – agree, working

4.      Liked comparison of President Ellington to Lincoln – thanks

5.      Liked use of reference to astrologer – thanks

6.      Noted repetitive use of “the Saudis” – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Thought this segment had way better flow, really liked - thanks

2.      Parts have some tangents from story – agree, working

3.      More human, easier to follow – thanks

BAM member –

1.      Noted repetitive use of “the Saudis” – agree, working

2.      Liked phraseology, it gives body – thanks