BLOG POST 255

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 255

BAM 18 June 2018 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Clarify POV in first paragraph – agree, working

2.       Describe, show more of Agent Burgess – agree, working

3.       Correct POV shifts on pages 3 and 5 – agree, working

4.       Explain how DEA Agent obtained intel on geotags – agree, working

5.       Provide more information on facial recognition searches – agree, working

6.       Provided alternative sentence wording – thanks

7.       Show how Brad is bland – agree, working

8.       Show that Kathy is really Alexa Collins, reporter – agree, working

9.       Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Liked the action, lots going on in story – thanks

2.       Rework clunky sentence page 2 – agree, working

3.       Numerous minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Good, I liked - thanks

2.       First section seems artificial – working

3.       Remove “He thought to himself.” – agree, working

4.       Challenged use of ellipses - disagree

5.       Show more disagreement between Burgess and editor – agree, working

6.       Clarify Chancellor High as a high school – agree, working

7.       Describe the scent of Kathy’s fragrance – agree, working

8.       Show that Kathy is really Alexa Collins, reporter – agree, working

9.       Correct POV shift on page 4 – agree, working

10.   Minor editorial suggestion – agree

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A former BAM member rejoined after a long absence. He gave his two copies of a book about the war in Vietnam to myself and another member. Looking forward to reading it. I intend to send him a copy of my first novel, Golden Gate.