Tessera Trilogy
Blog post 130
The working draft of Kashan
Kashmeeri now stands at 144 pages, 73K word count.
The Books A Million (BAM) critique
group met on 22 September. The following suggestions were received:
BAM member –
1. Uncertain if ‘cousins’ are interest or a factor in
story – disagree; will
evolve
2. Liked use of
asshole and ‘bless his heart’ – agree
3. Talk between
main characters and their emotions good – agree
4. Well done,
good writing – agree
5. The
happiness of Anh and Tooley comes over well – agree
6. Suggested
change ‘expected attendees’ to ‘guests’ - agree
BAM member –
1. No written comments
2. Enjoyed
story and conversations – agree
3. “Bro’ used
too much – will consider
BAM member –
1.
Good dialogue – agree
2. Increase the tension, conflict – agree;
working (this is a slow part of story)
3. Suggested a word change - agree
BAM member –
1. Acknowledged female and male character writing
styles – agree
2. Good conversations, dialogue between
characters – agree
3. Wants to know where ‘cousins’ talk is going –
disagree; it’ll happen
BAM member –
1. Good flow and conversations – agree
2. Did not associate Anh as an immigrant – disagree; covered before
3. Enjoyed cultural references and details –
agree
4. Questioned need to ‘agree to a (cab) fare – disagree; customary when
multiple passengers
share
a cab
5. Disagreed with underlining ‘Mutaawah – disagree; emphasis by female
character
6. Enjoyed use of ‘didn’t even have to train
him’ - agree
BAM member –
1. Lots of Arabic culture - agree
2. Misses more action, progression – agree;
working
3. Too many exclamations used – agree; working
4. ‘Cousins’ thing is weird – disagree; will evolve
5. Why was ‘Mutaawah’ underlined – disagree; emphasis by female
character
6. Suggested minor punctuation change - agree
BAM member –
1. Good writing and story – agree
2. Moved too slowly – working, but is a slow
part of novel
3. ‘Cousins’ not clear as to use – disagree; will evolve
4. Names mentioned too often – disagree
BAM member –
1. Didn’t ‘get’ cousins discussion – disagree; will evolve
2. Wanted to know the setting – disagree; covered earlier
(Arabia, Bahrain)
3. Good cultural scenes (He was in Arabia one
year) – agree
4. Well written – agree
5. Unbold several abbreviations – agree
6. Excellent - agree
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