BLOG POST 216

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 216

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The Process – Have been reading Great short works by Mark Twain. The piece I found most enlightening was his, Fennimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses. Twain, Samuel Clements being his real name, excoriated Cooper’s style, use of words, the accuracy of physical descriptions in his Deerslayer. If one reads it, one comes away convinced that if Clements had critiqued Fennimore Coopers’ draft, Cooper would have walked away in tears, and given up writing forever. Thankfully neither of those parts occurred and we can relish Deerslayer and Coopers’ other classics.

This has relevance because some comments at critiques I participate in tend towards directing me to a different style and narrative than I feel comfortable with. As I review and evaluate the value of each comment, I dismiss some because I feel the suggestions are more directive than suggestive. 

Completed a re-read of Tom Clancy’s The Bear and the Dragon, a thriller about a war between Russia and China. Terrific!

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 63 pages reviewed.

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BAM 06 March 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Pretty good writing, kept with single POV - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Describe how and when George identified Bai’s stalkers – agree, working

4.      Tighten up narrative, dialogue – working

5.      Reduce repetition use of “range” – agree, working

6.      Good addition, liked it – thanks

7.      Move on from their amorous scenes – working, but essential to romance

BAM member –

1.      Needs more tension to keep reader interest – agree, working

2.      Reduce banter – disagree, my style, but will rework a bit

3.      Suggested earlier explanation of George’s identification of Bai’s stalkers – disagree, doesn’t fit story

4.      One interchange between George and Bai too mechanical – disagree, that’s Georges character

5.      Banter doesn’t directly lead to action – sorry, my plot and pace

6.      Increase sense of peril – working

BAM member –

1.      Didn’t understand why “Monterey blew my (Bai’s) paper – George and Bai made love, raising questions of objectivity

2.      Confused by Bai’s remark about humor of martial arts statement –she used sushi as a defense technique

3.      Liked how clinically George described love making - thanks

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Explain why George would be hard to find – he was reclusive; the social media posts ‘outed’ him from obscurity

6.      Improve George’s remarks about firing weapons on range – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Given my experience w your military writing, this is welcome change – thanks

2.      Good dialogue – thanks

3.      Good movement - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Really good – thanks

2.      Things going too well for this couple – working

3.      Suggested a character description change – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Good dialogue, maybe a bit too much – working

2.      Include more about danger for George and Bai – working

3.      No written comments

BAM member –

1.      No written comments

2.      Getting to know characters

3.      Not sure where relationship going

4.      Cover more of impending danger - working