BLOG POST 225

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 225

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 92 pages reviewed.

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BAM 22 May 2017 critique comments

With our beloved, fearless leader absent, the critique proceeded very differently. The first two members arrived, agreed to just read each others’ segments silently, rather than aloud. When the next two BAM members appeared, they were agreeable to the same silent markup process.

This process prevented writers sensing the critics’ facial cues and verbal tones that previously applied. The critique completed early, but was followed by a spirited political discussion.

BAM member –

1.      Numerous editorial suggestions - working

2.      Reduce repetitive use of verbs – agree, working

3.      Identify who Brenda is – agree

4.      Increase tension as Mick and Mo discuss, then install car bug – agree, working

5.      Improve accuracy of connection of Bai’s tablet with college WIFI – agree, working

6.      Did Mick lose his fake Spanish accent – No; Mo was the character using Spanish as a cover for his being a Saudi

7.      Describe how Area 52 could still access security sensor data if Adnan changed password – agree, working

8.      Describe how Mo took photos – agree, working (cell phone, for PR on Area 52 website)

9.      Increase tension as Mick and Mo install home sensors – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Questioned who was speaking at several points – agree, working  

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

3.      Suggested identifying where Bai lived – Saudi Arabia, but identified earlier

4.      Suggested clarifying how the PI course could help – agree, working

5.      Suggested clarify the direction prayer rugs pointed – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Good addition - thanks

2.      Got lost with reference to Einstein and Brenda – Einstein is George’s parrot, with whom he talks to unload frustrations. Brenda is becoming the girlfriend of Adnan.

Personal self critique –

1.      Reduce repetitive use of “Mick and Mo”