BLOG POST 221

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 221

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 78 pages reviewed.

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BAM 24 April 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Overall liked this continuation – thanks

2.      Confused by reference to Vietnamese joke about long noses – an Asian (or at least VN) put down about western noses

3.      Many editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Questioned meaning of B&E – commonly recognized, breaking and entering

5.      Dialogue of George talking with O’Tooles too convoluted – working

6.      Sentence at top of page 5 confusing – agree, working

7.      Questioned “that kind of guy don’t” remark by Maria – slang, use of vernacular

BAM member –

1.      Good addition - thanks

2.      Many editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Sentence at top of page 5 confusing – agree, working

4.      This concentrates too much on introducing parents, but no effect on story – created tension between George and Bai

BAM member –

1.      Brought parents in, but didn’t elaborate – they’re throw away characters to tie this sequel to the Trilogy

2.      Why was Bai surprised about undefined “other things” having to do with the vandals who flattened Bai’s tire – because George had explained what the other things are yet

BAM member –

1.      Questioned whether O’Toole was a Vietnamese name – no, O’Toole is husband’s Irish surname (Padrick Marcus Michael O’Toole)

2.      Liked tension at end – thanks

3.      Lots of dialogue, but needs action - working

BAM member –

1.      Really good continuation - thanks

2.      Sentence at top of page 5 confusing – agree, working

3.      Last page, on tablet, needs discovery – working

4.      Some dialogue dragged - working