BLOG POST 178

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 178

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went up to 213; total word count up to 99 K, and percent went down to 70.0 percent.

BAM 28 December 2015 critique comments

Mixed review comments; critics noted the building tension to an air battle, but noted too much narrative, I need to get better at this, although the current product far exceeds previous novels. Overall I’m learning a lot, and improving my style.

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Liked angry African bees swarming - thanks

3.      Reduce telling, personalize the battle – agree, working

4.      Rethink three kamikaze fighters unknown … agree, working

5.      Explain MRBMs – agree, will elaborate on strategic importance

6.      “Caused a stir” needs to be strengthened – agree, working

7.      “Kissed your ass goodbye” overused – agree

8.      Good suspense buildup to wave attack air battle – thanks

9.      Liked ‘unchecked pandemic” - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Needs showing, dialogue – agree, working

3.      Explain how “no borders were breached” – agree, I meant on the ground with infantry or armor

4.      Incorporate a POV character instead of narrative – agree

5.      Delete unnecessary American reaction to reports – disagree; will expand, elaborate on reaction

6.      Emphasize the Saudi public reactions to news of war – agree

7.      Unsure of importance or significance of Pops as a character – disagree; it’s coming

8.      Best portion was section on human reaction at SAM battery

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Use of cliché “war was hell” – agree, working

3.      Incorporate picture of Israeli progress – agree, good suggestion

4.      Reduce redundant use of phrases – agree

5.      Incorporate tension among radar operators on AWACS – agree, working

6.      Show where Israeli planes where in sequence of air battles - agree

BAM member –

1.      Needs character at beginning to explain battle periodically – agree, working

2.      Probably want to not use double spacing between paragraphs – disagree

3.      Indent first word of each paragraph – disagree, my style choice