Blog Post 127

Tessera Trilogy Blog post 127

Am “Following” the Fredericksburg Writers Group blog - http://fredericksburgwritersgroup.wordpress.com/ to keep abreast of local writers and ideas, and became a member of the LinkedIn Book Marketing group… https://www.linkedin.com/nhome/?trk=hb_signin . It’s too soon to say if these will be of benefit.

Sales of Sooley Base have nudged upwards.

Distractions now include repainting backyard deck and privacy railings, and reinsertion into computer recycling to support local area refugee families.

 Another segment of Kashan Kashmeeri was reviewed/critiqued at the July Riverside Writers Group meeting.

Reviewer comments:

1.       Suggested change to connection between Anh’s smile and a story  – agree

2.       Suggested having Patty state Anh is no cook – agree

3.       Numerous sentence and grammar changes – agree

4.       Stop trying to make every line clever – agree

5.       Remove reference to highways in California – agree

6.       Have Anh remark in her comments to Patty how fast she fell for Tooley - agree

The above suggestions were incorporated into segment read to RWG.

RWG members provided written critiques of the segment as follows:

RWG member

1.       If any more sexual comments or innuendos  it would be too much – disagree

2.       Connection of pent up needs and to do lists to blunt – agree

3.       Use of High Five OK, but Valley Girl not credible – disagree

4.       Good addition – agree

5.       Liked use of indirect reference to main characters sex – agree

6.       POV problem on page two – agree

7.       Minor sentence change - agree

RWG member – no written comments

1.       Wonder about two women talking about sex – disagree

2.       Good dialogue - agree

RWG member -

1.        Your female lead is rough, strong sexual – not sure where leading – agree

2.       End of page 1 uncomfortable, crass – agree, working

3.       POV problem on page two – agree

4.       Liked description of underground home setting - agree

5.       Confused by use of Anh and Ann – disagree; Anh is her name. Patty calls her Ann for convenience.

6.       Used smile too often – agree

7.       Recommended change to italicized sentence page 2 – agree

8.       Minor punctuation change - agree

RWG member -

1.       Liked story – agree

2.       Moves at good pace  – agree

3.       Lost then found in dialogue – use of Anh and Ann – disagree; Anh is her name. Patty calls her Ann for convenience.

4.       Liked use of Valley Girl and Totally – agree

5.       Minor sentence change – agree

6.       Thought it incorrect in Arabia, with Sharia law, for characters to sleep together – disagree;

They are expats, and even most Saudis don’t like Sharia law of Mutaawah.

RWG member -

1.       Didn’t like use of kick ass and kiss ass, and butts - disagree

2.       Noted use of rhyming verse on page 2 – agree

3.       How do sands zoom by – agree

4.       Thought main male character was kinky - disagree

RWG member – no written or verbal comments. Was first time reviewer.

RWG member - no written comments

1.       Missed earlier chapters – Buy book

2.       Too many short sentences  - disagree

RWG member – no written or verbal comments (was out of room)