BLOG POST 247

Tessera Trilogy Blog Post 247

BAM 26 March 2018 critique comments

BAM member –

1.       Bright spot with action – thanks

2.       Clarify whether County or State jurisdiction – agree, working

3.       Add details of local Germanna colony – agree, plan to later

4.       Suggested adding more about forensics, putting on booties, gloves – agree

5.       Specify that well is for water – understood

6.       The dialog is so good, incredibly realistic – thanks

7.       Your action is 100X better than earlier works – thanks

8.       Were procedures about ME and funeral home correct – yes (I talked with funeral home director as part of research, after asking detective LT.)

9.       Liked Mrs. Orloff wringing her hands - thanks

10.   Clarify if victim killed by gun – Yes, covered earlier in 911 call

11.   Is the term “Black and Whites” still used – will check

12.  Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Well written, good addition – thanks

2.       Add more local color – agree, working

3.       Clarify why furniture is important – agree, about to describe in next segment

4.       Clarify whether County or State jurisdiction – agree, working

5.       Improve “verbally skewered” with examples or delete – agree, working

6.       Why does Wills mention that deceased rented his fields – detectives will need to ask them if they saw anyone or vehicles by home of deceased

7.       Explain why preliminary autopsy report mentioned – setting the scene for detectives to visit and be told of evidence

8.       Delete extraneous scene descriptions – agree, working

9.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Written well – thanks

2.       Was able to jump right in and follow story – thanks

3.       Dialog was real, I saw it – thanks

4.       Character interactions on spot – thanks

5.       I can’t wait for next week - thanks

6.       Incorporate more movement and descriptions of scenes - agree

7.       Suggested showing what detective partner doing – agree, working

8.       Do not capitalize Next Of Kin – I have since checked. It isn’t.

9.       Liked use of humor - thanks

10.  Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.      Credible addition, well written - thanks

2.      Correct POV head hopping shifts - agree, working

3.      What type of currency or coins were in the chest – we’ll discover soon (I promise)

4.      Clarify how we know this was a murder – described in 911 call

5.      Clarify why German descendant brashly called a “fool” - agree

6.      Numerous editorial suggestions – agree, working

BAM member –

1.       Well written – thanks

2.       Reduce repetition in process wording – agree, working

3.       Liked description of the tilted power poles – thanks

4.       Clarify why State Trooper was there – agree (had his scanner on and was nearby)

5.       Delete mention that organs not eligible for donation – agree, working

6.       Describe Mrs. Orloff (cleaning lady) – agree, working

7.       Clarify why Wills would mention things about German immigrants – agree (she’s local and lives nearby)

8.       Delete identification of Free Lance-Star with Fredericksburg – disagree, other readers may not be locals (and FLS in later parts of the novel)

9.      Minor editorial suggestions – working

BAM member –

1.       Correct POC shifts – agree, working

2.       The dialog was great - thanks

3.      Clarify how Dispatcher knew case was murder – agree, working

4.      Enjoyed humor – thanks

5.      Minor editorial suggestions – working