BLOG POST 178

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 178

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went up to 213; total word count up to 99 K, and percent went down to 70.0 percent.

BAM 28 December 2015 critique comments

Mixed review comments; critics noted the building tension to an air battle, but noted too much narrative, I need to get better at this, although the current product far exceeds previous novels. Overall I’m learning a lot, and improving my style.

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Liked angry African bees swarming - thanks

3.      Reduce telling, personalize the battle – agree, working

4.      Rethink three kamikaze fighters unknown … agree, working

5.      Explain MRBMs – agree, will elaborate on strategic importance

6.      “Caused a stir” needs to be strengthened – agree, working

7.      “Kissed your ass goodbye” overused – agree

8.      Good suspense buildup to wave attack air battle – thanks

9.      Liked ‘unchecked pandemic” - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Needs showing, dialogue – agree, working

3.      Explain how “no borders were breached” – agree, I meant on the ground with infantry or armor

4.      Incorporate a POV character instead of narrative – agree

5.      Delete unnecessary American reaction to reports – disagree; will expand, elaborate on reaction

6.      Emphasize the Saudi public reactions to news of war – agree

7.      Unsure of importance or significance of Pops as a character – disagree; it’s coming

8.      Best portion was section on human reaction at SAM battery

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Use of cliché “war was hell” – agree, working

3.      Incorporate picture of Israeli progress – agree, good suggestion

4.      Reduce redundant use of phrases – agree

5.      Incorporate tension among radar operators on AWACS – agree, working

6.      Show where Israeli planes where in sequence of air battles - agree

BAM member –

1.      Needs character at beginning to explain battle periodically – agree, working

2.      Probably want to not use double spacing between paragraphs – disagree

3.      Indent first word of each paragraph – disagree, my style choice

BLOG POST 177

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 177

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went up to 212; total word count up to 94.1 K, and percent went up to 73.0 percent.

Completed reading the last of David Baldacci’s King and Maxwell series. They are all excellent reads, with short, concise action filled or tension filled dialogue. He includes just a little deep technical data for Geek interest. There are lots of twists and the stories are all great, pulling the readers in to associate with the characters.

BAM 14 December 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Questioned spelling of Thach Weave – correct as written

3.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

4.      Questioned whether identification of F-5s meant F-4s – No, I chose and used two different aircraft

5.      Suggested rewording several sentences to shorten – thanks for suggestions

6.      Questioned reason for the Captain vomiting – the stress of aerial combat

7.      Remove reference to ballet steps – will consider

8.      Add sensory cues about low fuel state – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Liked that action was apparent – agree

3.      Reduce telling, increase showing – agree

4.      Suggested adding the instructors’ call sign he couldn’t pronounce – disagree, would be superfluous

5.      Emphasize the tension created by announcement of DEFCON ONE – agree, working

6.      Liked tension of request for missiles prior to flight – thanks

7.      Good chapter with plenty of realistic action – thanks

8.      Good description of fear and tension – thanks

9.      Really liked - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Much better (than last segment reviewed); good chapter – thanks

3.      Suggested adding the instructors’ call sign he couldn’t pronounce – disagree, would be superfluous

4.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

5.      Reduce usage of “unless” – agree

6.      Questioned multiple mentions of sweat soaked flight suits – needed to emphasize stress of combat and heat of desert

BAM member –

1.      Better sequences of action, tension – thanks

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree

3.      Too many words, details – will consider

4.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

5.      Change klaxon to siren - agree

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Questioned use of klaxon – agree

3.      Liked descriptions of tactics and when used – thanks

4.      I was able to follow chapter easily – thanks

5.      Very intense chapter; the dialogue and details are good – thanks

6.      The action is great; great chapter - thanks

7.      Questioned RJAF – identified as Royal Jordanian Air Force before

8.      Questioned RTB (Return To Base) - agree

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Suggested changing “exuded” – disagree

3.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

4.      Suggested starting segment at declaration of DEFCON ONE – disagree, done before in prior segment. This was at base; but will elaborate about reaction on base

5.      Questioned what a SIDEARM was – disagree; identified earlier as radar homing missile

6.      Show how upsetting the low fuel alarm was – agree, working

7.      Questioned what was meant by jinn – a desert spirit, like a devil, genie

8.      Questioned whether at end whether pilot or instructor was the hero – agree, the young pilot

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Very good, easy to follow – thanks

3.      Fast paced, lots of action – thanks

4.      Lots of detail, smoothly introduced; liked the dogfight – thanks

5.      Liked the twist of blood in instructors’ vomit – thanks

6.      Good wrap up – thanks

7.      Better than prior version (improved) - thanks

BAM member –

1.      No written comments

2.      Much better, better focus - thanks

BLOG POST 176

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 176

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went up to 212; total word count up to 94.1 K, and percent went up to 73.0 percent.

Software to assist writers ---  Dragon, Naturally Speaking, one fellow authors’ experience – it became too hard to train it to learn to understand what she said. Another author uses a program which reads back his segments. He finds it helpful.

Computer problems … backups … recovery and last known configuration … Boot to SAFE MODE, then I selected  SYSTEM RESTORE, and selected a specific saved RESTORE POINT. It worked. I also ran clean disk, then disk check. Most recently I made a new CD of SYSTEM REPAIR data files.

Today’s’ critique session felt encouraging. I find the reviewers are most interested in action segments.

BAM 14 December 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Questioned spelling of Thach Weave – correct as written

3.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

4.      Questioned whether identification of F-5s meant F-4s – No, I chose and used two different aircraft

5.      Suggested rewording several sentences to shorten – thanks for suggestions

6.      Questioned reason for the Captain vomiting – the stress of aerial combat

7.      Remove reference to ballet steps – will consider

8.      Add sensory cues about low fuel state – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Liked that action was apparent – agree

3.      Reduce telling, increase showing – agree

4.      Suggested adding the instructors’ call sign he couldn’t pronounce – disagree, would be superfluous

5.      Emphasize the tension created by announcement of DEFCON ONE – agree, working

6.      Liked tension of request for missiles prior to flight – thanks

7.      Good chapter with plenty of realistic action – thanks

8.      Good description of fear and tension – thanks

9.      Really liked - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Much better (than last segment reviewed); good chapter – thanks

3.      Suggested adding the instructors’ call sign he couldn’t pronounce – disagree, would be superfluous

4.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

5.      Reduce usage of “unless” – agree

6.      Questioned multiple mentions of sweat soaked flight suits – needed to emphasize stress of combat and heat of desert

BAM member –

1.      Better sequences of action, tension – thanks

2.      Minor editorial changes – agree

3.      Too many words, details – will consider

4.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

5.      Change klaxon to siren - agree

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Questioned use of klaxon – agree

3.      Liked descriptions of tactics and when used – thanks

4.      I was able to follow chapter easily – thanks

5.      Very intense chapter; the dialogue and details are good – thanks

6.      The action is great; great chapter - thanks

7.      Questioned RJAF – identified as Royal Jordanian Air Force before

8.      Questioned RTB (Return To Base) - agree

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Suggested changing “exuded” – disagree

3.      Explain the Thach Weave – agree, working

4.      Suggested starting segment at declaration of DEFCON ONE – disagree, done before in prior segment. This was at base; but will elaborate about reaction on base

5.      Questioned what a SIDEARM was – disagree; identified earlier as radar homing missile

6.      Show how upsetting the low fuel alarm was – agree, working

7.      Questioned what was meant by jinn – a desert spirit, like a devil, genie

8.      Questioned whether at end whether pilot or instructor was the hero – agree, the young pilot

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Very good, easy to follow – thanks

3.      Fast paced, lots of action – thanks

4.      Lots of detail, smoothly introduced; liked the dogfight – thanks

5.      Liked the twist of blood in instructors’ vomit – thanks

6.      Good wrap up – thanks

7.      Better than prior version (improved) - thanks

BAM member –

1.      No written comments

2.      Much better, better focus - thanks

BLOG POST 175

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 175

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went down to 203; total word count up to 92.7 K, and percent went up to 72.0 percent.

Observations on today’s society – I recently attended a luncheon of the US Marines retired community. As I sat next to a retired Gunny, conversation turned to politics. This individual stated that if Vladimir Putin was running against Hillary Clinton he’d vote for Putin. Republican Presidential candidate has called for restricting entry to the US by all Muslims.

BAM 07 December 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Recommended more points of view, from diff angles – radar, gun sight, dialogue – agree, working

3.      Lessen telling, add more showing, fear, humanity, and sacrifice – agree, working

4.      Change “gee” to “g” – disagree

5.      Add meaning of Arabic word Hujum – agree – “attack”

6.      Remove list of RSAF air bases – agree

7.      You saved the attack for here; lots going on - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Liked that action was apparent – agree

3.      Reduce telling, increase showing – agree

4.      Liked simile of aircraft swarming like African bees – thanks

5.      Identity of EAGLE ONE was unclear – will improve. (It’s the AWACS.)

6.      This segment could have been exciting if used more dialogue … pilots ejecting, etc – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Suggested substitute “ministers” for “PM, DM, FM” – agree

3.      Liked section on relay of signals intercept being stopped by Chief of Staff – thanks

4.      Suggested removing sentences on description of planes being engines strapped to fuselage – agree

5.      Liked descriptions of African bees, demolition derby – thanks

6.      Questioned why detection by AWACS of enemy planes was important – motion vectors show the attack was coming to destroy it

7.      What does Hujum mean – Arabic for attack

8.      Questioned who is ACE – An ACE is a pilot with five enemy kills. Many stencil the symbols on plane’s fuselage

9.      Need to identify characters within the action to add humanity, personalize the story – agree (Add pilots name and his side.)

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Good, action packed – thanks

3.      Good visuals, but confused as to who is on which team – agree, working

4.      Increase use of dialogue – agree, working

5.      Strong transition to recognition of attack within Arabia – thanks

6.      Improve identity level of pilots – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Change “reek” to “wreck” – disagree, correct word used

3.      Questioned why order to start attack was given a week later – to allow for training and preparation

4.      Very detailed narrative of preparation and launch of an attack

5.      Dialogue would make the segment move faster, improve reader connection – agree

6.      Marked smiley face on paragraph briefly describing American response to unfolding attack – thanks

7.      Put a name to pilot in cockpit - agree

BAM member –

1.      Too many lists and detail – agree

2.      Too detached, mechanical – agree

3.      If stay with detached, mechanical, make into well greased machine – agree

4.      Minor editorial changes – agree

BAM member –

1.      Questioned whether “fighters” before takeoff were planes or people

2.      Very good use of powerful verbs – thanks

3.      Liked “pilots punctuating the clouds” – thanks 

BLOG POST 174

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 174

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went up to 204; total word count up to 91.0 K, and percent went up to  71.4 percent.

BAM 30 November 2015 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Good addition, but POV changes detract – agree, working

3.      Suggested President Ellington ask for list of options, then selects one – will consider

4.      At several points characters would not have seen or heard the inner dialogue, looks – agree, working

5.      Suggested changes to description of job and DC being a “bitch” – agree, working

6.      Suggested changing “This Commander-in-chief” to Ellington – disagree, that would leave three sentences with Ellington’s name

7.      Suggested rewrite of sentence referring to feelings of losing puppy – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Flow was much better, one of better efforts – thanks

2.      Asked identity of speaker at one part – agree, will identify

3.      Suggested eliminate use of adverbs – agree, working

4.      Suggested change of description of Lincoln – agree

5.      Suggested use name in place of job title – agree

6.      Suggested explain “untenable position” of Israelis – agree, working

7.      Questioned mention of inner dialogue about life insurance – disagree, used to emphasize O’Tooles concerns for war

8.      Suggested improving POV use – agree, working

9.      Minor editorial changes – agree

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial changes – agree

2.      Overall better than last segment reviewed - thanks

3.      Questioned underlining – agree, working

4.      Liked comparison of President Ellington to Lincoln – thanks

5.      Liked use of reference to astrologer – thanks

6.      Noted repetitive use of “the Saudis” – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Thought this segment had way better flow, really liked - thanks

2.      Parts have some tangents from story – agree, working

3.      More human, easier to follow – thanks

BAM member –

1.      Noted repetitive use of “the Saudis” – agree, working

2.      Liked phraseology, it gives body – thanks