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Thursday, December 25, 2014

BLOG POST 136

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 136

I expect that very few, or none, of you will read this blog post, so I can say pretty much what I want to. Most of my time of late has not been consumed with writing, but with the everyday distractions of life.

Writers Group meeting - At the 13 December writers group gathering there was plenty of food, non-alcoholic drinks, and cookies, cakes and pies. Music set the mood, several songs song by musician members, and a group sing-a-long was enjoyed. Readings also were part of the event and I read a parody of Twas the night before Christmas. Fun was had by all – and there were no calories.
Root for the Home Team! Prospective successes were suggested based on scheduled “Local Author in the Lobby” events scheduled at two successive branch libraries on 03 January and 18 January 2015. I hope to sell CDs with my first two novels on them.  I continue to campaign with local writer groups and authors about the lack of local author support by our local library system. While the library spends $10,000.00 a year on eBooks, only one of its 73,000 eBooks is by a local author. For those eBook authors in our neck of the woods that is a damning fact that disproves local library support of local eBook authors. 

UMW Alumni gathering - I went to a University of Mary Washington event in Fredericksburg, VA – to network. Among the evening’s events was a wrapped goofy gift exchange. I brought a CD with my first novels on it, double wrapped. A wonderful woman thanked me several times when all was over and I described to her the contents of her present – my novels. Her photo is on my Facebook page.

Future detective series - As part of research into a future detective based series I’ve begun reading the grand jury transcripts from the Ferguson Missouri death of an unarmed black by a white officer. I’m looking at the procedures involved and the effort is proving very instructive. Stay tuned for Payroll Deductions – in about 2019.

 “Don’t you ever forget how you made this stuff (Mac and cheese).” Nancy P. Gerhard-Rowe, my wife, said this in December 2014 as a compliment to my cooking skills.

Major distraction - One of the big distractions to my writing bears sharing. Researchers occasionally come across a story which is so compelling, so gripping and real that it overshadows and captures the moment. One such story came to light recently, one that shattered the image of a person of some family stature. The facts in that story, in those documents, shined a spotlight on the clay feet of that individual.

Those documents uncovered a true story that was breathtaking, surreal. Things were not what they appeared. There had been a hint to this real truth. The documents in question had been legally kept from view by some mysterious unnamed person.  One could surmise from reading the designation of ‘confidential’ that there something was amiss, that if the story of those documents became public there would be some consequence. The fact that those documents were, upon request for them, officially termed “confidential” and therefore “cannot be disclosed” sat for almost twenty years amongst the cobwebs of my mind.

Recently those documents were requested again, and after spending a small amount for stamps, envelopes, and a $5.00 copying fee, they came through the mail. I felt blessed, but shocked by what those documents revealed. They were the perfect basis for a prize winning novel. The documents dripped with drama, deceit, love, rejection, fear, hatred, and compassion, a struggle for money, image, and control. There was a “bad woman,” “women of ill repute,” and a home wrecker who was put “in trouble.” The facts addressed an inheritance stolen, and a crippled woman defrauded of a huge sum of money. The story included a mother beaten in front of her children and threatened with death.  There were lawyers and orders to show cause, hearings and witness statements, all in a tone and in an age before women could even vote – and the wife filed for the divorce.

The story was perfect with non-fiction as the genre, but its elements, characters, and setting were the stuff of fiction. It has been said that truth is stranger than fiction. This was the case. The outcome was not what one could envision in terms of a story told on the Hallmark Channel. There was not the redemption of a Scrooge character, nor any expectation of warm background music. This was a dark story, rending a family asunder. A family with four children was traumatized. One of the children testified as a witness in these WWI years, in a rural small town in an eastern American state.

I felt I had to share the story, or parts of it. I had to decide who to tell, and who not to tell. I decided some few should be told; others who had too much invested in the status quo I decided could not be told. There might yet remain some living individuals who had been involved in getting those documents designated “confidential” and “cannot be disclosed.”

Yet the documents were factual, facts in a legal sense. There were also very messy, out of character for the times they occurred in, and could be considered controversial and inflammatory by those who had heard quite a different story. Yet here were facts, the legalistic summary of a family torn asunder.
I’ll have to spend time analyzing these facts, trying to discover or guess what other unnamed witnesses were called, what they said based on what they saw or heard. Perhaps it is the stuff of another book, or several. And the question they raised remains – Does the apple fall far from the tree?


As of 09 December 2014 Kashan Kashmeeri stands at 160 pages, 80K words. Much work ahead.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Blog post 135

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 135
BAM 08 December 2014 critique comments
BAM critique member  –
1.       OK, realistic conversations – agree
2.       Still does not like that Anh does not show an accent – disagree, my characters, story
3.       Uncertain about Amir “soon he’ll be a handful” - disagree, Amir and Munirah have daughter
4.       Liked paragraph describing troubles with new baby – agree
5.       Said ‘nice paragraph, but then noted – “yawn” – conflicted notes???

BAM critique member  –
        1.  Good, but where is the plot – disagree, James Michener took hundreds of pages to set scene
        2.  Minor editorial changes – agree
        3. Asked if the (characters) were using ‘yackety yack’ – disagree, others enjoyed.
        4.  Suggested identifying who was speaking at page three – agree
        5.  Suggested identifying example of prior bad flight experience – agree, working

BAM critique member  –
1.       Confused as to whether novel is action novel or domestic bliss expose – disagree, will evolve
2.       Wants to read, hear of what sorts of things Saud princes did to get in trouble – agree, working
3.       Thought some of dialogue was “too inside the beltway” – disagree
4.       Waiting for action – agree, working

BAM critique member  –
        1. Characters too abstract – working
        2.  Reveal, describe characters more quickly – working
        3.  Minor editorial suggestions – agree and disagree
        4.  Clarify use of “coastal” air near airport – agree
        5.  Clarify use of OUTUS – agree

BAM critique member  –
1.       Suggested change reference to “people are starving in Chine’ – disagree, refers to previous
Childhood comment from Tooley’s Daa (father)
        2.  Minor editorial changes – agree
        3.  Suggested spell out USEMB as embassy – agree
        4.  Suggested improve “dirty diaper pail” analogy – agree, working

BAM critique member  –
1.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree
2.       Loved use of ‘baboo’ – agree
3.       Thought use of ‘yackety yack’ was cute – agree
4.       Suggested identifying speakers on page two - agree

BAM critique member  –
1.       Asked about previous bad flight experience – agree, working
2.       Liked conversations, but asked if they moved the story along – disagree
3.       Suggested changing “up” to “in the upright position”– disagree; comparable to yada yada
4.       Asked where the story is going – stay tuned
5.       Liked last paragraph, except first sentence (“dirty diaper pail” analogy) agree, working
6.       Suggested describing previous bad aircraft experience – agree, working

BAM critique member  –
1.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree
2.       Questioned ‘coastal’ air mass at altitude – agree
3.       Questioned use of ‘tour’ to describe assignment – disagree; former USN and now CIA


Author James Michener wrote many novels. Among them were Hawaii, Chesapeake, Poland, and others with lengthy narrative parts leading to the action portions. His love of narrative led not to dumb stories, the parts were actually the underlying interconnected stories of love and life. We only need to see and feel the pieces to enjoy.  This encapsulates my feelings about balancing narrative with dialogue, storytelling with character led action dialogue. Since I am not in this writing novel business to make money I can write as I see fits the need, as every author worthy of self respect has done. 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Blog Post 134

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Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 134
The working draft stands at 154 pages, with over 30 having been reviewed/critiqued at this point. There seems a lot to be done, and truth be told most of the rest has serious revisions to be done. A good portion is very dramatic, action dialogue which needs just a tweak to be accurate tactically. With a projected publication date a year away I feel getting a final novel ready is doable. 

The process continues to be taking segments of five or less minute reading time to either the writers group or the informal Books A Million sessions. I continue to find some of the reviewers like a particular aspect of the segments (say dialogue, description of setting) while others pan them. In either case the revised segment, as read, gives perhaps the best feel for its final acceptability to potential readers.

The Lake of the Woods (LOW) Book Fair in late October didn’t work well; the potential customers were older and clearly not interested in reading an eBook. I’ll have to identify and connect with a younger crowd – age or attitude – to succeed.

The Culpeper Library Local author’s event two weeks later went pretty much the same way, although each author got to introduce him/herself. No sales of my CDs with first two novels for watache.
The Porter Branch reception for Local authors in early November went better. I sold one CD with the first two novels, and captured a number of author business cards and suggested they join RWG.

I met a WWII vet who served on USS Antietam (CV 11). He said he experienced two kamikaze attacks that were so horrific that the CO ordered Abandon Ship. The crew refused to leave, saved the ship, and the rest they say is history. My older brother Dave later (1960s) served on Antietam in the Med.

            BAM 17 November 2014 critique comments
BAM critique member  –
1.       Nicely done – agree
2.       Good phrasing describing Paris - agree

BAM critique member  – 
No written comments
1.       Good flow - agree
2.       Made too great mention of getting to Paris - working

BAM critique member  –
Dialogue very good – agree
Paris reference drags a little – working
Suggested incorporating tension, drama – working
Suggested minor editorial changes – agree

BAM critique member  -
1.       Good banter between newlywed couple – agree
2.       It felt like the ‘Americanization of Anh’ – difficult character to portray
3.       Needs tension, anxiety or hint about coming drama - working

BAM critique member  –
1.       Good domestic scene of husband-wife  banter –
2.       The banter introduced info – agree
3.       Good job – agree
4.       I felt the love - thanks

BAM critique member  –
1.       Liked banter between couple –agree
2.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree
3.       Suggested putting singing in italics – agree
4.       The back and forth dialogue, playfulness, and smart aleck remarks makes reading flow smoothly- agree
5.       Didn’t understand the title – disagree

BAM critique member  –
1.       Asked whether we knew meaning of terms gumshoes, spooks - working
2.       Suggested spelling out CBS at first use – agree
3.       The newlywed dialogue works well – agree
4.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree

5.       Suggested lead in before mention of Amir’s job - agree

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Blog Post 133

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 133
Have been thinking about which efforts are most valuable in terms of focus and ‘at the moment action.’ Should I concentrate on preparing segments for RWG review and continue to refine the characters, plot, and timeline of action in Kashan Kashmeeri … or should I research and try to capitalize on e-marketing avenues?

Should I concentrate on recycling bicycles and computers for the local refugee community? These questions are rhetorical, as I seriously doubt any of you out there care one wit. It’s hard enough to even get my children or stepchildren to read, let alone respond to emails. Must be a generational thing. Should I even say this … will they read it and get upset? Doubt it! A bit of frustration just came out.

On the e-marketing side I’ve revised my Yahoo and Gmail email signature blocks based on the suggestions of a recent Riverside Writers Group guest lecturer/author signature. I’ve also joined a writers group titled Book Blogs – http://bookblogs.ning.com/ , and the indie writer support group - http://indiewritersupport.com. Will have to see what if anything develops out of these attempts. I plan to broach the subject of not being able to give FREE copies of my novels to public libraries. I can’t believe how stupid that sounds … libraries not accepting free books.

As an alternate marketing approach, based on a suggestion from a fellow RWG member, I burned CDs with copies of my first two novels and made them available at theannual Parade of Prose.   
At the recent RWG meeting I actually sold a CD with Golden Gate and Sooley Base burned as PDF files. See https://www.scribd.com/book/196782721/Sooley-Base and http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/golden-gate-dp-tolan/1108014956?ean=9781618427670

Things looking up. I’m about to participate in a Lake of the Woods (LOW) Authors’ Book Fair https://www.lowa.org/Lake-Living/Clubs.aspx , a similar event at the Culpeper County Library, and a similar Local Authors event at the Porter Branch http://www.librarypoint.org/porter of the Central Rappahannock Regional Library (CRRL) system.

From the LOW Book Fair several ideas synthesized. Audio books require an investment of at least $2500.00 according to a fellow writer, unless you personally record the book. Amazon apparently has an audio books division and rumor has it if an author has audio files will market it free, and provide 70% royalties. There are several free audio recording software programs and this might be a future marketing idea … given enough time. Second edition versions of both novels would be required. Another idea that sprang forth was to take a Nook, with the two novels on it, to future Book Fairs to show how easy it is to read them.

I’ve friended several RWG guest speakers also, and one, Kimba Dalferes, responded and provided invaluable tips to improve my blog’s utility, and ideas to improve my evolving email signature. http://indiewritersupport.com/profile/KimberlyKimbaDalferes Thanks Kimba.

Another segment was critiqued at a Books A Million review meeting 20 October 2014. The comments are shown below as part of the writing process.
BAM reviewer –
1.       We (readers) can see the scenes – agree
2.       Minor editorial changes – agree
3.       Use of ‘spouse’, vice bride, in announcement seems phony – agree
4.       Questioned Anh having no accent, poor English – disagree; covered in previous segment
5.       Questioned whether Romans conquered Ireland – agree, but Celtic/Irish tribes fought the Romans in Wales – (see Golden Gate)

BAM reviewer – no written comments
1.       Finally got the marriage over with – agree
2.       Change ‘spouse’ to wife or bride – agree

BAM reviewer –
3.       Felt I was skimming surface of story, suggested more tension – agree
4.       Clear, covers lots of ground – literally – agree
5.       Increase tension, plot – agree, working

BAM reviewer -
1.       Suggested spell out VN – agree
2.       Asked where B&B cottage was – disagree; to remain a mystery (County Meath)
3.       Make a connection/link to perils – agree
4.       Big gap between first mention of finances and discussion – agree
5.       Suggested use ‘monochromatic’ vice brown to describe Saudi Arabia – disagree
6.       Rewrite “You’ve got that right” as confusing – agree, working
7.       Good dialogue on page 3 - agree

BAM reviewer –
1.       Minor editorial changes – agree
2.       Suggested spell out PDA – agree
3.       Not exciting enough – conflicted; it’s a wedding
4.       Anh too American – disagree; grew up in California

BAM reviewer –
1.       Suggested describe meal – working
2.       Suggested minor editorial changes – agree
3.       Suggested describe ‘medieval’ character of banquet – agree
4.       Enjoyed humorous parts – agree
5.       Liked flow – agree
6.       Add more color, flavor to ceremony – agree; working
7.       Reword ‘garter retrieval’ - agree

BAM reviewer –
1.       Enjoyed descriptions of environment and ethnic background – agree
2.       Increase or improve dialogue – agree, working
3.       Questioned Saudi man shaking a woman’s hand – conflicted, but explained in words
4.       Liked way religious police custom was shown - agree

BAM reviewer –
5.       Questioned whether this was friction – dunno how to address this. I said it was in part creative fiction
6.       Liked the humor – agree
7.       Minor punctuation suggestions – agree
8.       Liked description of Ireland – agree
9.       Suggested greater expansion of Saudi cultural differences – agree
10.   Suggested spell out PDA and VN - agree

BAM reviewer – no written comments
1.       Asked why identified Best Man and Maid of Honor again – agree
2.       Feels like you’re setting things up, but leaving enough detail to pull reader in - agree

BAM reviewer -
1.       Questioned whether Catholic Priest and Buddhist monk would share a wedding – disagree
2.       Asked why identified Best Man and Maid of Honor again – agree
3.       Excellent story, reads well  - agree
4.       Make better connection to purpose – agree, working


http://www.archaeologyuk.org/ba/ba14/BA14FEAT.HTML - The question of Romans in Ireland continues to be debated. 

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Blog Post 132

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 132
       October RWG meeting Open Mike and Flash Fiction reception
No written comments were taken, but the audience response was very positive, and in the Flash Fiction category I took fifth and sixth places.  My readings were all comedic, and were a solution to writers block … and a need to do something different.  The two Flash Fiction readings follow:
War Bond Drive
I’ve taken my ideas, my characters, the settings, the actions, the intrigue - from real and imaginary life. One story survived from an older first cousin, Frank. He served at the Battle of the Bulge, probably as a result of this incident. He was the assigned driver for Captain Henry ‘Hanz’ Rittershoffer as he went through our country on a WWII War Bond drive. Hanz served in the Hat in the Ring Squadron in WWI with American Ace Eddie Rickenbacker  ... Hanz an Ace also.

There was a brief introduction on the stage of a small Episcopal seminary near Mobile, followed by gentile applause from the ladies in their day dresses lounged in the front. It was an all lady lecture today, the men away at war or the mills, shops, or factories.

He began by telling them he’d share how it was to live through it all, then said he’d end by telling of a very thrilling encounter.

He described at length the airfields in France, of flying back to his base, low … struggling to find where it was at times by following a road or from the lingering direction of the sun’s glow. He told of tents, cotton cots, mess hall meals, smelly latrines and other features which lingered live in his memory.

He next described the aeroplanes he flew, bi wings with guy wires and wooden struts, and fragile fabric covered wings. He noted that all had smaller engines with much less horsepower than the cars they drove to this War Bond Drive.

After twenty minutes of memories he recounted, as promised, a squadron aerial encounter. “It was with the squadron of the German Red Baron, Manfred Von Richtoffen. We flew our biplanes out of the fog in line abreast and encountered them over battlefields above eastern France. It was an ominous sight which made our blood run cold. There were Fokkers to our right, left, above, and below. The sky was dark with Fokkers.”

My cousin abruptly took the microphone and spoke. “I apologize ladies for what might seem crude remarks. Let me explain. Fokkers are a type of German aircraft.”

Captain Rittershoffer grabbed the mike back … and spoke. “Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts.” 
  
Sitting Ducks
 … by DP Tolan

The sky above provided the barest of light
Few stars saw what came, or what went
There were just two trails lead to where we crouched
One sleeping, one watching

Water waited nearby, a stream burbled with nature’s laughter
Beyond the leaves of a tree, a green light now flashed, unwelcome.
I saw movement there, below and to the right
It was not a small creature, not one with four legs

The figures bent, carrying something in their arms
They wore hats, and by the light I saw they wore
Clothes which blended into the leaves and brush
I could detect no scent, the wind at our backs

My chest thumped, nerves racing
My heart rate edged upwards with fear

It was felt this was a place where confrontation, even death stalked
I knew Rules of Engagement applied here … but
We were here first
It is our place. We control it … for now

We must reposition … silently, swiftly
We can move without being detected
Before they approach and detect us
What are their intentions?

My eyes scanned for further motion, there was none.
Their voices sounded, softly, clashing with the night’s silence
A twig broke … and we knew these were not creatures, but enemies
‘They’ moved closer … our pulses quickened
    
We rose, sprang forth
I sounded an alarm, signaling others that ‘they’ were near

Quack, Quack!   


Besides loud applause and audience smiles, four RWG members approached me after my performances and said very nice things about them. I gave a five minute, standup comedy routing for the Open Mike event, equally well received.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Blog Post 131

Sales of Sooley Base have again jumped.

Another critique session at Books-A-Million provided the following suggestions:

BAM member –
1. Indent paragraphs - agree
2.  No wrong touches; well written – agree
3.  Suggested minor wording and punctuation changes – agree
4.  Interesting, well written, well phrased – agree
5.  Liked emphasis on Jedi’s versus cousins – agree
6.  Good camaraderie of characters – agree
7.  Increase mystic relevance of ‘cousins’ - agree

BAM member –
1.   Enjoyed story and conversations – agree
2.  Suggested minor wording changes – agree
3.  Surprised wedding occurred so quickly – disagree
4.  Lost on ‘cousins’ – working

BAM member –
                1.  Suggested wording change - agree
                2.  Identify the respective wars of vets – working
                3.  Narrow focus o0f memories to one character – working
                4.  Doesn’t ‘get’ the ‘cousins’ thing – working
                5.  Well written - agree

BAM member –
                1.  Identify speakers to improve dialogue - working
                2.  Suggested wording changes - agree
                3.  Asked what “Arshlock” meant – agree; will include context
                4.  Suggested paragraph change - agree

BAM member –
                1.  Good flow and conversations – agree
                2.  Associates with brother Evan - OK
                3.  Still not clear about the ‘cousins’ – agree; working
                4.  Liked the dialogue – agree
                5.  Suggested changes to clarify about the guards – agree
                6.  A little lost with military jargon – disagree; required in genre
                7.  Suggested making WC Fields quote a part of dialogue - agree

BAM member –
                1.  Reduce telling, increase showing - agree
                2.  Disliked use of cliché ‘until the cows come home’ – disagree
                3.  Suggested a wording change - agree
                4.  ‘Cousins’ thing is weird – disagree; will evolve
                5.  First page showed good camaraderie – agree
                6.  Suggested I sing the chorus better – can’t
                7.  Identify speakers better – agree
                8.  Well written - agree

BAM member –
                1.  Specific market evident (military male) – agree
                2.  Very detailed, enjoyable read - agree
                3.  Good, fast moving dialogue - agree
                4.  Clear, realistic read - agree


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Blog Post 130

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 130

The working draft of Kashan Kashmeeri now stands at 144 pages, 73K word count.

The Books A Million (BAM) critique group met on 22 September. The following suggestions were received:

BAM member  –
1. Uncertain if ‘cousins’ are interest or a factor in story – disagree; will evolve
2.  Liked use of asshole and ‘bless his heart’ – agree
3.  Talk between main characters and their emotions good – agree
4.  Well done, good writing – agree
5.  The happiness of Anh and Tooley comes over well – agree
6.  Suggested change ‘expected attendees’ to ‘guests’ - agree

BAM member  –
1. No written comments
2.  Enjoyed story and conversations – agree
3.  “Bro’ used too much – will consider

BAM member  –
                1.  Good dialogue – agree
                2.  Increase the tension, conflict – agree; working (this is a slow part of story)
                3.  Suggested a word change - agree

BAM member  –
                1.  Acknowledged female and male character writing styles – agree
                2.  Good conversations, dialogue between characters – agree
                3.  Wants to know where ‘cousins’ talk is going – disagree; it’ll happen

BAM member  –
                1.  Good flow and conversations – agree
                2.  Did not associate Anh as an immigrant – disagree; covered before
                3.  Enjoyed cultural references and details – agree
                4.  Questioned need to ‘agree to a (cab) fare – disagree; customary when multiple passengers
                                share a cab
                5.  Disagreed with underlining ‘Mutaawah – disagree; emphasis by female character
                6.  Enjoyed use of ‘didn’t even have to train him’ - agree

BAM member  –
                1.  Lots of Arabic culture  - agree
                2.  Misses more action, progression – agree; working
                3.  Too many exclamations used – agree; working
                4.  ‘Cousins’ thing is weird – disagree; will evolve
                5.  Why was ‘Mutaawah’ underlined – disagree; emphasis by female character
                6.  Suggested minor punctuation change - agree

BAM member  –
                1.  Good writing and story – agree
                2.  Moved too slowly – working, but is a slow part of novel
                3.  ‘Cousins’ not clear as to use – disagree; will evolve
                4.  Names mentioned too often – disagree

BAM member  –
                1.  Didn’t ‘get’ cousins discussion – disagree; will evolve
                2.  Wanted to know the setting – disagree; covered earlier (Arabia, Bahrain)
                3.  Good cultural scenes (He was in Arabia one year) – agree
                4.  Well written – agree
                5.  Unbold several abbreviations – agree

                6.  Excellent - agree 

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Blog Post 129

While “following” the Fredericksburg Writers Group blog to keep abreast of local writers and ideas, and similarly with the LinkedIn Book Marketing group I found that the former is not of any help, while the latter is informative, but mainly helps other authors selling their novels. I found review of marketing techniques helpful, but of limited use to this writer marketing his eBooks. A local writers group, which advertised an authors’ gathering quickly turned unproductive when the fine print revealed only authors of hard copy works were invited.

Another bit of progress on Kashan Kashmeeri has made its way into the novel. This is rough and I expect it to change over the next several days. As part of DP Tolan’s writing process the author has put together a listing of the characters major, minor and throwaway. Additionally the largest segment of the working draft, which covers the whole novel plus place holders for needed characters dialogue, action and interactions known to be needed but not yet structured in more than concept stage, will be merged with additions which give preliminary form to the missing parts.

As part of the process the needed segments are identified, in both the working draft and the additions segment by headers which are substantially larger in font size, and are bolded and highlighted. This allows a easy search for the headers, insertion of the additions, and rewrite of the combined areas into a better whole product. The progress of these two working segments stands at 74K and 145 pages as merged.

Distraction of a trip to Nova Scotia, where my wife’s maternal ancestors immigrated to.

I approached a librarian at a public library in Halifax, Nova Scotia, to offer free copies of my novels. It appears that Canada uses the same eBook franchisees to host eBooks in their libraries. I could not even give them my novels free of charge.

Lake of the Woods Authors Book Fair was held locally. Eight fellow members of the Riverside Writers Group described their books, offering tips on writing, and a local author Suzi Weinert, a new RWG member, discussed her book. She wrote Garage Sale Stalker, which was made into a Hallmark TV movie that premiered last September.

The September 2014 monthly RWG meeting was well attended and the critique session provided the following suggestions on Kashan Kashmeeri:

RWG member –
1.       Thought a bog improvement over style of previous novels – agree
2.       Suggested better identification of speakers – agree to a degree
3.       Minor sentence changes – agree
4.       Liked description of rugs and cell phones – agree
5.       Questioned validity of range of DNA analysis – disagree; fictional work
6.       Described several paragraphs as ‘good writing’ – agree
7.       Liked use of Tin Man and not being in Kansas - agree

RWG member –
1.       Loved the description of jeweled cell phones – agree
2.        Suggested changing GYN/obstetrics to pre-natal – agree
3.       Confused with who were characters – disagree; covered in previous chapters
4.       Thought the scenes were interesting – agree
5.       Suggested making ‘distant past’ more defined – disagree; part of earlier discussion
6.       Minor punctuation changes – agree
7.       7. Questioned use of very detailed DNA testing – disagree; explained in earlier chapters

RWG member –
1.       Confused with who were characters – disagree; covered in previous chapters
2.       Uncertain of sarcasm of phlebotomist’s remarks – disagree; clear to other reviewers

RWG member –
1.       Liked the color of images - agree
2.       Uncertain as to ‘prescription’ of water vs drinking by phlebotomist  - disagree; clear to other reviewers
3.       No written comments



A marketing scheme under consideration – bundle and sell all three novels of The Tessera Trilogy (Golden Gate, Sooley Base, and Kashan Kashmeeri) together for a lower price. 

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Blog Post 128

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 128

Am “Following” the Fredericksburg Writers Group blog - http://fredericksburgwritersgroup.wordpress.com/ to keep abreast of local writers and ideas, and became a member of the LinkedIn Book Marketing group… https://www.linkedin.com/nhome/?trk=hb_signin . It’s too soon to say if these will be of benefit.

Another segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed at a Books-A-Million critique session. 

BAM members provided critiques of the segment as follows:

BAM member -
1.       Lots of details on setting, few on characters – agree; working
2.       Say more about the women – agree
3.       Stress Anh being pregnant – agree
4.       Have Munirah ask Anh how far along is she – agree
5.       Correct POV shifts – agree
6.       Have Anh and Munirah shared common interests, concerns – agree
7.       Clarify the “not Mecca” – agree
8.       Reduce use of narrative – agree
9.       Several suggestions on sentences – agree; working
10.   Reword “swept his hand horizontally” – agree; working
11.   Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering

BAM member -
1.       Unfamiliar with “revetment”  – disagree; standard military terminology
2.       Clarify mention of “Michael’s (rug)” – agree
3.       Clarify Anh’s thinking on anxiety about being Asian – agree; working
4.       Reconsider use of “deep internal bluish brilliance (on diamond) – agree
5.       Good details of setting – agree
6.       Questioned use of mention of men being from Mars – agree
7.       Convert  “Anh quickly making a pact” to a sentence – agree
8.       Minor punctuation suggestions – will consider

BAM member - no written comments
1.       Knows of woman who lived underground in KOSA, said most Saudis do – untrue
2.       Female characters were too cautious in talking – agree

BAM member –
1.        Your female lead is rough, strong sexual – not sure where leading – agree
2.       Correct POV problem on page two – agree
3.       Clarify why Tooley and Anh went to Ubaidi’s – agree; working
4.       Explain the competitiveness of female characters – agree; working
5.       Liked description of underground home setting - agree
6.       Numerous sentence suggestions – agree; working
7.       Reword “swept his hand horizontally” – agree; working
8.       Restructure several areas to be new paragraphs – agree
9.       Have Munirah talk of “deep internal bluish brilliance (on diamond) – agree
10.   Questioned existence of Baskin-Robbins franchise in Arabia – disagree; it was there
11.   Liked use of comparing a Bentley to a camel – agree
12.   Explain the meaning of incense smoke – agree; working
13.   Explain “their” post graduate studies – disagree; included elsewhere
14.   Add graphic to show change of scene  from meal – agree; working
15.   Explain why Anh rose as Tooley rushed to her – agree; working
16.   Clarify Fadia’s age – agree
17.   Liked the exotic setting- agree

BAM member –
1.       Spell coos-coos as cous-cous – agree
2.       Stress how female characters are checking out initial meeting and feelings of it – agree
3.       Suggested rewording sentence about Amir’s net worth – will consider
4.       Minor sentence suggestions – agree; working
5.      Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering

BAM member –
1.       Clarify mention of “Michael’s (rug)” – agree
2.       Reference to Dorothy Hamill hairstyle too obscure – agree; working
3.       Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering
4.       Use of “tiny bursts of light like creepy crawlies” awkward – agree; working
5.       Unfamiliar with “revetment”  – disagree; standard military terminology
6.       Minor punctuation suggestions – agree
7.       Clarify POV shifts – agree
8.       Questioned use of mention of men being from Mars – agree
9.       Interesting description of the Ubaidi home - agree

Several cultural insights into whether wives of Saudi friends remained veiled or in separate rooms during dinner with friends, and about alcohol use were shared.


The August meeting of the Riverside Writers Group will feature an Open Mike format.  I anticipate reading (and just observing an audience reaction to) several segments.