Blog Post 128

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 128

Am “Following” the Fredericksburg Writers Group blog - http://fredericksburgwritersgroup.wordpress.com/ to keep abreast of local writers and ideas, and became a member of the LinkedIn Book Marketing group… https://www.linkedin.com/nhome/?trk=hb_signin . It’s too soon to say if these will be of benefit.

Another segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed at a Books-A-Million critique session. 

BAM members provided critiques of the segment as follows:

BAM member -

1.       Lots of details on setting, few on characters – agree; working

2.       Say more about the women – agree

3.       Stress Anh being pregnant – agree

4.       Have Munirah ask Anh how far along is she – agree

5.       Correct POV shifts – agree

6.       Have Anh and Munirah shared common interests, concerns – agree

7.       Clarify the “not Mecca” – agree

8.       Reduce use of narrative – agree

9.       Several suggestions on sentences – agree; working

10.   Reword “swept his hand horizontally” – agree; working

11.   Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering

BAM member -

1.       Unfamiliar with “revetment”  – disagree; standard military terminology

2.       Clarify mention of “Michael’s (rug)” – agree

3.       Clarify Anh’s thinking on anxiety about being Asian – agree; working

4.       Reconsider use of “deep internal bluish brilliance (on diamond) – agree

5.       Good details of setting – agree

6.       Questioned use of mention of men being from Mars – agree

7.       Convert  “Anh quickly making a pact” to a sentence – agree

8.       Minor punctuation suggestions – will consider

BAM member - no written comments

1.       Knows of woman who lived underground in KOSA, said most Saudis do – untrue

2.       Female characters were too cautious in talking – agree

BAM member –

1.        Your female lead is rough, strong sexual – not sure where leading – agree

2.       Correct POV problem on page two – agree

3.       Clarify why Tooley and Anh went to Ubaidi’s – agree; working

4.       Explain the competitiveness of female characters – agree; working

5.       Liked description of underground home setting - agree

6.       Numerous sentence suggestions – agree; working

7.       Reword “swept his hand horizontally” – agree; working

8.       Restructure several areas to be new paragraphs – agree

9.       Have Munirah talk of “deep internal bluish brilliance (on diamond) – agree

10.   Questioned existence of Baskin-Robbins franchise in Arabia – disagree; it was there

11.   Liked use of comparing a Bentley to a camel – agree

12.   Explain the meaning of incense smoke – agree; working

13.   Explain “their” post graduate studies – disagree; included elsewhere

14.   Add graphic to show change of scene  from meal – agree; working

15.   Explain why Anh rose as Tooley rushed to her – agree; working

16.   Clarify Fadia’s age – agree

17.   Liked the exotic setting- agree

BAM member –

1.       Spell coos-coos as cous-cous – agree

2.       Stress how female characters are checking out initial meeting and feelings of it – agree

3.       Suggested rewording sentence about Amir’s net worth – will consider

4.       Minor sentence suggestions – agree; working

5.      Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering

BAM member –

1.       Clarify mention of “Michael’s (rug)” – agree

2.       Reference to Dorothy Hamill hairstyle too obscure – agree; working

3.       Use of Tooley’s full name awkward – considering

4.       Use of “tiny bursts of light like creepy crawlies” awkward – agree; working

5.       Unfamiliar with “revetment”  – disagree; standard military terminology

6.       Minor punctuation suggestions – agree

7.       Clarify POV shifts – agree

8.       Questioned use of mention of men being from Mars – agree

9.       Interesting description of the Ubaidi home - agree

Several cultural insights into whether wives of Saudi friends remained veiled or in separate rooms during dinner with friends, and about alcohol use were shared.

The August meeting of the Riverside Writers Group will feature an Open Mike format.  I anticipate reading (and just observing an audience reaction to) several segments.