BLOG POST 256

BAM 25 June 2018 critique comments

Only one BAM member was present, so there were no readings. We simply exchanged segments and marked them up.

BAM member  – 

1.       Move character motivation before his/her actions – agree

2.       Why is LC worrying about this realtor – agree, working

3.       More fully describe the dinner at Greek festival – agree, working

4.       Show that LT Stevens has briefed teams – agree, working

5.       Bring more of Burgess’ feelings, expectations as he sees raid unfold – agree, working

6.       Describe what SWAT team leader expects vs what he sees as raid starts – agree, working

7.       Identify Lieutenant Stevens – done earlier, on first page as head of SWAT team

8.       Include more instances of how Wills’ impatience affects their relationship – agree

9.       Remove scene break between trip to Richmond and being in morgue – agree, working

10.   Spell out ME – agree

11.   Clarify condition of deceased finger tips – agree, working

12.   Clarify description of new mortar as old – agree; working

13.   Include more tension, conflict – agree, working

14.   Minor editorial suggestions – agree, working

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I’ve spent some time recently trapping and releasing squirrels who seem intent on destroying our flower beds and planting unwanted acorns in the lawn. I term it recycling, as they are transported a distance away and released.