BLOG POST 213

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 213

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative,  emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The process –

Here is another segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

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The Commander In Chief folded his hands on the table and pursed his lips, “Be back here tomorrow at 08:00, before the Vice President and SECSTATE fly off to the sand box. Bring your inputs on how to keep the friggin sky from falling.”

S

ECSTATE and VPOTUS were already in the air, flying east to the center of the quagmire. Thursday mid-morning in the WHSR, and more BREAKING NEWS was in everyone’s mind. Ellington smiled, felt like his team was enroute, about to make a difference. He moved his fingers on the remote; the TV’s volume amped up.

     The commentator’s voice came on. “CNN has more for you our listening audience, a new Middle East update. Syria has just informed the UN and the US Embassy in Damascus that it would not permit military aircraft to transit its airspace enroute Israel. Listen later today for the latest world news on this CNN station.”

POTUS muted the TV, looked around the Situation Room, “Guys, our Ambassador in Ankara just informed us that Turkey has invoked a ‘no fly’ region in accordance with some obscure UN resolution, yet Turkey stated it wished to remain part of NATO’s collective security.”

“The Turks and Syrians, maybe they just want to stay out of the line of fire,” DeVries stated as she moved closer to the Vice President’s chair, the two now video conferencing enroute the Middle East on Air Force Two. “No one wants other countries’ armies massing next door. That could be the real concern here. I’ll try to decipher it, take action to inquire about these developments.”  She looked as VPOTUS nodded concurrence.

L

ate that afternoon the NSC reconvened, its live secure link with Air Force Two re-enabled. Peckingham was briefing information newly received from Riyadh, “Mister President, Arabia, at DEFCON ONE as you recall, agreed on a framework to enter Jordan and train defensively.  The declaration states that Jordan and Arabia neither support, nor will they act to oppose, the coalition. Additionally the intention was stated to prevent incursions into land, sea, or air spaces by Iran or Iraq.”

Ellington suddenly looked worn, “Any new moves by either the Saudi or Jordanian militaries?”

“Yes, Mister President. Their AWACS are up 24/7 now; and they’ve got Combat Air Patrol or CAP assigned, two sections. That’s four fighters armed with every missile they could hang on them. The AWACS are even controlling some Jordanian CAP. The planes seem to be mostly along their respective borders with Iraq, with orders to shoot if borders are crossed. This is a dangerous new twist.”

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The working draft of The Next One now stands at 53 pages reviewed.

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BAM 13 Feb  2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Correct POV shifts, pick one and stick with it – agree, working

3.      Good addition, nice flow, pace – thanks

4.      Developing romance apparent – thanks

5.      Delete second mention of Cannery Row – agree

6.      Flowed well, good dialogue – thanks

7.      Erotic scene not overdone, credible - thanks

BAM member –

1.      George seems to get in his own way often – was my intent to portray him as socially clueless

2.      What is the real attraction between these two – George said she was “most beautiful women in the world.” Bai is falling in love with him, gradually, building a relationship.

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Explain how George had known taxi driver in Monterey – agree, but driver is a throwaway character

5.      George’s reaction/response to Bai’s saying room felt chilly seemed too formal – thanks, he does have social deficit disorder

6.      Clarify how George knows taxi driver in Monterey – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Correct POV errors – agree, working

2.      Was confused about George reserving two rooms in Monterey motel, giving up one for other (honeymoon) couple

3.      Suggested incorporating waiter to deliver meal at Monterey bay restaurant – agree

4.      Confused about intention of Bai’s response to George’s suggestively moving his fingers across her palms

5.      Provided explicit comment about cuddling – will ignore

BAM member –

1.      Really different from previous segments – thanks

2.      Good details and descriptions – thanks

3.      Felt she was walking through Monterey with characters - thanks

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Love scene done well - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Addition was good – thanks

2.      Bai would find George’s science talk boring – correct

3.      Questioned why Bai is “so” provocative (socially, sexually) – she’s young, interested, wants to improve his social skills

4.      Missed whether Serge in Orange county was taxi driver in Monterey – will clarify

5.      Questions about POV – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Agreed with others comments

2.      Nicely done - thanks

3.      No written comments –

BAM member –

1.      Left early – no comments

BLOG POST 212

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 212

I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual versus alternative,  emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

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The process – Writing, and reading – I re-read David Baldacci’s Split Second.

A t tonight’s BAM critique session I exchanged my newest novel, Kashan Kashmeeri, with D. Allen Miles for his two novels – Balfour and the Shadow Pirate, and Balfour and the Cargo of Innocence.

The working draft of The Next One now stands at 49 reviewed pages.

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BAM 06 Feb  2017 critique comments

Received by far the most complete, critical – but helpful – comments.

BAM member –

1.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Improve how we know Bai was being followed – improving to show in narrative and dialogue

3.      Bai could not have seen the accident parts scattering – sort of agree, but working

4.      Move the accident radio reports to end of reviewed segment – agree, will move to where she throws up

5.      Improve clarity of Bai’s fears – agree, working

6.      Clarify Bai’s mixed reactions – frantic, then asking for a margarita – I want to portray the mixed messages. She didn’t know for certain of Mafia, only that someone followed

BAM member –

1.      Dialogue was good – thanks

2.      You’ve taken us in a different direction – agree

3.      Looking forward to next segment - thanks

4.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

5.      Improve sequence of Bai evading her pursuer – agree, will improve

6.      Clarify reference to Freeway as “405” alone – agree, working

7.      Improve Bai’s interaction with George after accident – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Correct POV errors – agree, working

2.      Confused as to whether Bai knew she was being followed – working to improve, but I want this confusion and uncertainty

3.      Change to show she scanned with her eyes, not her eyes scanned  – agree

4.      Improve timing of hearing radio  broadcasts – agree, working

5.      Couldn’t believe truck driver wouldn’t accurately identify the yellow Golf  which caused the accidents – agree; however, most eye witnesses are inconsistent

6.      Explain earlier about Bai’s practice of looking for pursuers – will improve

7.      Questioned inaccuracy, glibness of reporters – disagree; it’s what they do

8.      Tie the sounds, but not visuals of accident, to Bai – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Great imagery – thanks

2.      Very good addition - thanks

3.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

4.      Improve the intensity of Bai’s fears  – working to improve, but I want to keep uncertainty about why she thinks they were following her, versus George’s belief

5.       Increase Bai’s intensity about buying a gun – agree, working

6.      Bai wouldn’t snicker at radio reporter news – agree, working

7.      Yeah, Baby! Out of place compared to her fears – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Action was good – thanks

2.      Bai wouldn’t know what happened behind her – agree in part; she could have seen parts as she exited 405 Freeway

3.      Clarify that fender didn’t gesture at scene of accident – agree

4.      Who stood after arm pinched – agree, fixed

5.      No written comments

6.      Didn’t understand about parking meter experiment – disagree, explained in prior segments

7.      Interesting, but confusing  – disagree, explained in prior segments

BAM member –

1.      Agreed with others comments

2.      No written comments –

BAM member –

1.      Left without review or comments –

BLOG POST 211

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 211

The process –

Here is another segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

Chapter - 32

C

all STROBE if your gadgets detect any radar.” Yeddim saw one pilot in the Ready Room wasn’t listening and put him on the spot. “Handle, did you get that?”

    First Lieutenant Peled, AKA Handle, responded, “Yup. Got it!”

                “Showtime in twenty. THREE ZERO, as mission commander you fly tail end with the assault team. Make sure they SAFE all weapons in flight.” Yeddim breathed deeply; his reminder was a lesson from an assault team which shot up a helo in flight. The major muttered a verse from Psalm 118 under his breath, “The Lord is with me. I will not be afraid. What can anybody do to me?” It was a prayer for safe return.

THREE ZERO grinned, rolled his eyes, “I hope all birds are ready to fly; I get tired flapping my wings.” One of the commandos waved his arms up and down like he was flying; muted but universal snickering followed.

“Doubt it very much.” Handle countered. Some damn thing always comes up to spoil the ball.

The Squadron Operations Officer shook his head. He motioned for the tech watching the antics to give a mission reminder. The senior ordnance specialist walked to the front of the room, his face somber. “Pull all safety arming pins before you lift off.”

The three pilots slammed their helmets together, “Roger.”

Yeddim added, “Bring back our pilots,” as he motioned to the door.

The pilots grabbed helmets and headed to the door.  Their exit was interrupted by a crew chief entering, breathing hard. He held up his hands. “Wait. One bird didn’t check out. There was a glitch.” The tech explained that the final pre-flight of a Blackhawk found a hydraulic pump failure.

“Captain Avigdor, hate to spoil your day, but I had to down your helo. We’re prepping FIVE FOUR for you. There’ll be a ten minute delay in liftoff. We need to fuel it. But there is news,” the tech said.

Avigdor tensed, “What is it? It better be good.”

“Your new bird has a retrofit armor package. The engine cowlings are armored, stray bullets can’t take out your turbines. You’ll also have a Kevlar seat and underbody. Your jewels will be safe.”

“Thanks,” the captain grinned, “my wife will appreciate that.”

“Your new bird will be a bit slower,” the crew chief advised, “and your laser warning system didn’t respond to our pre-flight test. Do we still launch with it?”

“Damn straight,” First Lieutenant Eshel, Mission Commander barked, “As soon as all birds are gassed up.” He looked around, glanced at other pilots, and nodded.

“Everyone take a pit stop. Recheck your weapons, ammo, and protective gear. You lift off in ten; any questions?”  Yeddim asked. There were none, and he saw prayers being mouthed, buddies fingering checkered scarves with tassels.

Nine minutes later the pilots and rescue team walked in the dark to their helos. The walk arounds verified that all arming pins were pulled, the weapons armed and safe from stray voltages. Shotgun, THREE ZERO, and FIVE FOUR stepped up into their cockpits, and buckled up.  The pilots spun up the turbines and applied power. The helos rose in the air, hovered, then moved off. 

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I’ve been very, very distracted by the news, trying to sort out the real, actual news versus the alternative,  emanating from Washington. The conflict raises my anxiety for this country and our values. I’ve spent numerous hours reading and being depressed by the news. My reactions appear in another blog – please FOLLOW.

                        www.hopeinthecenter.blogspot.com

                        *********************************************

BAM 30 Jan 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Liked this addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Saw the changes you made – thanks

4.      Liked the scene where Bai was trailed – thanks

5.      Describe the evasion maneuver – agree, working

6.      Increase emphasis on George’s lack of appreciation for Bai’s fears – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Didn’t understand about parking meter experiment – disagree, explained in prior segments

2.      Interesting, but confusing  – disagree, explained in prior segments

3.      Watch for shifts in POV – agree, working

4.      Missed the transition from talking about parking ticket to being followed - working

5.      Incorporate narrative, dialogue of Bai being followed – agree, working

6.      Very descriptive - thanks

BAM member –

1.      No written comments –

2.      Thought it flowed well, understood dialogue - thanks

3.      Increase George’s paranoia about Bai being followed – agree, working

4.      Need clearer view of how she was being followed - disagree

BLOG POST 210

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 210

The process –

Here is a second segment of my latest published novel – Kashan Kashmeeri – for your holiday enjoyment. The segments are selected to progressively go through the novel, giving you a flavor of its compelling story and tension. Enjoy!

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T

ooley recognized shit. It happened; it stunk. When it covered you, you got pissed - royally pissed! “Amir,” he yelled, “do we have TARGET written all over us, or is it just you?”

      Amir staggered to his feet, “Just me.” He brushed his clothes, mud from the leaking water, sand, and metallic fragments. He spat, swore angrily in several languages, and started to apologize.

O’Toole grabbed Amir’s wrist, stared intensely into his eyes. Blood vessels pulsed on Tooley’s neck, “What the fuck is going on?”

“Some sonofabitch tried to kill me! Those Israeli pricks tracked my cell phone, flew all the way here to kill me.”  

“Yeah, well I took it as personal,” Tooley bellowed. “I don’t like being collateral damage! Every time you invite me to a base this sorta shit happens.”

Amir rolled over, and rose clenching his fists. He screamed angrily to uniformed figures nearby, 

                                                                     “WEAPONS FREE!” 

Sergeant Bukharah waved acknowledgement to the general. He hefted, armed his shoulder launched missile, turned and elevated the launcher. The earpiece confirmed target acquisition and he squeezed the trigger. A missile launched, blowing sand everywhere as it leapt skyward toward the fighter.

Tooley coughed from the smoke as the missile took flight. He swore at the round, “Get that sonofabitch!”

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BAM 23 Jan 2017 critique comments

BAM member –

1.      Another good addition - thanks

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Incorporate some symbol to designate change of setting – agree, working

4.      Was George joking in comment about Mafiosi – No, he has contract out on his life

5.      Increase conflict, tension – agree, working

6.      Incorporate narrative, dialogue of Bai being followed – agree, working

7.      Like “a magnet for angry people with weapons” – thanks

8.      Curious that George was more concerned about himself rather than Bai – agree, working

9.      What was intent of last section (being followed) – to increase tension about Mafia threats to George through Bai

BAM member –

1.      No written comments –

2.      Incorporate settings to ground the dialogue – agree, working

3.      Great dialogue - thanks

BAM member –

1.      Editorial suggestions – agree, working

2.      Too much dialogue – agree, working

3.      Need to increase sense of urgency, conflict – agree, working

4.      Tighten up, too much “stuff” – agree, working

5.      Incorporate narrative, dialogue of Bai being followed – agree, working

BAM member –

1.      Incorporate some symbol to designate change of setting – agree, working

2.      Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

3.      Correct POV shifts – agree, working

4.      Discussion of George’s experiment is confusing – agree, will tighten

5.      Explain how a student is “scary” – agree, working

6.      If George and Bai are talking about “Dad”, whose Dad are they discussing – Bai was describing her father

7.      Incorporate narrative, dialogue of Bai being followed – agree, working