BLOG POST 177

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 177

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went up to 212; total word count up to 94.1 K, and percent went up to 73.0 percent.

Completed reading the last of David Baldacci’s King and Maxwell series. They are all excellent reads, with short, concise action filled or tension filled dialogue. He includes just a little deep technical data for Geek interest. There are lots of twists and the stories are all great, pulling the readers in to associate with the characters.

BAM 14 December 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Questioned spelling of Thach Weave – correct as written

3.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

4.      Questioned whether identification of F-5s meant F-4s – No, I chose and used two different aircraft

5.      Suggested rewording several sentences to shorten – thanks for suggestions

6.      Questioned reason for the Captain vomiting – the stress of aerial combat

7.      Remove reference to ballet steps – will consider

8.      Add sensory cues about low fuel state – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Liked that action was apparent – agree

3.      Reduce telling, increase showing – agree

4.      Suggested adding the instructors’ call sign he couldn’t pronounce – disagree, would be superfluous

5.      Emphasize the tension created by announcement of DEFCON ONE – agree, working

6.      Liked tension of request for missiles prior to flight – thanks

7.      Good chapter with plenty of realistic action – thanks

8.      Good description of fear and tension – thanks

9.      Really liked - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Much better (than last segment reviewed); good chapter – thanks

3.      Suggested adding the instructors’ call sign he couldn’t pronounce – disagree, would be superfluous

4.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

5.      Reduce usage of “unless” – agree

6.      Questioned multiple mentions of sweat soaked flight suits – needed to emphasize stress of combat and heat of desert

BAM member –

1.      Better sequences of action, tension – thanks

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree

3.      Too many words, details – will consider

4.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

5.      Change klaxon to siren - agree

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Questioned use of klaxon – agree

3.      Liked descriptions of tactics and when used – thanks

4.      I was able to follow chapter easily – thanks

5.      Very intense chapter; the dialogue and details are good – thanks

6.      The action is great; great chapter - thanks

7.      Questioned RJAF – identified as Royal Jordanian Air Force before

8.      Questioned RTB (Return To Base) - agree

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Suggested changing “exuded” – disagree

3.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

4.      Suggested starting segment at declaration of DEFCON ONE – disagree, done before in prior segment. This was at base; but will elaborate about reaction on base

5.      Questioned what a SIDEARM was – disagree; identified earlier as radar homing missile

6.      Show how upsetting the low fuel alarm was – agree, working

7.      Questioned what was meant by jinn – a desert spirit, like a devil, genie

8.      Questioned whether at end whether pilot or instructor was the hero – agree, the young pilot

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Very good, easy to follow – thanks

3.      Fast paced, lots of action – thanks

4.      Lots of detail, smoothly introduced; liked the dogfight – thanks

5.      Liked the twist of blood in instructors’ vomit – thanks

6.      Good wrap up – thanks

7.      Better than prior version (improved) - thanks

BAM member –

1.      No written comments

2.      Much better, better focus - thanks