BLOG POST 194

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 194

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 184; total word count inched up to 98.1 K, and percent increased to  96.5 percent.

BAM 06 June 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree with most; working

2.      Too passive wording at points - working

3.      Ship hull numbers unnecessary - disagree

4.      Moves well – thanks

5.      Identify who briefed Tooley at office – agree

6.      Questioned tense of verbs – disagree; working

7.      Identify the pilots target – agree; working

BAM member –

1.      Narrative seems oddly familiar – yes, but of greater intensity with arming of a bomb and planes’ launch. Tension is being ratcheted up

2.      Identifying technical details detracts from reader interest – disagree; audience

3.      Too many new characters – agree; working

4.      Clarify the events, and timing – agree; working

5.      Change facsimile to fax – disagree; used earlier in same paragraph

6.      Minor editorial comments – agreed with most

BAM member –

1.      Story and writing clearer - thanks

2.      Too many new characters – agree; working

3.      Pacing varies a great deal; too much – agree; tension is being ratcheted up

4.      Liked humorous reference to nuclear winter - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Nuclear tension, plus added military insubordination - thanks

2.       Saw foreshadowing of confrontation - thanks

3.      Thought pilot would personally inspect the bomb – agree; working to explain that a good pilot would, a zealot might not

4.      Minor editorial comments – agreed with most

5.      Was confused with numerous new named characters - – working; will make them anonymous

BAM member –

1.       Writing better, more clear - thanks

2.       Jumping from place to place makes reading difficult – disagree; required to show complexity of story

3.      Identify WHSR as setting – agree

4.      Too much technical detail – working to simplify

5.      Minor editorial comments – disagreed with many

6.      Identify settings more clearly – agree; working

7.      Thought CAPS not needed in SANG Road name – disagree; SANG is the acronym for Saudi Arabian National Guard, and used previously

8.      Identify the pilots target – agree; working

BAM member -

1.      Can’t “connect” with new (throw away) characters – working; will make them anonymous

2.      Unclear about names/introduction of two captains (aviators) - agree

3.      Too many new characters with no personality – working

4.      Minor editorial comments – agree

5.      New characters lack emotional appeal – I tried to illustrate that even some military have consciences. Their names in Hebrew were significant.

6.      Identify WHSR as setting for NSC meeting and dialogue - agree

BAM new member) –

1.       Liked way pieces broken out – thanks

2.       Waiting to see what the Israeli Generals’ orders are - thanks

3.      No written comments

BAM new member –     

1.      Lots of interesting action, but pace too fast – thanks; near end of novel excitement about nuclear war

2.       Wanted elaboration on two special weapons ordnance techs, and aviators - working

3.      Lots of interesting events, but coming too fast – disagree; near start of potential nuclear war

4.      Liked imagery of F-15 and dust at blast deflector - thanks

BAM member –

1.       Writing and structure better, but still lost in story -

2.      No written comments