Tessera
Trilogy Blog
Post 169
Process – Progress as
determined by page count, word count and percent stands as follows: total page
count went down to 169; total word count up to 92.1 K, and percent is about 65
percent. I continue to work several review segments simultaneously to maintain
momentum.
I have formalized another blog - It will cover a
detective series set locally in Virginia. The series, Moneys and Mayhem, will
be written by Bernard Peckingham. More
later, folks.
Completed reading David Baldacci’s Zero
Day.
BAM 19 October 2015 critique comments
BAM member –
1.
Minor editorial changes -
working
2.
Suggested spell out TBD – disagree; commonly used acronym
3.
Suggested spell out CJCS,
NSC, WHSR – disagree; defined
in previous segments
4.
Unclear who was who, where
threat was coming from – that was my intention
5.
Reinforcement of idea that
“Peace Coalition” was not truly peaceful was reinforced by this segment, but it
didn’t add to the story - that was my intention
BAM member –
1.
Need to streamline the
story with characters for a length of time – working, but dealing with diverse
characters
2.
Minor editorial changes –
agree
3.
Titles and acronyms are
confusing – genre need
4.
Try focusing on fewer POVs
to “see” and “feel” the scene – working
5.
Use names vice acronyms
DCI, CJCS – will consider
6.
Questioned purpose of the
Peace Coalition - that was my intention
7.
Suggested moving one
paragraph earlier – will consider
8.
Suggested considering split
of this segment into (1) POTUS (2) Air Force Two scenes (3) in region – will
consider
BAM member –
1.
Minor editorial changes –
agree, working
2.
Questioned describing US
use of Embassy in Tel Aviv as visible show of neutrality- disagree; intention to convey
US position in terms of goals of the Peace Coalition
3.
Questioned the end game
here - that was my intention, to keep Peace Coalition, and reactions to it,
vague
4.
Suggested removing mention
of names of Turkish Prime Minister, Syrian President – agree
5.
Questioned usage/meaning of
SECSTATE, CJCS, DCI - defined in previous segments
6.
Questioned use of PRESUS
rather than POTUS – agree; changed
7.
Kind of a review of how
things can go to hell fast - that was my intention
8.
Wasn’t completely lost –
thanks
9.
Things (story) seems to be
going to hell fast - that was my intention
BAM member –
1.
Minor editorial changes –
agree
2.
Suggested “cry Uncle,” vice
“call Uncle” - agree
3.
Too many acronyms; slow
story down – genre and story, working
4.
Too much going on at once –
my intention to portray action at the top (POTUS) in dealing with world crises
BAM member –
1.
Minor editorial changes –
working
2.
Questioned whether SECSTARE
DeVries (3rd paragraph) was Mel DeVries in 5th paragraph
– YES
3.
Within 5th
paragraph asked who “she” was, when the paragraph was Mel DeVries’ dialog –
HMM!
4.
Used very personal tone in
criticism about lack of sensory details – HMM!
5.
Lengthy diatribe about use
of scenery; smell; hearing (sounds); taste – will consider
6.
Said the dialect was good –
thanks
7.
Apparently forgot previous
segments’ identification of characters, and acronyms
8.
Went too fast, slow the
story down – will consider , but that was my intention
9.
The President doesn’t wear
a uniform
BAM member –
1.
Questioned meaning of
PRESUS – President (of the) United States, commonly used term
2.
Reads well, good flow at
beginning, then slows with details – working
3.
Maybe too much detail –
agree, working
4.
Lots going on to keep
straight – that’s life at the top (POTUS)
BAM member –
1.
No written comments
2.
Lots of details ; I
followed it – thanks
3.
Questioned who the target
audience/genre was
4.
Thought average reader
might get lost
BAM member –
1.
No written comments
BAM member –
1.
No written comments
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