Critiques are from members of RWG provided following reading at CRRL 3/12/11.

I noted to the group that the setting was the time of the Romans advance into Arabia, about the 3^rd century, and that we were roughly one eighth of way through the novel, with a jump of roughly eighteen centuries coming. When asked how this was written I said we’d see, and asked for review and help there. I explained that the Ubaidi trade civilization predated even the Sumerians in its control of trade between India and Mesopotamia

Generally supportive comments were received, noted below:

           

Surprising how good this is! I’m fascinated with the story. (Things learned by a

tent) – surprisingly insightful version of a woman’s point of view.

           

Beautiful! It’s wonderful; it sounds like poetry. The story is woven with Tenderness. I enjoyed the references to spirituality, especially of natural       things. Insightful, sensitive. (the start) seems to escape time and set the time. Wow! This Is Beautiful. You really bring us into the dimensions of their culture. Amazing. There is a very tender rhythm you write with; it’s poetic! It moves the content of your story forward exquisitely.

I liked the writing.

             

I liked reading it.

Gives a very good sense of the times .... Very nice – so like the philosophy of Native

consciousness (in every flower is God).

Interesting from the start; good on character insights… I’m interested in where this

couple go in their lives. Filled with scent and taste – tasteful. Extraordinarily

realistic concepts. Intriguing philosophy.

Inputs on fifth revision, see below, are being considered for incorporation.

Why wouldn’t Amrah know of these bargaining methods, the roots? – reject - bedus

don’t go to all souqs or meet/see all elders possessing wisdom of ages

            Minor editorial suggestions – done

            Seemed uncertain of the setting – reject in the wording

            Liked reference to red rock city – I noted that it is Petra (in Jordan) – no change

            Minor editorial suggestions – done

            Needs footnotes or glossary – glossary in process

Minor editorial suggestions – done

I do wonder why you chose to use the “one” construction (as too passive) – done

            Considered “The scents of cinnamon …”  redundant – reject

            Need to explain unfamiliar words – glossary in process

Minor editorial, punctuation suggestions – done

            Where does this story take place – reject in the wording

            Didn’t understand sub-paragraph titling (may break up train of thought) – reject

author’s style, and a hook mechanism

            Minor editorial, punctuation suggestions – done

            Not sure how transition to current days will happen – will see when we get there –

help with that transition will be solicited

Thought use of the “one” too passive, too impersonal – revised