BLOG POST 219

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 219

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative, emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 73 pages reviewed.

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BAM 03 April 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Pretty good addition, well done - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Correct wandering POV shifts – agree, working

4.      Wouldn’t say/use “We’re Arabic”or “I speak Arabic” – agree, working

5.      Remove dialogue tags – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Correct POV errors – agree, working

2.      Wanted to be let in on Mo’s plan – disagree, it will come up soon, building tension, suspense

3.      How could Bai know what he was pointing to if it was out of sight – agree, working

4.      Questioned identity of “They” in second scene – agree, working

5.      Wants to be more into Mo’s POV and his tensions – agree, working

6.      Need to describe more of the sign in garage – agree, working

7.      These seem “dumb terrorists” to have a sign in the garage – unseen from street, and we’ll soon discover the neighbors of these two men

BAM member –

1.      Unclear what words in italics meant – emphasis, as I tried to show in reading

2.      Good use of gender humor – thanks

3.      Good ending which made me want more – thanks

4.      The dialogue worked - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Addition was good – thanks

2.      Liked use of broken Spanish - thanks

3.      Good dialogue, flowed well – thanks

4.      Liked story, was still in it - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Agreed with others comments

2.      Good addition – thanks

3.      Wanted more about Mick and Mo, felt lost that they’d disappeared from story - working

4.      No written comments –

BAM member –

1.      Pretty good addition – thanks

2.      Unsure about being able to hack gun registration database - possible

3.      No written comments