BLOG POST 234

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 234

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 126 pages reviewed.

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BAM 28 August 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Too much exposition, narrative is God’s eye view – agree, working

2.      Confused by who “she” was in shopping center scene – agree, trying to not identify Brenda overtly

3.      Show the action as it happens, “unpack” (???) –

4.      Questioned involvement by George and Bai – coming

5.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      Lots of exposition, narrative  

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      How large were lockers to include a fork lift – agree, working (large will accommodate)

4.      Strip mall scene was credible, suggests a set up – agree, a setup, staged assassination to provide cover for Adnan

5.      Mixed POVs evident, confusing – agree, working

6.      Setup (Brenda assassination) interesting twist – thanks

7.      Page five POV not clear – agree, working

8.      Ops Center scene too detailed, just burning midnight oil – agree, working but also trying to stress location of terrorists as becoming less clear

9.      No character development, in action mode – thanks, working

10.  This segment advanced the story, overall good – thanks

11.  Correct San Diego County to read City – disagree, meant County to reflect wider area