BLOG POST 218

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 218

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com 

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 70 pages reviewed.

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BAM 27 March 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Unsure about San Andreas Fault – big part of novel

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      George’s knowledge of earthquakes conflicts with Bai’s ignorance – agree, working

4.      Suggested rewriting Bai’s classroom experience to her being in class, rather than relating it afterwards – will consider

5.      Watch for POV shifts – working

6.      Why did Range Master say something about not needing to cover use of deadly force, yet say shoot to kill  – dramatic part of novel about to unfold

7.      Add dramatic content about Bai at pistol range – agree, working

8.      Reduce description of effects of earthquake – working

BAM member –

1.      Remove duplication of character tags and then restatement – agree, working

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Shorten Bai’s description about earthquakes – agree, working

4.      Minimize use of exclamation marks – agree

5.      Needs careful rewrite to eliminate excessive words - agree

BAM member –

1.      Lots on info on San Andreas Fault – OK if needed, otherwise remove – big part of novel

2.      Add more reaction by Bai as George re-enters bedroom – working

3.      Bai was speaking in writer/narrative POV – working

4.      Questioned necessity of detail on pistol range – sets tension for future use of deadly force

5.      Incorporate the noise of the pistol firing – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Good addition -

2.      Questioned so much mention of San Andreas Fault – big part of novel

3.      Questioned use of incomplete sentence – disagree, sentence had subject, verb and object

BAM member –

1.      No comments, no written comments