BLOG POST 173

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 173

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 201; total word count down to 90.8 K, and percent went up to 70.2 percent as additional subject matter was added in drafts. A word or two of explanation - the variation of percentage complete is due to rewrites of the segments after incorporating suggestions, editorial changes due to critique inputs. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum. 

Just started re-reading excerpts of Clancy’s The Bear and the Dragon.

Personal insight – Some reviewers carefully select the words in their poems, but when they critique others, often unfiltered, spiteful words emerge. One individual previously said of a segment I read for review, “almost makes me want to gag.” At the last review session he said, “I don’t see why I should be interested (in story).”

While this particular reviewer makes an effort to portray himself as a liberal Christian, and tolerant of all sorts of genres and works, he often says things which disprove those portrayals.  His offerings for a personal memoir, to be truthful, have on occasion been droll, inane collections of impersonal lists of organizations, a bleak recitation of the heads of various physics departments at laboratories. At other times he has offered adult offerings which one could see upset his spouse. It may be that I need to remind him that sugar works better than vinegar, that some off his off the wall comments are personal, but not professional.  Finally reviewers should provide written comments, rather than mere caustic jabs.

BAM 23 November 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       No emotion, was looking for Anh to be brought in - working

2.       Got lost at mention of STU – Secure Telephone Units were mentioned earlier

3.       Suggested a change to phrasing about aromas from spices – disagree; correct as written. Change would leave source of the aroma uncertain.

4.       Pointed out repetitive use of “the system” – agree, working

5.       Pointed out repetitive use of “gut” – agree, working

6.       Pointed out repetitive use of “DCI Trujillo” – agree, working

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes - working

2.       Story moving forward, but too slowly – agree, working

3.       Story too factual, cold – agree; working

4.       Suggested mention of MODA and military situation was said before – yes, but story being retold to different listener, with differences in context, content

5.       Pointed out erroneous POV in successive paragraphs – will fix

6.       Pointed out confusing juxtaposition of verbal and written report – will fix

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Slow paced, was able to follow – thanks

3.       Confused by references to movie A few good men – working

4.       Increase the tension, personal level of threats to characters – agree, working

5.       Put Tooley into danger – disagree; not in plan, but should increase prospects of war

6.       Suggested moving second sentence in a paragraph to first - agree

BAM member  –

1.       The story drifts; tighten up action – working

2.       Too many suppositions, estimates, utterances – disagree; several views are assessing chances for a war. Such things are rarely absolute.

3.       Minor editorial changes – agree

4.       Change sensors to read censors - agree

BAM member  –

5.       Minor editorial changes – agree

6.       Moves slowly; tighten up story – agree, working

7.       Liked description of tent and softening effects of breeze – thanks

8.       Confused about mention of AWACS seeing into Israel, since satellites can – disagree, Israeli OFFEQ satellite is not geo-synchronous, so loses the ‘picture’ 

BAM member  –

1.       Thought this segment more human than recent, better paced – thanks

2.       Parts should be scrapped or combined – will consider

3.       Shift to action – disagree, story can’t only be action; a war is coming

BAM member  –

1.       Enjoyed mention of CNN reporter; he seemed like a kid - thanks

BAM member  –

1.       Lots of research evident – thanks

BAM member  –

1.       No written comments

2.       Little human interaction, too mechanical – working

3.       Said, “I don’t see why I should be interested (in story)” – HMM!