BLOG POST 170

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 170

Process –  Progress as determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page count went to 172; total word count up to 85.2 K, and percent is around 61 percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain momentum.

I have formalized another blog - It will cover a detective series set locally in Virginia. The series, Moneys and Mayhem, will be written by Bernard Peckingham.  More later, folks.  

BAM 19 October 2015 critique comments

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes - working

2.       Suggested spell out TBD – disagree; commonly used acronym

3.       Suggested spell out CJCS, NSC, WHSR – disagree; defined in previous segments

4.       Unclear who was who, where threat was coming from – that was my intention

5.       Reinforcement of idea that “Peace Coalition” was not truly peaceful was reinforced by this segment, but it didn’t add to the story - that was my intention

BAM member  –

1.       Need to streamline the story with characters for a length of time – working, but dealing with diverse characters

2.       Minor editorial changes – agree

3.       Titles and acronyms are confusing – genre need

4.       Try focusing on fewer POVs to “see” and “feel” the scene – working

5.       Use names vice acronyms DCI, CJCS – will consider

6.       Questioned purpose of the Peace Coalition - that was my intention

7.       Suggested moving one paragraph earlier – will consider

8.       Suggested considering split of this segment into (1) POTUS (2) Air Force Two scenes (3) in region – will consider

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree, working

2.       Questioned describing US use of Embassy in Tel Aviv as visible show of neutrality- disagree; intention to convey US position in terms of goals of the Peace Coalition

3.       Questioned the end game here - that was my intention, to keep Peace Coalition, and reactions to it, vague

4.       Suggested removing mention of names of Turkish Prime Minister, Syrian President – agree

5.       Questioned usage/meaning of SECSTATE, CJCS, DCI - defined in previous segments

6.       Questioned use of PRESUS rather than POTUS – agree; changed

7.       Kind of a review of how things can go to hell fast - that was my intention

8.       Wasn’t completely lost – thanks

9.       Things (story) seems to be going to hell fast - that was my intention

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – agree

2.       Suggested “cry Uncle,” vice “call Uncle” - agree

3.       Too many acronyms; slow story down – genre and story, working

4.       Too much going on at once – my intention to portray action at the top (POTUS) in dealing with world crises

BAM member  –

1.       Minor editorial changes – working

2.       Questioned whether SECSTARE DeVries (3^rd paragraph) was Mel DeVries in 5^th paragraph – YES

3.       Within 5^th paragraph asked who “she” was, when the paragraph was Mel DeVries’ dialog – HMM!

4.       Used very personal tone in criticism about lack of sensory details – HMM!

5.       Lengthy diatribe about use of scenery; smell; hearing (sounds); taste – will consider

6.       Said the dialect was good – thanks

7.       Apparently forgot previous segments’ identification of characters, and acronyms

8.       Went too fast, slow the story down – will consider , but that was my intention

9.       The President doesn’t wear a uniform

BAM member  –

1.       Questioned meaning of PRESUS – President (of the) United States, commonly used term

2.       Reads well, good flow at beginning, then slows with details – working

3.       Maybe too much detail – agree, working

4.       Lots going on to keep straight – that’s life at the top (POTUS)

BAM member  –

1.       No written comments

2.       Lots of details ; I followed it – thanks

3.       Questioned who the target audience/genre was

4.       Thought average reader might get lost

BAM member  –

1.       No written comments

BAM member  –

1.       No written comments