Tessera
Trilogy Blog
Post 215
I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real,
actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my
anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and
being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please
FOLLOW.
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The working draft of The Next
One now stands at 60 pages reviewed.
*********************************************
BAM 27 Feb 2017 critique comments
BAM member –
1.
Pretty good
writing, kept with single POV - thanks
2.
Minor editorial
suggestions – agree, working
3.
Liked Bai and
Maria interchange - thanks
4.
Eliminate use of “Chica”
– will reduce
5.
Shorten
description of Mick’s character – agree, working
6.
Don’t believe
George would tell Mick he can hack FBI database – will rephrase, but essential
to rest of novel
7.
Felt that Bai
could find a non-existent microbrewery via Google – disagree, reworded
8.
Reduce Bai’s
saying George is smart – agree, working
9.
Nice tension at
the end - thanks
BAM member –
1.
Gets better every
week – thanks
2.
Emphasize
tension, unclear where story is going – will work to emphasize
3.
Minor editorial
suggestions – agree, working
4.
Clarify what part
or parts of her body Maria is shaking – agree, working
5.
Adjust Bai’s
dialogue with Maria to recognize Maria was ignoring Bai – agree
6.
Revise seeming
emphasis on Mo’s wealth – agree, working
7.
Questioned Mick’s
understanding George’s use of Baroque – disagree, his experiences include art and cultures of Europe, the
world
BAM member –
1.
Dialogue between
Bai and Maria is strained, women tell each other everything – will rework
2.
Watch TV shows
Friends or Big Bang Theory for hints about females talking to each other – will
revisit, make more sexual, explicit
3.
Minor editorial
suggestions – agree, working
4.
Didn’t see the
relevance of reference to Men are from Mars – disagree, but will rework
5.
Reduce having Bai
say anything about how smart George is – agree, working
BAM member –
1.
This is best
you’ve done – thanks
2.
Don’t have Bai say
George is too smart for me – agree, working
3.
Suggested a character
description change – agree, working
BAM member –
1.
Flowed well, good
dialogue – thanks
Reduce use of Mick’s name – agree, working
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