BLOG POST 215

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 215

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 60 pages reviewed.

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BAM 27 Feb  2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Pretty good writing, kept with single POV - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Liked Bai and Maria interchange - thanks

4.      Eliminate use of “Chica” – will reduce

5.      Shorten description of Mick’s character – agree, working

6.      Don’t believe George would tell Mick he can hack FBI database – will rephrase, but essential to rest of novel

7.      Felt that Bai could find a non-existent microbrewery via Google – disagree, reworded

8.      Reduce Bai’s saying George is smart – agree, working

9.      Nice tension at the end - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Gets better every week – thanks

2.      Emphasize tension, unclear where story is going – will work to emphasize

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Clarify what part or parts of her body Maria is shaking – agree, working

5.      Adjust Bai’s dialogue with Maria to recognize Maria was ignoring Bai – agree

6.      Revise seeming emphasis on Mo’s wealth – agree, working

7.      Questioned Mick’s understanding George’s use of Baroque – disagree, his experiences include art and cultures of Europe, the world

BAM member –

1.      Dialogue between Bai and Maria is strained, women tell each other everything – will rework

2.      Watch TV shows Friends or Big Bang Theory for hints about females talking to each other – will revisit, make more sexual, explicit

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Didn’t see the relevance of reference to Men are from Mars – disagree, but will rework

5.      Reduce having Bai say anything about how smart George is – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      This is best you’ve done – thanks

2.      Don’t have Bai say George is too smart for me – agree, working

3.      Suggested a character description change – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Flowed well, good dialogue – thanks

Reduce use of Mick’s name – agree, working