Blog Post 131

Sales of Sooley Base have again jumped.

Another critique session at Books-A-Million provided the following suggestions:

BAM member –

1. Indent paragraphs - agree

2.  No wrong touches; well written – agree

3.  Suggested minor wording and punctuation changes – agree

4.  Interesting, well written, well phrased – agree

5.  Liked emphasis on Jedi’s versus cousins – agree

6.  Good camaraderie of characters – agree

7.  Increase mystic relevance of ‘cousins’ - agree

BAM member –

1.   Enjoyed story and conversations – agree

2.  Suggested minor wording changes – agree

3.  Surprised wedding occurred so quickly – disagree

4.  Lost on ‘cousins’ – working

BAM member –

                1.  Suggested wording change - agree

                2.  Identify the respective wars of vets – working

                3.  Narrow focus o0f memories to one character – working

                4.  Doesn’t ‘get’ the ‘cousins’ thing – working

                5.  Well written - agree

BAM member –

                1.  Identify speakers to improve dialogue - working

                2.  Suggested wording changes - agree

                3.  Asked what “Arshlock” meant – agree; will include context

                4.  Suggested paragraph change - agree

BAM member –

                1.  Good flow and conversations – agree

                2.  Associates with brother Evan - OK

                3.  Still not clear about the ‘cousins’ – agree; working

                4.  Liked the dialogue – agree

                5.  Suggested changes to clarify about the guards – agree

                6.  A little lost with military jargon – disagree; required in genre

                7.  Suggested making WC Fields quote a part of dialogue - agree

BAM member –

                1.  Reduce telling, increase showing - agree

                2.  Disliked use of cliché ‘until the cows come home’ – disagree

                3.  Suggested a wording change - agree

                4.  ‘Cousins’ thing is weird – disagree; will evolve

                5.  First page showed good camaraderie – agree

                6.  Suggested I sing the chorus better – can’t

                7.  Identify speakers better – agree

                8.  Well written - agree

BAM member –

                1.  Specific market evident (military male) – agree

                2.  Very detailed, enjoyable read - agree

                3.  Good, fast moving dialogue - agree

                4.  Clear, realistic read - agree