Tessera
Trilogy Blog
Post 212
I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real,
actual versus alternative, emanating
from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our
values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My
reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.
*********************************************
The process – Writing, and reading – I re-read David Baldacci’s Split
Second.
A t tonight’s BAM critique session I exchanged my newest novel, Kashan Kashmeeri, with D. Allen Miles
for his two novels – Balfour and the Shadow
Pirate, and Balfour and the Cargo
of Innocence.
The working draft of The Next One
now stands at 49 reviewed pages.
*********************************************
BAM 06 Feb 2017 critique comments
Received by far the most complete,
critical – but helpful – comments.
BAM member –
1.
Minor editorial
suggestions – agree, working
2.
Improve how we
know Bai was being followed – improving to show in narrative and dialogue
3.
Bai could not
have seen the accident parts scattering – sort of agree, but working
4.
Move the accident
radio reports to end of reviewed segment – agree, will move to where she throws
up
5.
Improve clarity
of Bai’s fears – agree, working
6.
Clarify Bai’s
mixed reactions – frantic, then asking for a margarita – I want to portray the
mixed messages. She didn’t know for certain of Mafia, only that someone
followed
BAM member –
1.
Dialogue was good
– thanks
2.
You’ve taken us
in a different direction – agree
3.
Looking forward
to next segment - thanks
4.
Minor editorial
suggestions – agree, working
5.
Improve sequence
of Bai evading her pursuer – agree, will improve
6.
Clarify reference
to Freeway as “405” alone – agree, working
7.
Improve Bai’s
interaction with George after accident – agree, working
BAM member –
1.
Correct POV
errors – agree, working
2.
Confused as to
whether Bai knew she was being followed – working to improve, but I want this
confusion and uncertainty
3.
Change to show
she scanned with her eyes, not her eyes scanned – agree
4.
Improve timing of
hearing radio broadcasts – agree, working
5.
Couldn’t believe
truck driver wouldn’t accurately identify the yellow Golf which caused the accidents – agree; however,
most eye witnesses are
inconsistent
6.
Explain earlier
about Bai’s practice of looking for pursuers – will improve
7.
Questioned
inaccuracy, glibness of reporters – disagree; it’s what they do
8.
Tie the sounds,
but not visuals of accident, to Bai – agree, working
BAM member –
1.
Great imagery –
thanks
2.
Very good
addition - thanks
3.
Minor editorial
suggestions – agree, working
4.
Improve the
intensity of Bai’s fears – working to
improve, but I want to keep uncertainty about why she thinks they were
following her, versus George’s belief
5.
Increase Bai’s intensity about buying a gun –
agree, working
6.
Bai wouldn’t snicker
at radio reporter news – agree, working
7.
Yeah, Baby! Out of
place compared to her fears – agree, working
BAM member –
1.
Action was good –
thanks
2.
Bai wouldn’t know
what happened behind her – agree in part; she could have seen parts as she
exited 405 Freeway
3.
Clarify that
fender didn’t gesture at scene of accident – agree
4.
Who stood after
arm pinched – agree, fixed
5.
No written
comments
6.
Didn’t understand
about parking meter experiment – disagree, explained in prior segments
7.
Interesting, but
confusing – disagree, explained in prior segments
BAM member –
1.
Agreed with
others comments
2.
No written
comments –
BAM member –
1.
Left without
review or comments –
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