BLOG POST 193

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 193

Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 186; total word count inched down to 97.5 K, and percent increased to  95.5 percent. I felt elated. There were few serious critical comments, and a relative slew of positive feedback. Will need to bring one protagonist more fully into final three segments, but that will fit. 

BAM 23 May 2016 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree with most; working

2.      Good pacing, but responses seemed too nuanced – working (and thanks)

3.      Israeli response is mystifying; do they really expect to win – yes (have in both wars)

4.      Curious what the Israelis will do; they seem intransigent – thanks

5.      Questioned the dramatics of President slamming the phone – disagree; he’s facing a nuclear war he can’t control

6.      Suggested removing sentence with “tyranny of numbers” – disagree; it implies a lots for Israel, as it is surrounded. It drives their actions.

7.      Felt strategy of a tank offensive is non-credible – disagree; fits the segments coming; such an offensive would allow destruction of enemy tank force (even the battle field)

BAM member –

1.      Good – well done narrative – thanks

2.      Good linear progression of story – thanks

3.      One of your best - thanks

4.      Use the words as you read them – agree; working

5.      Minor editorial changes – agree; working

6.      Good portent (foreshadowing) at end - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Reads well, well written - thanks

2.      Liked the flashes of people reaction from different parts of world – thanks

3.      One of your best efforts – thanks

4.      Read like a visual news collage - thanks – thanks

5.      Well done throughout – thanks

6.      Felt Stefano and Rodolfo should become central protagonists of novel – disagree; need to stick with cousins, as novel is at 93 percent

7.      Minor editorial changes – agree; working

8.      Use the words as you read them – agree; working

BAM member –

1.       Very good. Your best! - thanks

2.       Great descriptive narrative; good world view - thanks

3.      Loved the dialogue; was able to follow all characters - thanks

4.      Minor editorial comments – agreed with half

BAM member -

1.      Probably wouldn’t state the year (2005) to make reader think it’s present day – disagree; stated previously - thanks

2.      Thought dialogue and action was very realistic – thanks

3.      Was unsure of speaker at two points – clear as read and written

4.      Stick with identifying Stefano by his first name, rather than both first and family names –working; in one case soldiers would know him by last name

5.      Uncertain who “Aviv” was – previously identified General in charge of Israeli forces

6.      Uncertain who “Kibbutzim” was – previously identified as Defense Minister

7.      Minor editorial changes – agree; working

8.      Seemed like too many characters – disagree; it’s a complex story (many are throw away characters)

BAM member –

1.       A while back you should have gone (written) in a different direction – disagree; my book

2.      Seems to focus on level of Generals(and diplomats)  – agree; they do make the decisions

3.      No written comments

New BAM member –

1.       Liked way pieces broken out – thanks

2.       Waiting to see what the Israeli Generals’ orders are - thanks

3.      No written comments